#Dammit: I met someone ...

Nov 11

Alrite, I normally don't post on things like this, particularly so early in getting to know someone ... but it is greatly effecting my psychological state, so I feel it would be a disservice to not address.

I met someone.

Like me ... ME!!! ... I never meet someone. Well, let me step back, I never ALLOW myself to meet someone. It's no secret that this site started all because of a broken heart. Amazing the energy we all put into relationships. The second that thing came unplugged, I just THREW myself into creating this brand. Totally nuts, and totally true.

I've since spent the last year acting like a dude. Literally - there is this theory that women can't have emotionless, unattached sex ... *waves* Hi, my name is Jen ... and I just proved you wrong. It's totally against the rules of everything I believe in in Buddhism, but it was just also this horrible fact that I love what I do SO much - it has an actual physical side effect. I am a horny bitch. Furthermore, I am a clever horny bitch ... haha, so I will get what I want - ain't no doubt about it.

It's so weird though how this all came about. And please note as well, this is incredibly incredibly incredibly new. Like crazy stupid new, like so crazy stupid new I should definitely not be posting on it, but again - staying true to the medium and true to my art in general ... I don't know how not to.

It all started with this email on OkCupid. I've been fed up with OKC as of late, as the dudes are just getting more and more boring. I am so stimulated all day every day working in social media, that somehow a single profile and a couple pics rarely does it for me anymore. I check my inbox every day to increase the odds of my profile being seen, as the ones that login most recently are placed at the top of the search - and since this loverly site is listed on my profile, it oddly enough helps with traffic. So lame, so true ... don't hate the nerdy chick for milking the system!! HAHA!! jigga jigga jigga ...

Either way, he had sent me a few emails, and I totally went past them. Not anything against him, but I max out that inbox once a week, I just very literally did not see them. But then, the other night, I popped up in his Facebook newsfeed! I was tagged in a pic from Halloween, so he dropped me yet ANOTHER line on OKC ... this time I saw it. I then screen shot the email and posted it on TNTML, as I just thought it was a funny story. But then, we got to chatting late one night and I was pretty floored by this dude. And trust me, it takes a LOT to get my attention.

He's Buddhist-ie ... not currently practicing but definitely living the way of life.

A lawyer ... my dad's a lawyer *paging Freud line 2 ... Freud line 2*

He's into intellectual property, copyright and trademarks. Which is like MUSIC to my ears!!! Dude, he geeks out over law the SAME way that I geek out over social media. It's kinda gnarly.

He's super passionate, and super just super. His pics on Facebook are insane. There isn't a single picture where he doesn't look like he's having the time of his life.

I am not even kidding you when I say that I just met my male counterpart. Literally ... down to the fact that we are both ambidextrous and we both have dogs named Rocky Balboa. I mean ... I have no words.

We were supposed to go out on our first date later this week, but he found out he has to surgery today. He's got a collapsed lung, like serious serious shit. He's super young, 26 ... and we had been chatting it up so much the other night on Facebook that I just said, come pick me up. This is lame. We hung out, and just started talking ... and it literally freaked me out.

Normally, I have this weird glow about me and people always describe meeting me as an "experience." But with him, I was 2 steps removed. I just kept thinking, oh shit! oh shit! oh shit!!!!!!!!

This wasn't planned. I am so fucking busy right now man, the LAST thing I would have planned for was having more than just a crush on someone ... but this stuff happens. We are foolish to think that we plan anything in life. Success in anything comes when you just go with the natural flow of it all.

We've basically hung out for the last 48 hours, and I don't know ... this is different and I am scared shitless. He digs what I do, and told me he has no problem being talked about on the site and blah blah blah ... and for the first time, I actually believed him. Not a lot of guys can handle what I do. I learned that back in 07 when I was lifecasting for LiveVideo, guys I dated got INCREDIBLY jealous. This one guy even wanted us to like get married so we can do this like weird Newlyweds thing. He was such a starfucker.

I don't know man ... I just keep feeling that this is different. I am in this very weird place of feeling emotionally vulnerable for the first time in a very long time. I think once your heart gets broken so badly, like that body wrenching, I can't even breathe please make this pain stop, entirely body consuming pain ... its a bit hard to recover. I'd be an idiot to not pursue this. Matters of the heart are just so hard to deal with.

I'm very much a science-ie type chick. I heart facts. Social media is a reflection of life, I can profile people incredibly well, figure out their constants, figure out how they would react to my constant, and come up with a relatively good idea of whether or not I want to move forward. Terribly unromantic, but it works out pretty well. With him though, I have met my own match. I am reading my own profile. We're matched 93% on OKC!! Jeebus ... I'm just scared. Really really scared. But, I have to stay true to my own blue and know that as long as I stay within 86,400 seconds, and have no expectations of anything with him - I can stay sane. It's just hard, it is so so so so sooooooo HAARRRRDDDDDDDDD!!!!!