#Adventures of @DustyCPollyD: Befuddled by a Bidet
#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s Polly Dixon
I’m not as well traveled as I’d like to be. I come from a po-dunk town filled with trailer parks plopped in the middle of cornfields. Needless to say, I have never ever seen a Bidet before. I mean, I’d like to think it’s not too common here in the US to walk into a bathroom…and have the toilet and the bidet right next to each other. Unless of course, It’s normal in Hollywood. Then, I’m behind the times. I don’t know.
Anyways, this past Saturday night, we had to make an appearance at a friends’ birthday party in West Hollywood. Free booze, random people, and vinyl records all equated to a good time. Soon enough, Dusty and I were doing our typical exploration of the home’s amenities. . . and lo and behold, found ourselves in another HUGE bathroom. Second weekend in a row. Our bathrooms barely have enough room for us to sit down on the toilet, let alone have MONSTER bathtubs, GORGEOUS showers, HUGE closet space and in this particular house, a BIDET! What is one to do when one sees a bidet? Well, I can tell you first, that we debated for a few seconds what it was. It could have just been a urinal. But then we turned it on. Looks like a water faucet. I’m not gonna lie: True confessions - I definitely pretended it was a drinking fountain for a second (I mean, when drinking alcohol, it’s always a good idea to hydrate). Yeah. I know. Gross. Future Note to You: DON’T DRINK OUT OF IT!
Moving forward, I can’t recall if I was dared or just blatantly volunteered myself to try the bidet. It’s very daunting because there was this HUGE water spout coming out of the bowl. How on earth was I supposed to lower myself onto this water spout that was supposed to clean my anus WITHOUT getting water all over my party outfit? I’m beginning to wonder now, if maybe I should not have had the water shooting up so high? Who knows. If only it came with instructions. Anyways, as my friends watched in amazement that I was doing this in front of them, I slowly lowered my bare bum down onto the water… ONLY TO GET SCORCHED with VERY HOT water. SURPRISE! Lesson learned. And again, a Future Note to ALL of you:
CHECK THE WATER TEMPERATURE WHEN USING A BIDET!
#thatisall
And THERE YOU HAVE IT, just another day in the #adventures of @DustyCPollyD