#Interview: A Hot Biopsychologist Discusses Social Dynamics
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Pablo Martinez/ Jordan Harbinger
Thu-Anh (affectionately known as “T”) met AJ and Jordan while attending the University of Michigan in 2006, after finishing her degree in Biopsychology and Cognitive Sciences. In 2008, she started working with The Art of Charm to leverage this degree and help provide a female perspective on social dynamics.
Pablo: So what’s the biggest mistake that men make when trying to get the girl?
Thu-Anh: In general, I see men making most of their mistakes in the first couple minutes of a conversation – during the all-important “first impression”. Personally, I believe that the worst of these mistakes is giving off a “creepy” vibe
Pablo: A lot of girls say that guys are “creepy”, what exactly do they mean by that?
Thu-Anh: I believe that “creepy” really is in the eye of the beholder. In my opinion, most women use the word to describe an unwanted or awkward advance from a man. Often times, the creepiness comes before the guy even opens his mouth and doesn’t really have much to do with the words he is saying.
If you ask most women that question, they might not have the same answer— they’ll simply tell you that they got a “bad vibe” from a guy – that it’s a “gut" instinct. Now, when most people say they have a “gut” instinct, what they are really saying is that they are reading a situation from their subconscious. You see, 90% of our perception comes from our subconscious, so often, when a woman has a strong initial reaction to something, it’s her subconscious mind making a snap judgment on the situation. Nalini Ambady and Robert Rosenthal coined a term for this that they called “thin-slicing”, and that’s a great example for what’s going on here. Women are constantly “thin-slicing” men, and that’s why they get these instant reads.
Pablo: “Thin-slicing”…very interesting, didn’t Malcolm Gladwell write a book about that?
Thu-Anh: He did, Gladwell’s Blink is a great overview of the process of “thin-slicing”.
Pablo: Can you give us an overview of “thin-slicing”?
Thu-Anh: Sure. Human beings have evolved over the past 100,000 or so years, and along the way our subconscious brain learned to recognize subtle patterns in our environment to help us make quick decisions. This would have been extremely helpful 50,000 years ago when early man was forced to react quickly to a chaotic landscape where he had to deal with lots of complicated and potentially dangerous information.
Our unconscious thin-slices the world around and our brains rely on those split-second decisions to form opinions on people, places and things that we have just encountered. And the most amazing thing about thin slicing is that we don’t even realize we are doing it! These impressions take place purely in the subconscious and often occur within a fraction of a second.
Pablo: So how exactly does “thin-slicing” apply to a man’s first introduction to a woman?
Thu-Anh: Well, it’s important to realize that a woman’s social instinct is generally much stronger than a man’s. She is much better at reading subtle cues of body language, voice tonality, eye contact and the like. And since she has the job of sifting through potential mates quickly, she is much more likely to “thin-slice” you. So based on the theory of “thin-slicing” there definitely is some truth to the old urban legend that “a woman knows if she will sleep with a man within 10 seconds of meeting him”. Actually, a more accurate description would be that “a woman knows if she WON’T sleep with a man within 10 seconds of meeting him.
Pablo: So what’s the key to make sure that she “thin-slices” you in a good way?
Thu-Anh: In a nutshell: Body language.
Pablo: So it’s all about body language?
Thu-Anh: Absolutely. A lot of guys worry about what they should say when they first meet a women. But the truth is that how you act is far more important than what you say. There is an old study from UCLA that says that 93% of communication is non-verbal. Now, this study is often misunderstood, so while that number might not be 93%, it’s still safe to say that your non-verbal communications – body language and voice tonality – are still an extremely important part of the attraction process. And this is especially true when it comes to first impressions – as she has already made a judgment about you before you’ve had the chance to say anything.
Pablo: Interesting, what are some important fundamentals of body language?
Thu-Anh: Well, at The Art of Charm, we focus heavily on body language – not only for the first impression, but also during conversations with women. But for now, here are some easy tips to make a good first impression.
1. The first fundamental is smiling – this is an easy one...always remember to smile
2. The next is having high energy – I’m oversimplifying here, but the gist is to be upbeat, positive and happy when you’re out
3. Third, we have eye contact – Don‘t be scared of making eye contact; feel comfortable doing it and know when to take it away.
4. Fourth, have good posture and walk with purpose –keeping your back straight and your chin up.
5. Fifth is to have a confident mindset. We have a saying “lead the mind and the body will follow”. So if you have a confident mindset, that will “bleed” through to having confident body language.
For more tips on body language, check this out!
Pablo: Great, any other thoughts or tips?
Thu-Anh: Absolutely, we have a great (and free) meetup group in Los Angeles that deals with all of this stuff, go to www.afterhello.com to check it out