#RealDeal: What To Do When a Guy Says He’s Not Ready

#Talk Nerdy To Me™’s @staffwriter

This post applies to both neurotypicals and neurodivergents.

When a guy tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, it can be confusing and frustrating. You might not know what to do or where to go from there. Don’t worry, we’re here to help. In this article, we’ll give you some tips on how to deal with this situation.

Reasons Why Guys Say They’re Not Ready for a Relationship

A guy might tell you that he’s not ready for a relationship in many situations. It could be because of his history with relationships, insecurities he has about himself, or because of specific reasons related to you. Whatever the case may be, listen to the reason why he says he’s not ready before reacting.

Here are some reasons why guys say they’re not ready for a relationship:

• Their last relationship ended badly.
• They never had feelings for their exes and don’t want to go through it again.
• He/she just got out of a long-term relationship and is not emotionally ready for another one yet.
• You two aren’t dating seriously enough and need more before taking things up a notch.
• They’re currently not in a relationship but are having fun being single.
• Their life plans don’t involve settling down any time soon.
• He/she wants to focus on their career or other personal goals for now.
• You two just met and need more time before it’s appropriate for you to be in a relationship together.
• Your friends think he’s not serious about you yet.  
• The timing is wrong – maybe one of you is leaving the country soon, moving away, etc., or just returning from an extended trip or vacation that made seeing each other difficult.

How To Deal with Being Told that You’re Not the One

When you’re told that you’re not the one, it can be devastating. How do you deal? Here are a few things to do.

1) Figure Out the Reason Why He Says That He’s Not Ready

Before reacting, make sure to figure out exactly why your guy says he’s not ready for a relationship. It could be because of his feelings for another woman, insecurities about himself, or even because of you. If it seems like there’s no hope and you’re absolutely sure that he feels the same way as you do about him, then maybe it is time to move on.

2) Spend Time with Your Emotions

This is not the time to ignore or bury your feelings. Instead, take time to process your emotions and figure out what you really want. If he means the world to you, then it would be best to wait and see if he changes his mind someday or try and win him back. Remember that no matter how much time passes, his feelings for you may not remain the same as before because people change.

3) Reflect on What Went Wrong

Once again, don’t ignore your emotions. There must have been a reason why things went south between you two. Think about where you went wrong so that next time, things will go better for you. This is also a good way of knowing yourself better because this gives insight into what kind of partner or person would make you happy in a relationship.

4) Give Him Time

Don’t rush him or his decision. Give him time to think and reflect on what he truly wants out of the relationship and life. He may choose you or he may choose to move on with someone new. Whatever his choice, don’t get in the way of his own personal timeline.

It will only drag out the inevitable.

If he chooses you, then you want him to choose you because of a deep desire to be with you and make a future together.

5) Don’t Jump into a New Relationship

It’s important to come to an understanding of your own needs before pursuing another relationship. Yes, it’s tempting to rush into a new relationship. We all crave attention and validation. However, rushing into a relationship is dangerous and problematic for several reasons:

You may not really know the person you’re dating. You may mistake lust for love or give someone attention simply because he’s giving you attention. That’s not fair to either of you, especially when it keeps an unhealthy cycle happening.

Your current situation keeps popping up in your conversations with new people. It can be difficult to avoid talking about your ex when he was one of the most important persons/events in your life. Your stories are bound to include him at some point, which will lead to awkwardness for both parties involved if that person can’t stand hearing his name or seeing photos of him/her around.

If the new person becomes emotionally invested before your ex makes his decision, it can complicate your life even more.

6)  Find Supportive People to Lean On

It’s easy to become isolated when you feel the world is against your relationship. However, it’s important to surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who will listen without judgment. They can be a big help through difficult times and may even have words of wisdom for you that can make a difference in how you see things going forward.

7) Think of Cultural Differences

Your partner may not understand what it means to be a woman or a man in your culture, which could lead to misunderstandings about certain behaviors or pressures from society. While respect should be given no matter where someone comes from, having an understanding of each other’s background can work as an advantage for both partners if they want to pursue a relationship.

8)  Understand His Actions and Behavior

Try to understand his feelings and the reasons behind his actions and behavior. Try to look at things from another perspective and not hold a grudge against him for past mistakes he may have made while the two of you were still together. He may be afraid that you will hurt him again.

9) Don’t Regret Anything

This does not mean that everything is over between the two of you all the time. Don’t torture yourself by thinking about what-ifs or regretting your decisions in life. This doesn’t help you move on with your life.

Even during the transition period, just having a conversation can be beneficial to both of you. This gives an opportunity for both partners to understand each other better and become closer.

Every relationship has its lows as well as highs, so if someone says he’s not ready, don’t jump to conclusions. Talk, feel, and give him time.

If he really cares about you, he will come to his senses and fight with everything in him to be with you.

Or, go fuck his best friend … up to you.