OOOOOOHHHH Washington DC, you are a very interesting little city.
So, first up – a hoi hoi from DC everyone! I’m currently chillaxin here for the holidays celebrating with my family. See, my brother bought a house last year so he is hosting Christmas at his home this year for the first time with his girlfriend. It’s pretty cute actually, and I’m grateful because there is a spare bedroom so I’m not sleeping on a couch. WINNING!
My brother asked me on the first night I got in if I wanted to have lunch with him at work. I immediately got excited because my brother doesn’t just work anywhere … he works at the motherfucking Pentagon.
Yep – big deal.
I honestly come from a crazy high aspirational bunch. I’m actually a descendent of Roger Sherman, and even when I went to Harvard to film an episode of VidBlogger nation this year – I wound up getting schooled on my OWN FAMILY HISTORY!!!!!
I’m supposed to be a Daughters of the American Revolution – but seeing as to the fact that I am a nerdy hippie with no political affiliation nor any desire to have one – I’m pretty much kosher for passover.
We agreed to have lunch on Thursday, and after a few easy directions I went to bed, and the next morning got my butt up and showered and got ready.
It was funny as I was charging all of my nerd gear I wondered exactly how far I was going to be allowed to go with everything. See, being a lifecaster is not really a welcomed thing at a place like the Pentagon. My brother and I could very literally not be on further sides of the life spectrum.
I called my brother at his office, am I allowed to bring my phone?
Can I post that I am going there?
Can I take pictures?
Can I tweet?
I didn’t really understand the no tweeting part – but whatever. I then posted on Facebook my plans not wanting to disobey but rather to keep you all in the loop with what was going on …
<tangent> I very honestly don’t know what my brother does. I know he’s an analyst, and I know I got researched up the butt when he was being interviewed – but yeah, I have no idea. I just know it’s a big deal. </tangent>
I then reviewed the directions my brother gave me, put on my blowfish shoes and walked out the door.
OMG OMG OMG OMMMGGGGG their Vance shoes are very literally my new favorite thing ever. SOOOO FREAKING CUTE and totally lightweight so they don’t hurt your ankles. I can literally run a marathon in these bitches!!!
They fit me so so so perfectly and are my new super duper favs. They’re CRAAZZYYYYY comfortable. Fashion and practicality excites me greatly. (click here for more info on where you can get a pair)
I then put “the pentagon” into my google maps (just incase) and walked out the door.
The directions were simple left, right, left, go down the stairs – cross over the cross walk, find the tunnel, stay to the right, go through security, call the office when I get there.
Easy enough, right?
Yeah well … no.
My brother is an incredibly intelligent person. Like FREAKISHLY genius level smart – but when it comes to simple things like directions, he fails on a lot of levels. See, my brother gave me directions for going out the front door of his building, not the back which is the only way I’ve ever gone out of his building.
BIG BIG BIG oversight when your directions simply start with hang a left, and hang a right. By leaving through the back door it reversed everything so what was left became a left leading right and so on and so on.
Fortunately, after 15 minutes of walking in a complete circle, common sense kicked in and after a few angry tweets I just decided to forgo the directions and follow the signs towards the Pentagon.
I knew it wasn’t far, and I could visually see where it was at the top of the hill, I just had no idea how that translated to walking there.
A half hour later my phone rings.
Where are you?? You’re late!
I’m FREAKING LOST – I scream into the phone.
I then describe where I am and my brother instructs me to turn back around and head towards the tunnel.
Where the hell is the tunnel? I scream
I can’t see the tunnel!
That’s the point – my brother snaps back. Just go through the parking lot, you can’t miss it.
FTR, I always always always hate when people say “you can’t miss” something. Motherfucker I am unfamiliar with this city – I WILL MISS IT!!!
I hang up the phone, start walking through the parking lot, and do actually find the tunnel.
From there I find the pentagon and am greeted with an overwhelming number of “no photography” signs.
And so it begins I think.
I then forget to stay to the right and walk left and realize I am at the wrong entrance.
Humor aside, my frustration rose. I CANT FREAKING FIND ANYTHING THIS MORNING!!! BAHHHHHHH!!!!! I’m normally a very zen human being, but I had literally been wandering around for an hour and EVERY TIME I turned somewhere it was the wrong entrance, the wrong street, the wrong something. Plus you add in the general anxiety of the fact that this is the PENTAGON and one wrong turn could compromise national security, and you have a recipe for one nervous nerd.
I eventually did find where I had to go, and after a check of two forms of ID and a pass through a metal detector, I got to enter the pentagon.
That. Place. Is. Huge. (thats what she said)
It’s pretty cool, it’s a little city all to itself.
My brother greeted me at the main waiting area, I was then given this pass …
… and then the tour began.
First, he took me through the halls which looked less like a place of business and more like a mall. So many stores!! So much awesomeness!!! Why would anyone ever leave if they worked here? There’s a freaking Best Buy INSIDE the Pentagon. AH-MAZING!
He then took me over to his office to where I met all the fancy pants people he worked with. Even two of the fanciest pants who were apparently so fancy that it was a SUPPEERRR big deal that I got to meet them.
I had no idea who the hell they were so I just smiled and nodded staying real and genuine. I dunno – I get intimidated by big wig tech peeps, but no one else really gets to me. People are people, some have cooler jobs yes – and in this case some could have me killed instantly, but meh! I just sort of went with it.
One of the mucks looked down at my shoes and asked if it was smart wearing those on a walking tour of the pentagon. With SOOOO much excitement and enthusiasm I said, oh no! These are Blowfish – you have no idea how incredibly comfortable these are.
Seriously- if you have a wife or girlfriend, they need to know about Blowfish.
My brother shoots me this look like, is this for real?
I smile thinking yes, yes it is. THEY’RE FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!
He then continued the tour – my brother works literally a few doors down from the Secretary of Defense. He started geeking out explaining to me how important that was. I just sort of smiled and nodded again knowing nothing about anything he was talking about.
Do you even know who our Secretary of Defense is?
I look at him like a deer in headlights. To the google! I think – oh snap, but wait, there’s no cell phone reception inside the pentagon. SCREWEEEEDD!!!
Donald Rumsfeld, I reply.
My brother put his hand in his face and said, no Jen. That was a few administrations ago.
He then told me who it is – and honestly I still forget, but I got to see their office! Lots of flags on the outside, and super plush carpeting. It was super pretty!
As we walked over to the cafeteria for lunch we passed a group of generals.
Wow, my brother said taking a moment – I’ve been here for so long now and it still gets me walking by three star generals.
Oh, the guy in the black jacket I pipe up – he totally just checked me out. Which is hilarious because I never notice that shit.
Wow Jen … Wow.
Wow is right I thought. Fuck yeah! I just served my country. You keep on staring you three star general you!!! And if you need me to uh, defrag your computer you just let me know how I can be of service.
So, that happened. I then grabbed lunch with my big brother (to which he paid, thanks dude) and we gabbed about life. I caught him up on all of my projects and he was excited. It’s going to be a big year I kept saying, I can’t believe it all actually worked out.
It’s really cool kid what you have going on, he said. I’m proud of you.
Well thank you big brother – I am proud of you too, I said. This place is nuts.
As I cleared our trays I caught a few more generals staring at me.
I look back at my brother – it must be weird having me as a sister isn’t it.
Jen, you have no idea he said putting his arm around me.
My brother then walked me out, and he went back to work. I unfortunately didn’t get to keep my little badge thing, but fortunately I didn’t get arrested nor did I have to be strip searched. WINNING!
I then went back to my brother’s place, got some work done, and a few hours later met up with one of my brother’s friends who works in the social space at LivingSocial.
It was really rad, we went to this placed called Rocket Bar and I not only got to get my drink on but we played four games of EPIC skeeball.
I was a little rusty, but left the champion.
WWEEEEE ARREE THEEEE CHAMMPPPIOOONNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
I am not a very competitive person with most things, but when it comes to trivia, air hockey, hoops, or skeeball I fucking THROW DOWN!!!! I get really really really excited and ready to go.
I then got a quick view of the LivingSocial office and their epic ball pit – AHMAZING! And then headed back on the metro to my brother’s place.
Dudes, the metro in DC is CRAZY beautiful …
Then I got off the metro but spent the next hour COMPLETELY turned around and lost. DC is a very very very confusing place. But either way, again being in Blowfish shoes my feet weren’t hurting, so I enjoyed the walk.
I finally got back to my brother’s place, and then sat down and caught up with him for a bit while sitting in a recliner from our childhood home.
As I settled in and opened up my MacBook pro to start writing out the story, I got a text from this couple I had met earlier in the year on my date with this really rad chick.
Yep, one of the 103 dates in 9 months was actually a female, and a really rad girl. We had a great night, but this gorgeous couple totally wanted to bone me. I was turned on by the gesture, but again – I was with someone else that evening, and wanted to remain loyal.
We’ve chatted a bit back and forth over the last year – but very honestly I’ve just been bouncing all over the place and haven’t had a chance to see them again.
They invited me out to kick it with them when I get back in LA and I was totes game.
I laughed thinking, this is one of the dirtiest things ever. Here I am sitting in a recliner from my childhood planning out an adult fantasy while my brother and his girlfriend are talking about grocery shopping for Christmas.
I barely finished the thought before I got this picture text …
Oh yes, this is going to be fun I texted back.
And there ya have it nerderinos!! When I get back to LA I am going to be doing some crazy kinky shit, and yah! Life is good! It was SOOOOO great to see where my brother worked, and even cooler to talk tech with one of his friends at LivingSocial.
It was kinda gnarly though and I had a taste of how my family must feel about me getting so excited about everything in the tech world. My family has NOOOOO idea what I do. When they tell people, they say “she does something with Facebook and has a website.” That’s it! But there I was with all these SUPER HUGE people and sort of staring at them and their fancy offices going – now what. Is this supposed to be cool?
The Blowfish shoe was on the other foot nerds … the Blowfish shoe was on … the other foot.
Special thanks to Blowfish Shoes for not only their fanschmastically awesome shoes that totally don’t suck, but also for the sponsorship. For reals though, their Vance shoes make my life! You can check ’em out over yonder. xoxoxxoxoxo