If Men Got Pregnant ...
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Awesome Applesauce: Charles Quevedo
Many men consider themselves superior to women because they are bigger and stronger than them. Many women would probably care to differ, arguing that a female's ability to give life gives them the edge in superiority. But... "what if men could give birth"?
I know, I know... the idea of men getting pregnant and giving birth sounds a little too "Sci-Fi"-ish. I'm pretty sure that this idea make many beer guzzling males on planet Earth shiver at the very thought. Film makers of the 1994 film, "Junior", even toyed around with the idea.
2 months ago, I even had a dream of myself being pregnant with @JenFriel's love child and giving birth (I DON'T wanna talk about it... and I'm sure she doesn't either).
Carrying a fetus for 9 months and giving birth is supposed to be a beautiful experience. There are reasons why nature chose women to bare children and NOT men:
1) Breasts. Women lactate, their breasts nourishing the babies with milk once they're born. Men DON'T have them, except those plump dudes who have "moobs" (man-boobs). Let's face it, if men had breasts, they'd probably end up playing with them.
2) Morning sickness. Nausea and vomiting of pregnancy (a condition that affects half the pregnant women). Due to those drunken college frat party days, plenty of men have experience embracing toilets and "vomiting" into them, but I DON'T think men could actually handle "morning sickness" like women can.
3) Pregnant belly is NOT a coffee table. If men had huge round pregnant bellies, they'd be tempted to place their beer mugs on them while sitting in bed, watching the football game.
4) Grunting. Does anybody really want to see some hairy "man" grunting, screaming and making weird faces while painfully trying to push the little bun out of his oven (in the "birthing room")? The image is just too disturbing.
5) Where the hell would the baby come out? There's no place for the baby to "exit" (except.. you know where). I DON'T even wanna think about this one.
With billions of beautiful females on this planet, let's just be glad that the fantasy of men getting pregnant and giving birth isn't possible.
Follow Charles on Twitter: @FuglyCharlie