Good news!

I’m autistic!

And life makes SO much more sense now.

Clinically I’m considered a genius, but I won’t let that stop me from doing dumb things.

j/k i’m over the notion that self-deprecation is funny.

How did I get to this conclusion?

Via my Dr. (now colleague), who is a trained Human Lie Detector.

Technically not through him directly, but through a series of actions and THEN a diagnosis.

I sought out the Human Lie Detector’s help in an attempt to profile who was/is behind the gang stalking that has been happening to me for almost five years.

I went from seeking his help to now helping him (and others) by going into military grade training taught to Prime Ministers, Presidents, and members of NATO.

I really knew what I was talking about … I just didn’t understand that others couldn’t see the patterns I was seeing.

my entire life i’ve been labeled as being “perceptive” but i have never been asked to explain how i concluded whatever it was that i concluded.

How do you quantify perception?

I’m not sure, but historically, I’ve been rewarded with few questions asked.

People just say “that’s just Jen; this is what she does.”

In this experience, I discovered I’m gifted.

I have a hypersensitivity to my environment and I parlay that into an off-the-charts processing speed of what I’m experiencing.

After a handful of the worst/most surreal years of my life … this … THIS is what FINALLY makes sense.

Maestro …

As noted in my last post, I have been gang stalked for the last almost five years.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IS WRONG.

VERY WRONG.

AND WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG I GET LOUD … VERY VERY LOUD.

Since then, I have spoken to multiple members of law enforcement, filed reports with the FBI, and even hired private investigators.

Initially I was advised (for my safety and severity of the stalking) to go into hiding.

One of the first investigators (who personally handles security for a well-known & notoriously private family) went line item by line item on my areas of exposure, and noted the only way I could truly protect myself was to go off the grid – completely.

I was advised to erase all of my social media, and even my life’s work digitally (which isn’t technically possible but considering he knows one of the slightly more than a handful of people who can shut off the internet) …

… I knew to shut up and listen.  

After a very detailed half hour phone call on a burner phone outside of a restaurant I do not frequently go to, I was then asked to put together a timeline of incidents for him to review.

I profusely thanked him for his time, as I walked back over to our table to tell my now husband (Jeff) what I had just heard.

“I don’t know how to say what I am going to say, so I am just going to say it … I’ve been advised to go entirely off the grid. No phone. Internet. Credit cards. Nothing.”

As I said that, I quickly processed what that would mean for our newly minted and legally binding marriage.

“Wow, he said that?” (The “he” being the investigator that I got connected to through Jeff.)

“Yes, but it doesn’t make sense. Obviously, I’m super grateful for his time, but my instinct on this is that it’s psychological. Why would anyone hire the equivalent of a Lifetime Movie private investigator to ‘tail’ someone for so long?

“If someone wanted me dead, I’d already be dead.

“It’s not expensive to kill someone!

“These people aren’t smart.”

“You have to look at each bit of information you collect from this point out as a perspective of the individual giving it. The Investigator is trained to protect people at. all. costs. It’s his job to tell you what your liabilities are but remember, his suggestion is strictly from the ‘protect at all costs’ perspective.”

“Ah, so it’s a spectrum?,” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“Ok, great!,” I said identifying a data point and not my next step.

“What’s your instinct?,” he asked.

“I need to profile the person behind this. Less about the why and more about the who.

“Come on … the LIFETIME MOVIE VERSION OF PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS?! I’M BETTER THAN THAT!!!

“I’m at LEAST worthy of some Brooklyn Nine Nine Doug Judy style stalking.”

“You HAVE to include that you call them Lifetime Movie Version of Private Investigators in your post. It’s so spot on.”

“Yes, but let’s make sure I have a post to write first.”

refusing to believe that going off the grid was my only option, i was then connected to another person who specifically handles profiling.

“He’s the best,” my friend said. “We use him all the time. He’s profiled multiple presidents, and serial killers … he works for intelligence agencies and will be very direct.”

I took a deep breath as I placed the call (this time from a hotel we also don’t frequent).

For another half hour, I spoke my truth explaining that “I’ve been told I’m not taking this seriously enough, and then when I did take it seriously and sought help it was from my friend/ neighbor who was then murdered (unrelated). I’ve been told to go off the grid entirely, but before I do that, I have to know there are no other options.”

“How can I help you,” asked the very calm Dr.?

“I’d like to hire you to profile the personality of the person behind this behavior. If I can understand what their personality is I can get a better idea of what their next step is. I’ve gotten shockingly good at predicting the behavior of people I do not know.”

We then arranged a time to meet.

In the meantime, he said, “if you are in any danger do this [code word] and that [code word].”

realizing the reality of what he said, and not the fantasy of this maybe being the coolest thing i have ever heard – there are code words in this life experience!! real life code words!!

… I chose to stay quiet.

He followed it up with more instructions that for obvious reasons can’t be mentioned.

With an entirely different demeanor, I walked back over to Jeff and said “that was a very different phone call.”

“You okay?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “But I feel like I was heard so that feels good.”

I walked back to our hotel room and took a moment to let the words like water shower over me.

The Dr.’s voice and instructions replayed in my head as I started to cry.

I’ve been heard … I’ve actually been heard.

The instructions (while cool) weren’t as powerful as finally realizing that after nearly five years, I was on a path that was going to lead to some sort of … outcome.

Not “good” or “bad” just some sort of … outcome.

Our session began a few days later over an undisclosed computer … using an undisclosed program … in an undisclosed location … where I had privacy … and a firewall protected ethernet cabled connection.

With heartbreaking detail, I went into what I (and Jeff) have experienced and have continued to experience.

For two hours I was asked varying degrees of the same question positioned differently.

For example: if I was first asked, how was your day today? I would then answer, and about … ten or so minutes later he would ask again, your day today – what was it like?

The differences are subtle but my answers were the same.

Over

and

over

and

over.

“I have very detailed notes, texts, eyewitness reports, cards from the police, photos and video of the people involved,” I insisted.

I continued, “all of the witnesses are credible (::spoken proudly::) and extremely accomplished too!!”

This is from (basically my older sister growing up) Ashley, who is quoted in the last post here …

Ashley’s son went viral before the pandemic.

You might remember seeing this photo from inside a Target store?

That’s colton!! Her son!!! The model!!!

i mean i dare you not to cry your eyes out with this clip and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!

Our families are family and I was SO PROUD to hear of Colton’s success. I’ve been a long time cheerleader!!

<tangent> No one ever wants to be part of litigation, but it would be hilarious (strictly for comedic purposes) to show the cast of characters that have witnessed the stalking.

i’m good friends with the (now retired) rocket scientist who holds the patent for a laser based gps (which is the same technology used to land the mars rover).

He got so pissed a few months back (noticing I was being followed/watched) at our local watering hole that he physically made me leave with him.

I told him I had just gotten there, and he said “and now you’re going and I am giving you a ride home to make sure you get there ok.”

“He is the definition of ‘walks quietly and carries a big … patented laser … USED ON MARS.’” </tangent>

“How does next week look for you?” the Dr. asked at the end of the session.

“Yes, please,” I said with saline stained cheeks.

“How’d it go?” asked Jeff after the session.

“I’m really tired,” I admitted.

“I would be too after a two hour session with a human lie detector.”

“Wait, what?!” I asked surprised.

“That’s what he does! That’s how he profiles people. (Jeff is a writer and had previously taken meetings with the Dr. about helping on a few projects.) I remember when I interviewed him (something he does before taking on new clients) he said that his ability is legally registered in a court of law to determine if someone is lying or not. Just him. That’s how highly regarded (and factual) his opinion is.”

I had googled the Dr. before our session and knew “of” his methodology, but there was something so simple and matter of fact about hearing he’s a “human lie detector.”

“Wow, ok, so there’s no “worst case scenario” here.”

“What do you mean?”

“if he’s a human lie detector i can ask him for documentation on what i’ve said – independent of the profiling. i’ve presented a lot of evidence to the police but a note from a human lie detector is certainly something. i know i’m telling the truth – i don’t need him to tell me that.”

“I know you are too.”

<tangent> This is the part that is so frustrating for stalking victims- the patience and energy it requires to fight back. With stalking, you’re a liar until you’re proven a truth-teller. I wish it was different, but it isn’t.

My word is only taken so far.

Literally anyone else’s word carries more weight.

So a note from someone whose word was taken so seriously was extremely valuable to me in this moment. </tangent>

Before our second session, I sent the Dr. my posts, the surveillance footage, and all other relevant information supporting what I was saying.

“How can I help you today?” asked the Dr.

Immediately, I burst into tears yet again going into what I have seen, any new details from the week in-between, and my continued fear that I do not understand what I am up “against” so I do not understand what to do.

When I was stalked at 17, I at least knew the people.

While this time I do believe I know the person who is behind the ordering of it, but I cannot confirm and refuse take that risk.

“Tell me about the stalking you experienced as a teen.”

For an hour I went into the details, pivoting back the last hour to what was in front of me asking what he would advise me to do?

“What do you think you should do?” he asked.

“I don’t know, that’s why I just want to focus on the profile.”

“Let’s focus on you,” he said.

Trusting in the process, I listened and told him more.

“How do you know you are being stalked?”

I stopped for a moment, realizing what he was asking.

i had to think about how i wanted to say what i had been seeing – i had never been asked a question like that before.

“What I’m presenting is an intangible within an intangible. I’m asking someone to believe that I am being followed/tracked into a series of places where someone I have not met before not only records my conversations but also takes pictures and videos. I’m then asking someone to believe that all of these people are working together and in some larger picture collecting data on me for seemingly no known purpose.”

I paused again.

“I’m very aware of what I am saying, I have been spotting the same patterns over a VERY long period of time and I can predict behavior of people I have never met nor seen before.

“If I led with ‘hi, I can predict the behavior of people I have never met nor seen before’ I’d be a very successful Hollywood psychic. Let’s just say, I’m not coming here for that.”

“What patterns do you see? asked the Dr. in a very non-judgmental way.

“I can read body language. I’m not a human lie detector, but people are cookie cutters in my mind. I see shapes, and each one is like a fingerprint.

“Just a few weeks ago I recognized someone I knew from a moving bus. Not because of what my friend was wearing or any details like that … it’s just the shape I recognize.

“Only, these shapes look different to me, but all the same. (And remember I have never seen these people before so there is no “registered shape.”)

“Over so such a long period of time I can spot the discrepancies within seconds.

“the best way i can describe it is if all the other shapes are in color (like the wizard of oz) these shapes are in black and white. they don’t look the same, and their behavior is very ‘off.’”

I then brought up the YouTube video I made noting the time stamp in the corner.

“look at this video. i recognized the pattern i am telling you about in 14 seconds.

That’s it – just 14 seconds from visual to assessment to action. AND I didn’t just take action, I was right about what I was seeing.

“The Uber driver, Sandra, who was across the street noticed the “off” behavior too.

“how did two people who have never met or spoken to each other before see the same thing from two very different perspectives so quickly? truthful people recognize the truth when they see it.

“For the record, she was a very special Uber driver and we thanked her profusely for speaking up saying something.”

I don’t know, said the Dr. she’s a really special person for doing what she did, and you’re a special person to not only recognize it but also get the security footage.

“It wasn’t easy,” I admitted “and I have more than just what is on the YouTube video. A lot more.”

“How about we do the same time next week?” he asked.

Again trusting in the process, I said “yes,” but was secretly frustrated (or not so secretly considering he’s a human lie detector).

“Did you get your answer,” Jeff asked after the session?

“No. Only more questions. I still don’t have a profile, but I do feel worn out, yet better, about letting all of this out. I think I’m going into trauma therapy.”

“Is that what you wanted?”

“no. i wanted a piece of paper that said ‘this is the personality type you are dealing with’ – and move onto whatever the next step is. there’s not exactly a manual for this life experience.

It’s two two hour sessions later and I still don’t have it – but I get it. I’ve seen this life experience before and I ACTUALLY know what my next step is now.”

“What is it?”

“another session next week.”

The following Sunday, I woke up with a fit of rage.

I was regretting life decisions I had made. The thought pattern was so unlike me, that I thought it was best to do a “me date” day and reintroduce my actual self to myself.

I promised Jeff I’d be reachable, as I put on my Doc Marten Combat boots, captains hat, and cat dress ready for wherever and whatever the day had in store.

I parked the car in Koreatown (one of my new favorite places) and decided that I was going to see where the wind took me. I made a conscious decision to not live in fear, but to be aware.

A few blocks down I looked up and saw Mo’s Haus of Axe.

well, i might need to use an axe on someone some day, so i might as well start practicing what it’s like to throw one.

I was then paired with @justjess_e who was surprised I was by myself.

“So, you just came here on a Sunday afternoon to throw an axe … by yourself?”

“Yes.” I said.

No more questions were asked, as she took her place in the stall and explained the rules.

cat dress, combat boots, captain’s hat, and now axe in hand … i felt pretty proud of myself. throwing an axe towards a board that you are imagining is someone’s face is quite effective at releasing anger.

Jesse started laughing as I commented on her awesome athleticism.

“Are you naturally an axe thrower? Or some other kind of athlete and ended up here?”

“I’m a dancer actually!” she said with a mix of excitement and fear.

“How is that going for you?” I asked.

She then went into her personal frustrations and feeling a lack of confidence not within her ability but in the marketing of herself.

“Girl, you are talking to the wrong person about that.”

She laughed with curiosity asking “what do you do?”

Then for the first time, in a VERY long time, I told someone I did not know my story. Not about the gang stalking (that’s boring) but my ACTUAL story (you can read more about that here).

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You did all those things?”

“Yes,” I said. “I worked really hard and I’m good at what I do. I’m shameless about it – you have to be. No one else is going to do that part for you. YOU have to be your own biggest cheerleader.”

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today.”

“It’s true, the reason why I’m here by myself is I needed to let out some anger. After this, I’m going to head to Blipsy’s right up the street. I find the hand and eye coordination from vintage gaming to be relaxing. Much like with axes, you just go into this “zone.”

“TOTALLY!” she said excited.

The session lasted about 75 minutes, and was just as physically exhausting as the sessions with the Human Lie Detector.

We then swapped IG handles as I bid my new friend goodbye and continued the adventure up the road.

i don’t know if it was the throwing of an axe, the winning one of the axe throwing games, or my combat boots with captain’s hat, but for the first time in a long time i was friel-ing myself.

I then walked into Blipsys ready to be in one of my happiest places on Earth. While I frequent the place, I had yet to make friends with anyone. I don’t know why, but I just don’t really care. I go there specifically to play games. It’s a part of self care.

I mean look at this place …

nerd-vana

I then grabbed some quarters and a margarita as I checked out their post COVID games.

I nearly teared up at how “normal” everything seemed.

Not Blipsys … as nothing is normal there … but in general. I hadn’t called 911, or needed to leave due to safety concerns. I was BY MYSELF for the first time in recent memory.

What’s the saying, “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone?”

That was real, but so was my plan to get it back to “ness” of this.

All this.

All the this-sy time.

OOH what’s that, I asked to myself after seeing something shiny.

It was one of their new games Chase HQ …

I read the description: The player is driving an unmarked police car and must chase various criminals.  When you catch up to the criminal, you have to hit him several times to knock him off the road and capture him.  You have three bursts of turbo charge to help you.  It also features police lights on the marquee area.

beat up criminals? ram cars while the sound of sirens play? don’t mind if i do! i said putting in the first of many quarters.

Much like the axe throwing, there was a certain release from smashing my computerized car into a criminal’s vehicle and seeing them in handcuffs after.

Level after level and about 30 minutes or so later, I heard a “WOAH” from behind me.

Not turning around or away, I had assumed the one of five people in the place had done or said something to someone that was interesting enough to warrant that kind of response.

Again, I was aware, but I didn’t care.

I complete what I think is another level as applause appears from behind and all around.

Letters flash in front of my face indicating the HIGH SCORE as I turn around shocked.

“SHE BEAT IT!! SHE’S THE FIRST ONE TO ACTUALLY BEAT IT.”

Wait, WHAT!?! I shrieked. I’ve never beaten an arcade game inside an arcade in my entire life.

“Well you did now!!” shouted the guy from the bar who I still hadn’t turned around to because I was entering in AAA for my name.

“i think i need a minute” i said sitting down at the bar.

In an almost ceremonious like fashion, another curtain (one in between the pinball machines) opened as I was physically pat on my back and given a high five.

“Well done,” the woman said as she disappeared almost as quickly as she appeared.

“WHAT. THE. FUCK.” I said. “I have so many people to call. This is a big life moment.”

“I’m C and this is my buddy R. We saw you get to that last level and all thought ‘shit – she’s going to do it.’ And then you did!”

“I thought I just got the high score, I didn’t realize that was for the ENTIRE GAME.”

Newly minted in both high score and self awareness, I then explained how I did it.

“This game has patterns. I recognized the patterns. That’s why I love vintage gaming. Their approach to engineering was SO different. Now it’s all about attention, and addiction. Back then the data points weren’t programmed in the same way. I could spot the pattern in each of the vehicles and the scenery and knew how to adjust. I’ve never even played this game before!! I’m two for two in winning in new life experiences. Earlier today – I also won a game while axe throwing.”

deadpan the bartender said “did you just casually throw in that you were axe throwing earlier today?”

“YES!” I said with laughter as I called my husband, and person of honor in our wedding @lindsaymushett.

“I want you to try this game,” R the other friend said. “There are less patterns in them – I’m curious to see how you do.”

After a few minutes of observation of his game on a 1980 SEGA classic (I also had never played), I played my own.

“You’re good,” he said. “You have lightning fast hand and eye coordination and you quickly adjust as you learn. Here’s my card. Let me know anytime you want to learn more or if there’s anything I can help you with.”

Jeff came to pick me up a short time later.

Still buzzing with excitement I told him “this was one of the best days of my life. I mean our wedding was number one but this is pretty close.”

“I haven’t seen you this happy in a while. It’s good to see.”

“It’s the combination of everything though. Getting my own life back, on top of adventuring, then gaming – I HAD PEOPLE TO CALL WHEN I HAD AN EPIC LIFE MOMENT!! TEN YEARS AGO (when I got what I wanted and realized it wasn’t what I wanted) I had no one. Not even the Street Fighter game I would play down the street! There’s so much growth through all of this.”

“I’m glad to hear you talking like that again.”

here’s the text to the retired rocket scientist …

A few days later, I had yet another session with the Dr.

I explained how epic my weekend was and how great it felt to be on an ‘upward’ track again. I’m taking control of my own life again.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a genius? Or is this a new thing for you?”

“I finished high school at 16 with honors, and never went to college yet sold a company and three TV shows. I know I’m not stupid but calling myself a “self proclaimed genius” isn’t something I’m interested in either.”

“It’s not self proclaimed if someone else is saying it. You are a genius.”

I took a moment not to just say thank you or deflect. I had spent hours with this Human Lie Detector seeking answers when the reality was I already knew mine.

“I’m going to re-launch my blog. I don’t know if “rebooting a blog” is a thing yet but I’m going to do it.

For the first time in a VERY long time … I own everything that I created.

I can’t change the attention others choose to place on me, but I DO KNOW how to monetize it.”

“I’m very happy to hear you say that. Another session next week?”

“Yes, another session next week.”

<editors note> WOW! How exhilarating to write all this out. Happy early birthday to me! Next up, I’ll explain how I found out that I’m autistic (and how you can check yourself at home) and talk about the training I’m going to be documenting. I still can’t believe I CAN actually document what I’m going into.

Here’s part of the formal offer:

I’ve never done this before, but before a post goes live I’m going to send it to him to review just to make sure from a liability perspective that I’m not revealing “too much.” If a boxer’s hands are considered a lethal weapon in a court of law … so will my mind be after this training. His exact words were “you can be dropped anywhere in the world with only a parachute and you’ll be able to read everyone in the room.” “Or jungle, or island,” I said. 🙂

THIS IS SO EXCITING!! Thanks for being a part of this new journey!! <3

Oh and here are the IG DMs from Jesse …

I made sure to ask for consent.

</editors note>