Talk Nerdy To Me’s @StaffWriter:
Everyone has their own individual list of relationship deal breakers. What are relationship deal breakers, how do they work, and when do they apply to you?
Relationship deal breakers are factors that, if present in a relationship, will cause you to end it. These issues could be positive or negative and the list of possible deal breakers is endless.
There are no right answers when it comes to making your own list because every person’s needs and experiences in life are different. What works for one individual may not work for another so there is nothing wrong with having whatever standards you want in a partner.
Keep in mind that this article takes a very black-and-white approach towards defining deal breakers. This does not mean that issues between people can’t be solved; however, some things should be considered automatic red flags when for love.
Here is everything you need to know about relationship deal breakers, how they work, and when to keep them in mind during your next relationship.
No One-Size-Fits-All List
Debating what should go on a list of deal breakers is impossible because everyone has different needs. For example, one person could feel uncomfortable dating someone who is unemployed while another individual would also never date a coworker. Both of these factors are reasonable examples for their respective individuals but it’s important to realize that there is no universal list for this topic.
As far as those who argue that having no deal breakers would be ideal, that also has its problems. While that might be fantastic advice to give out to your children, this outlook is unrealistic when it comes to dealing with real-life situations.
Deal Breakers Are Not Standards
Relationship deal breakers should not be confused with standards because these two words hold different meanings. Standards are expectations that someone has about the way things should be done either by themselves or others. Relationship deal breakers are black and white factors based on personal preference which will cause you to end a relationship.
Examples of Relationship Deal Breakers
The simplest way to define how an individual would define what goes into their list of relationship deal breakers is to offer examples.
Let’s say that someone has decided that having kids is a deal breaker for them because they don’t want the responsibility of supporting anyone other than themselves. Since this person wants to remain childless, someone wanting to have children would be considered a deal breaker for dating purposes.
Another person’s list may have emotional and physical compatibility as one of their criteria for entering into a relationship with another person because they are not willing to compromise on how often they have physical intimacy. For this individual, being able to have physical intimacy whenever and wherever desired would be important, so having incompatible preferences in terms of frequency or method would constitute a deal breaker for them.
Think About Your Relationship Deal Breakers
One way to come up with a list of relationship deal breakers is by thinking about why certain factors would cause you to end a relationship. You should consider your personal experiences and needs in order to determine what issues are deal breakers for you.
Once you have made a list, use it when needed.
It’s important to have these deal breakers when looking for someone because it helps you avoid wasting time on people who are not compatible with your needs. If your list of relationship deal breakers includes the person being in debt, it would be inadvisable to date them if they have an overwhelming amount of financial obligations.
Make a List Custom Fit to You
Ask yourself what things in relationships will cause you to end dates or relationships during this self-exploration process. Think about your needs, experiences, and desires when defining which issues are relationship deal breakers for you.
For example, one person could decide that religion is important while another individual may state that having children is necessary for them. We all want different things out of life so it should be no surprise that no two lists will be exactly alike.
Don’t Make the Rules Too Rigid
While it’s important to determine what issues are deal breakers for you because that helps you avoid wasting your time on people who won’t make you happy, you should not make the rules too rigid. This means not putting a list together of unreasonable factors.
In some cases, these extreme standards veer into controlling behavior which is something that most people do not want from a partner. It’s also important to consider the fact that needs and wants change over time so adding a set of criteria to a list would mean that someone may end up getting stuck with characteristics they don’t need or desire later down the road.
Don’t Expect Perfection
When making a list, it’s important to remember that no one is perfect. Nobody will meet all of your criteria and having a set of deal breakers does not guarantee that you will eliminate all incompatible individuals from being potential partners.
Deal breakers allow you to keep your self-respect, protect yourself, and set yourself up for success.
That doesn’t mean your partner will not make mistakes along the way.
Relationship Deal Breakers: What to Do When Your Partner Has One?
If you discover that your significant other possesses one of your deal breakers, the best response is usually to talk to them. Don’t jump to conclusions or make rash decisions before you know all of the information.
You don’t want to end a relationship based on half-truths and misunderstandings.
Instead, have an open and mature discussion with your partner. Make it clear that this issue is a deal breaker for you and see what they have to say in response.
This approach can help resolve issues without causing damage to the relationship or creating undesirable tension between the two of you.
If talking about it doesn’t work, then you should consider ending things because something like this is beyond what most people are willing to accept in a relationship.
When dating someone new, remember not to make assumptions about compatibility too quickly and focus on listening rather than reacting when dealing with important issues such as relationship deal breakers.