#NerdsUnite: 35 and single - now what? (Still striking out)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Jeff. We met on twitter a little while back, and then over Christmas I helped him revamp his OKC profile. He's now here to talk to you about his life outside of the programming world. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JEFF!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Jtwebman
I was going to write about a new dating site I am working on in my free time but that will have to wait till next week as I must still be doing something wrong on the existing ones.
It’s been about 3 months of online dating and still nothing but a few online chats or messages back and forth. I have been getting more messages back since Jen helped me out with my profile and as I tweak more and more. You can check it out here. But I am guessing I am still scaring off ladies.
It’s been about 3 months of online dating and still nothing but a few online chats or messages back and forth. I have been getting more messages back since Jen helped me out with my profile and as I tweak more and more. You can check it out here. But I am guessing I am still scaring off ladies.
Over the last week I wanted to really push hard and dropped my normal, probably way to high standards just to get more experience chatting and interacting with women online ... but I have struck out each time.
I spent at least a hour each day writing and responding on OKC and POF. I still must be missing something because 95% of the time they ether never check out my profile at all or check it out and never respond. Seems like I would have better odds walking up to random women in a bar then online. At least then they have to blow me off if they are not interested or at least I get a nice conversation out of it. Online you just never know.
Maybe it’s something I am saying so here is a dialog I had today:
Maybe it’s something I am saying so here is a dialog I had today:
After that last message she just stopped messaging me back? Did I say something wrong? Was I too candor with her about guys thinking about sex? She brought it up first but maybe I should have made more of a joke out of it. It’s one of the hard things about online messages as body language tells so much more and I was laughing when I wrote it.
Sorry I didn’t want to make this a rant. I want to learn from it. So ladies and guys do you have any tips? Do you see any red flags in my profile? Should I be more aggressive in my messages? Should I ask more question about them in my messages? Do I need different photos? I can use all the help you are willing to give and I do understand not ever women is going to be open to me. I figured I can at least get better odds then talking to random strangers out and about in town but maybe not.
Sorry for the 100 questions but I am sure there are tons of other guys asking the same questions. Thanks again Jen for giving me the opportunity to write on this great blog.
Editors comment: Don't ever ever ever include in your message "if you are interested lets chat online sometime."1) It shows a lack of confidence. She SHOULD want to talk to you. You're the bomb diggitity perschnickerty. Own that shit! She's on an online dating website TO be talked to ... so go be that guy!!!2) You're only asking to chat online? No no no no no ... go in for the kill. First message, grab a detail from her profile ask her to elaborate. Second message, (if she replies to the first) say, wow - that's great, or whatever was applicable to respond with. Want to grab a drink or coffee this week? I'm free on X day. Confidence! Confidence! Confidence! It's not WHAT you are saying - but HOOWWWWWW you are saying it.3) Quit apologizing for things and thanking me. Be heard! This is your space to do whatcha wanna dooooooo - so freaking rock it! You're brave enough already for putting yourself out here, now go ... be freaking awesome! You're a part of this community as much as all of the other writers. ROCK ON!!!xoxo <3 @JenFriel