#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (What to do when you're smothering someone?)

Oct 10

We interrupt this post to bring you a message from our friends over at DateMySchool.com. Date smarter, not harder. Nerd on!

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.

Here is an email I got yesterday ...

(I preface this by saying I also loaned this duderino some books of mine - hence the box comment since he has yet to mail them back.)

Alrite, well thanks for reaching out first and foremost, uberly appreciated - secondly this is actually slightly more complicated than you realize.

This past weekend, I actually met this couple randomly on the street that had been married for 42 years. What is the secret to your success, I asked them?

Freedom, she quickly replied.

I then looked to her husband and he shook his head in agreement.

You can't think this one person in the world is going to provide you with everything that you need. They should complement you, but never complete you.

Huh, I said to her. That's incredibly astute and I think the best answer I've ever heard.

Relationships won't ever "solve" a problem, if anything, they only magnify them. Before you get into any sort of serious relationship you ABBBSSOOOLLLLUUUUTTTTEEELLLLLYYYY have to do some soul searching. (Hence why I gave this guy my copy of The Alchemist - MY FAVORITE BOOK EVER!!)

Think of a relationship like a dinner. Do you understand what you are bringing to the table? Have you identified the ingredients on your bliss list?

On mine, I need to travel, run, volunteer, dance, and have sex. (As a tier two bliss list, I also need to write, have my zen out period listening to music, and take pictures.) Those are my constants in life and genuinely what I need to do as a human being to operate at optimal level.

By understanding what is on my bliss list, I am able to maintain my happiness which in turn provides my life with great value.

By having VALLLUUEEEE, I am able to stand on my own two feet. (Professional success also gets you there as well. If you have both too, what a nice one two punch!)

By standing on my own two feet, I can provide everyone I am dating with the freedom they deserve.

Obviously, this isn't always easy when it comes to matters of love since your "common sense" light switch gets shut off - but the best advice I can offer even in that case is to just let someone be. When you understand your value and when you understand what your constants are, you are less likely to be anxious in regards to other people and self sabotage.

Nerds are SOOOOOOOO freaking neurotic and that neurosis is our biggest pitt fall since we get in our own way with the stories spoken from our anxiety.

Now, this guy, I know is in a committed relationship with this chickadee - but for everyone else who might be experiencing this stage while they are simply dating someone, understand this ... until you are in a committed relationship you absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. have to continue dating other people.

Absolutely.

Even if I'm SUPER into a guy, I will still accept dates from suitors. The only thing those scenarios have proven in my case, is that it makes the attraction for that person THAT much stronger - but it not only elevates my confidence in my decision but also allows me to stay sane.

Live your life, man, pay attention to your bliss and always always always make sure you are harnessing your value. This will allow you to give your mate the freedom they desire which, as my new friends told me, is the key to success.

Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com

ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!

Best of luck out there nerds!!

xoxo <3 @JenFriel

PS. And thanks for the sponsorship Date My School! You're not only hooking my friends up with awesome dates, but you're putting food in my belly. MMMMMMM foooooooodddddddd ... k bye.