Talk Nerdy To Me’s: @StaffWriter
People stay in toxic relationships for different reasons.
It all depends on who they are as a person, their belief system, how much self-esteem they have, and other things that make them who they are. Some people can not recognize that what is happening to them is abuse.
Why Do People Stay in Toxic Relationships (Summary List)
People stay in toxic relationships because they:
- Believe in the false hope that things will get better and he/she will change
- Are afraid to be alone
- Are afraid of what will happen if they leave
- Struggle to see themselves as worthy individuals
- Are ashamed of the relationship or don’t want others to know how bad it is
- Believe if they are with that person, then nothing else bad can happen to them
- Don’t have the money to get out of the relationship
- Feel trapped because there are children involved
- Do not have anywhere else to go if they leave
- Blame themselves for everything that is wrong in the relationship
- Believe they can not survive outside of their relationship with this person
Let’s look a bit deeper at some of these reasons.
Believe in False Hope that
Some people who stay in a relationship with a toxic person believe that the abuser will change if they just try hard enough.
They may think that everyone can change, even a toxic narcissist or abuser.
They also may take on the blame for all of the problems in their relationship as well as everything their abuser does to them. This means that they are more willing to stay in their relationship because of what is happening inside of themselves.
The abuser may also reflect these feelings back at the victim by saying things like “If you would just change this about yourself, I could change too.”
Struggle To See Themselves as Worthy Individuals
Some people who stay in toxic relationships may struggle to see themselves as worthy individuals.
They may not believe that they deserve any better out of life, or to be treated better by their partner. They may be used to toxic relationships because of their upbringing in a toxic family environment.
Our childhood direct affects how we see ourselves in adulthood.
Most of us end up relaying old patterns, no matter how toxic and ineffective those patterns are in reality.
Shame About the Toxic Relationship
People may be ashamed of their relationship or don’t want to admit that they are being abused by a toxic person.
Abusive people often use other forms of abuse other than physical, so it can be hard for others to see what is going on behind closed doors.
Toxic partners may threaten the person with intimidation tactics if they tell anyone about the relationship. This can be done by saying things like, “If you tell anyone about our personal business, I’ll make sure you end up regretting it.”
This makes it even harder for victims to reach out and get help from others who could perhaps support them through this difficult time. It can also stop them from leaving because then they will have no one else to turn to, which means that the toxic partner has all the power.
Feel Trapped Because of Kids or Money
Having children makes leaving a toxic relationship even harder.
If the person being abused has children, they don’t want to leave because there is the fear of how it will affect them emotionally or physically.
They might also not have enough money to support themselves and their family once they take the leap out of the relationship, which causes them to stay for this reason as well.
Some people who are in a toxic relationship may feel that they really don’t have anywhere else to go. They may be living with their toxic partner and may not have any friends or family members close by. This would make going somewhere else very difficult if not impossible.
Believe They Can’t Survive Outside of the Toxic Relationship
People who stay with toxic partners may believe that they can’t survive outside of the relationship.
They might believe this because they feel like their partner is all they have and they don’t think there is anything better out there for them. They also might not be happy unless the person they are with is happy, which means that their own needs do not matter as much as those of their partner.
What Happens When You Stay in a Toxic Relationship?
People who stay in toxic relationships often don’t know what they are missing out on.
They lose many of their own individual freedoms, time, and even personal space with the toxic person. They also may feel like they cannot be themselves because they will never meet the expectations or standards set by the abusive partner. This takes a toll on someone’s self-esteem and makes it very hard for them to see themselves as worthwhile individuals worthy of happiness and love.
The victim is also exposed to verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse continuously over long periods of time and may become desensitized and numb after a while. They often end up building an unhealthy tolerance to toxicity.
In other words, they put up with more than before without saying anything about it.
Eventually, this can cause them to become depressed, anxious, and increasingly traumatized. They also may feel as if they are going crazy from all the toxicity, which causes them to become more reliant on their abuser.
This is because toxic partners will say things like, “No one else understands me except for you, so I’m glad you’re here for me.” They also might use guilt tactics or tell their partner that they would be nothing without them.
When someone feels like this and has nowhere else to go, it can be very hard for them to leave even if they know there are justifiable reasons why they should.
How To Leave a Toxic Relationship
Leaving a toxic relationship can take quite some time.
Don’t expect any quick fixes and miracle solutions. Patience and planning are key here.
The first step is to prepare yourself for this big change, even if you can’t make it happen right away.
Start looking for an apartment or house that you can afford on your own and put some money aside every month, just in case something doesn’t go as planned and you need to leave quickly.
At the same time, spend what little free time you have looking for jobs and making contacts in your area.
If you are staying with the person who is treating you poorly, then things will probably be very tense at home. This means that you should try to go outside as much as possible so that you don’t take out your frustration on someone who can use it against you.
As soon as you can, leave the toxic relationship.
Move away from the toxic person, close off all means of communication, and get yourself someone safe and calm. It will take time to heal from the toxicity. Reach out to friends and family members for support.
There’s no reason to do this alone.