#TrueStory: Saturday night I had a police escort home (and it wasn't from going 110 in the Ferrari)
Before we hit alligator alley (the road that goes across the state of Florida on the southern tip), we stopped off at a McDonalds to use the restroom and grab some food. As we were pulling into the parking lot, the founder asked if I would like to drive.
"I'd like to cross 'drive a Ferrari' off my life list, so yes," I said excited.
#Fact: 10 years ago I was placed on a 5150 and spent 48 hours under psychiatric evaluation
I didn't need medicine, I needed to develop coping skills, and with that came the knowledge that things don't bother me the same way (stressors or people) when I'm taking care of myself.
What do I "want to do" or "where I will be in 10 years?" As you can see, I have absolutely no idea, but I am completely okay with the post starting with "this post was so difficult because I'm not that person anymore."
I will never admit to knowing what I am doing, but I'm doing it, and there's nothing crazy about that.
#WTF: Even when I date a chick, I still wind up being the dude.
A few months back, I found myself in a cheeky conundrum; I wanted to have sex, but didn't want to actually have to go through the process of dating someone. I'm on people overload, man. I TALK TO SO MANY PEOPLE BEING IN THE OFFICE, and then going out, and the IDEA of then having to talk about what I JUST experienced on a daily basis to another living being is my equivalent of personal hell.
#Fact: I've been stalked for the last four and a half years ... and I'm going to tell my story LOUDLY
There are two very serious criminal investigations happening right now.
One is my case of gang stalking, and the other involves someone I worked with for 4 1/2 years and was co-founder of two of his companies.
I was his right hand and built the company with him from day two.
Well, that is until he fired me. Twice.
#TrueStory: I was interviewed in a murder investigation (and cried in front of Katie Couric and Will.I.Am telling them about it)
It's easy for me to be angry at everything right now. It's easy for me to withdraw. It's easy for me to cry myself to sleep. What wasn't easy was PUBLICLY crying (particularly in front of someone I consider adjacent to "idol" territory).
#ThatAmazingMomentWhen: I got stopped at TSA because of my dildo ... (did I mention this happened twice?)
By the time he began unzipping (this was only as far as he had gotten at this point), I paused him.
"Sir, I would like to go to the additional screening room," I said loudly.
One, because I'm pretty certain he was hard of hearing and two, because I wanted to be firm.
He looked confused at my request.
"This isn't for me," I explained. "It's for you."
#TrueStory: I took one of my childhood idols as my date to her own movie screening at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery
Never one to back down from a dream or goal I want to accomplish, I clicked CONTACT Cinespia's page typing into the form that I wanted to attend with one of the stars of the film and wondered if there were any tickets left.
Emphasis on "wanting" to attend.
Yes, Rachel and I are legit friends, and I planned on inviting her ... but I also hadn't gotten that far yet and had ZERO confirmation if she would even be okay with this. All I had texted her up until this point was asking if she was available on that night (which she was).
#TBT: That time I accidentally met Robin Williams ... while stalking @EnriqueIglesias
I then walked off the elevator and into the pool area sans any sort of guard or checkin (like she promised).
When you're crashing something, all you have to do is look like you have a deliberate purpose. I couldn't just walk in and ask "WHERE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE?" I had to play it cool, and first act like I belonged there.
#RealDeal: What's your fantasy (that time I catfished a celebrity only to be catfished myself the next day)?
Wanting to shake things up a bit, I asked if he was any good at skeeball.
"I don't know how to play," he admitted.
"Let me teach you," I said.
Six games, a 100 point rim shot, and 380 score later, the student had become the master.
#RealDeal: I went to prom and took molly in front of Moby
I then quickly slid the loose wristband off and walked back outside. Pro tip: when a bouncer of any kind is putting on a wristband, explain to them you feel "claustrophobic" if it's on too tight. When it's loose, you can slide it right off your wrist and pass it to someone else. Before you pass it though, make sure you say "one second, I'll be right back" to the security guard so they have a visual memory of you and you can reenter sans the band. It doesn't work every time, but 9/10, you're good.