#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a videogame journalist (Why I hate Zynga)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy John. We started talking on the twitter not too long ago, and then he reached out and asked if he could write for us regarding his journey through the nerdy realm. I was all DUDDEEE!! That's so raaaddd!! And now, here we are. Like right now, in real time, this is happening. Pretty cool huh? HIT IT JOHN!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's John Sollitto

Okay, so here’s the thing, a lot of my close associates know my feelings on browser games and I’ve gotten into trouble a few months back when Zynga was having their problems. I really, I mean really, do not like browser games. Well to be fair, it’s not just browser games, it’s freaking Zynga games.

Back in the day, when it was becoming a big deal and all with Facebook and whatnot, Zynga was prophesying how it was the next big thing in gaming. How the free-to-play model they had was going to make their games more popular and more successful and soon gaming would be divided into Triple A titles like Call of Duty, mobile gaming, and browser games.

That’s some bullsh#t, and I’ll tell you why. I respect browser gaming to a degree okay? I mean I like those games that have to do with movies or other games, like the Assassin’s Creed Legacy game on Facebook. What I can’t abide are blaaaatant unoriginal attempts at games that have already been made. Here’s how I imagine every Zynga staff meeting goes down when they start running out of ideas or need to make a new game:

“Hey guys. Alright we gotta make a new game to put on Facebook so we can bring in some new players. Anyone got ideas?”

“Well, I mean, why should we make a new game? Why don’t we just take a game that people already play and put it on Facebook.”

“What do you mean Generic Staff Minion #38?”

“Well, my girlfriend keeps making me play Scrabble.”

And that is how Words with Friends was made, dear friends.

Just look at every game they have and you can honestly see that they are all just blatant rip-offs of other things. Farmville and Cityville? F#$king SimCity. Battle Tetris? F#$KING TETRIS. THEY DIDN’T HAVE THE COMMON CURTOSY TO CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE. THEY JUST MADE IT WITH DIFFERENT COLORS AND DIFFERENT MUSIC. Swear to God…ugh.

Now, these games are fun, granted. Like, they’re good time wasters and fun to play when you need a quick fix. I get that and I totally understand. I also appreciate how a lot of Zynga employees use the company as a jumping point to other companies because it’s a great place to crank out work for a resume. I think that’s awesome and I’m happy that they can provide some circulation and stability for our industry.

But I think that they could at least try when it comes to making games. However, they can’t even do that, it seems. I played Mafia Wars. I like Mafia Wars. But I will not take time out of my day, to sit down, and mug people on the street so that I gain experience, so I can then go boost cars and level up more, so I can lean on a shop owner. You know why? Cause I don’t see any of that happening, and the payoff is what? Nothing? I honestly feel no satisfaction in doing any of it, and it’s free so I don’t have any investment in the game at all. What is the point other than taking up time that I don’t want to spend writing a paper or on work.

You know what else? They knew they weren’t making money, so they started paying their employees in stock. And guess what, when they still weren’t making money they decided to go public with the company, but realized they didn’t have stock to give away because all of the stock was in the hands of the employees!

Get this, they then told their employees that they had to give the stock back or they’d fire them! Yeah! How’s that for being grateful to the people who make your ship run? Then when they got the stock all back and they put it on the market, no one bought it. Why? BECAUSE THEY MAKE GAMES THAT DON’T MAKE ANY MONEY. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE GAMES AND PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET FOR FREE AND YOU MAKE IT OPTIONAL FOR YOUR PLAYERS TO SPEND MONEY.

These jackholes replaced sites like Newgrounds and UGO Player because it was easier for us to play games while on Facebook than just have two windows open and play on one site and have Facebook on another. They replaced two sites that have completely original fan created games on them, for their rip-offs.

So, in summation, this company said they were the next big thing when they started making ripoff games for free and paying their employees in stock that no one wants. That is why I don’t like Zynga. Again, I don’t have a problem with browser games when they’re fun, original, and don’t pretend to be anything more than what they are: fun little amusements that are there to pass the time.

Oh, p.s. if you want to buy stock in Zynga and change up this nonsense? It’s about $10 a share. If we all chip in about $50, then we can change how this company is run and actually make it one of the most successful businesses of all time that makes awesome games with the huge pool of talent they have. Or we can just leave them be and watch them do what they’ve been doing, which is making browser games look bad.

#nerdsunite

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