Talk Nerdy To Me’s @StaffWriter:
Ok, let’s be real for a moment: online dating can suck. That’s true for both men and women. But you might have heard men complain how much harder is it for guys. Is it? And does online dating work for guys?
The sad reality is no,
Here’s why …
10 Reasons Online Dating Doesn’t Work For (Most) Guys
Let’s get into the thick of it. Online dating for 90% of guys is a losing numbers game. There are at least 10 good reasons why online dating doesn’t work for most men.
1) The Top 10% of Guys Get All the Girls
Online dating is a superficial game of appearances. Tall, tattooed guys with beards and muscles get most of the matches. The majority of the women on the app, even women much less attractive, compete for the top 10% of men.
If you’re not a guy with supermodel good looks (or a celebrity), you’re going to get very few matches (if any).
2) Most Guys Aren’t Good Looking Enough for Successful Online Dating
Yes, physical appearance matters on dating apps and websites. And most guys aren’t good-looking enough to get tons of matches online. Chances are, you’re one of them. So be honest with yourself: are you good-looking enough for online dating?
If you aren’t, here are some tips on how to make yourself look better in your photos:
- Use good lighting
- Don’t use more than one selfie (if any)
- Include a photo with “normal” people in it
- Include a photo with friends
- Dress well and take care of yourself
If you’re not naturally tall or good-looking, online dating will be harder for you. And if it does, expect to have many disappointing dates. That’s just how it is when your pool of potential matches is so limited.
3) Most Guys Suck at Writing About Themselves
Most men suck at writing about themselves. They’re boring and just put a few things together from the top of their heads. The result is a generic, one-dimensional profile that’s not going to impress women or get them interested in you.
Here’s a simple writing technique: Describe yourself using the acronym STAR.
S (Situation): What’s your current situation? Try to make it interesting and different. For example: “I’m single and ready to mingle”
T (Type): What type of person meshes well with you? Don’t include a laundry list of desires. Just the broad strokes. For example: “Looking for a fun, friendly, and fly girl to go to concerts with.”
A (Attributes): What are you all about? What are your top 5 attributes? Be honest, but put it in a positive way. For example: “I’m hard-working, loyal, passionate, and can be shy at first.”
R (Results): What results do you want to manifest out of dating the type of woman for who you’re looking. Try not to seem too outcome-dependent or thirsty. For example: “I want to relax, have fun, and find love.”
Yes, you can use this acronym for your whole profile. It’ll make it more interesting.
4) Many Men Settle With Less Attractive Women Because They Get Paired with Them Online Every Day
This is an unfortunate truth: men will settle for less attractive women if presented with them as potential matches online every day.
In fact, online dating “preferences” are often based on physical attraction alone. If a man is presented with tons of attractive women who ignore him, he’ll lower his standards and eventually find an average woman attractive. That’s sometimes why you see those couples at the mall: a good-looking guy with a less attractive girl.
5) Women Are Pickier Online
Most women are pickier online than offline because they can afford to be picky since there are so many options.
Online dating is like a job search: you’re more selective and discerning because you have to sift through dozens of options to find the best one. For example, you wouldn’t accept the first job offer that comes your way – instead, you would try to negotiate with the company and ask for more vacation days or better pay.
6) Online Dating is Disillusioning
Online dating may be disheartening or disillusioning for many men because they don’t get responses to their messages. After a while, this can really weigh on a guy’s mind.
Guys start to doubt themselves and their value.
They lose confidence in their attractiveness. They start to feel like women are mean or don’t want them – when really, it’s just the law of numbers at work.
The harsh reality is that most guys will get rejected online.
7) Online Dating Causes Many Guys to Be Less Social With Women
Online dating causes many guys to be afraid of women. They’re conditioned to believe that women only date good-looking guys, so they start treating them like trophies or objects instead of people.
Men get sucked into the wormhole of the “red pill” community—the worst sides of which are woman-hating and woman-blaming garbage fires of self-delusion and transference.
Does Online Dating Work For Any Guys?
Online dating is a veritable buffet for tall, model-looking guys. They get all of the matches, girls chasing them, and endless opportunities to meet, date, and hook up with beautiful women.
Most really attractive guys date multitudes of women at a time.
The West Elm Caleb controversy that blew up on TikTok is just one recent example. Guys with these many options tend to hop from girl to girl, ghosting and cheating and never committing to any of them.
Is that mean online dating works for them? Maybe.
The way online dating is designed filters all of the “success” toward attractive females and males. However, the attractive males don’t want to settle down so the apps don’t really “work” for women either—at least not the ones who want something more than casual.
You could say that online dating works for hookups and very casual interactions.
Occasionally, two people will meet, develop feelings, and start an actual relationship that lasts. Online dating does work for some people some of the time.
For most average-looking guys, however, there are much better options.
Meeting someone in person where they can showcase their personality (not just their abs) usually results in more phone numbers, dates, and relationships.