#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s @ashleighmayes and @SaintPepsi
Ashleigh: Hello, nerdy lovers! It’s Ashleigh…
Jordan: …and SaintPepsi here!
Ashleigh: The word of the day is…BOOBS! I’ve had this discussion with my girlfriends before, and it always comes back to the fact that boobs aren’t that awesome.
Jordan: I’d like to counter with the age old cough *bullshit!*
Ashleigh: Seriously?! I just don’t get it. They’re…annoying! But before we get to the pros and cons, let’s examine them for what they are: an important part of survival.
Jordan: If surviving means sucking milk it would have to be a pretty well timed apocalypse.
Ashleigh: *rolls eyes* If the first cavemen hadn’t discovered that (or had the instinct), for their infant to survive, they needed to place the little shit’s mouth by that lump of fat on the female, none of us would be here today.
Jordan: They probably figured it out by watching cows or something. Really the credit should be given to the smaller creatures that really did have the instinct to do that.
Ashleigh: Eh…I suppose so. I’d hate to see the world if people copied more things that humans do. Heh…I suppose we’d save water if everyone used their tongue to clean their own…nevermind. But back to the biological aspects of the breast. Each breasticle is made up of, from closest to the body to the farthest away, the breast wall, the Pectoralis muscles, the Lobules, the duct, the Areola, the Nipple (Heh…Nipple is a funny word), and of course, the skin.
Jordan:That’s a good start, i’ll admit to liking all of those things together. However, to say boobs have but one purpose is sadly a short sighted look into their many productive uses which may not all be practical.
Ashleigh: Oh, Jordan! Ok, ok. I guess you’re forcing me to deprive our dear readers a lesson on the biology of the boob. Tell me, then…WHY are boobs so awesome?
Jordan: Well they are useful in some many different ways. Depending on the size and yes all guys like boobs no matter what size they are. So long as there are boobs there. Boobs have been used in all forms of fashion and design. They mark the giving nature of the mother, they are inevitably the first place the eyes fall for anybody. Girl, gay or guy. Boobs have a way of pooping up everywhere. In art the boob allows for the woman to be curved and even more sexually appealing where as a mans marks art stern and hard. In society dresses accenting the boobs properly show status and a determination to keep one’s self groomed. You will hardly find a lady dressed up to her best with out spending some time on how her boobs look to assure the proper amount of gawking. There is the natural giving nature of the breast which has been used in religions across the world for centuries as a source for nurturing, and lastly in a sexual sense the cluster of nerves at and around the boobs offer a girl even more areas to be stimulated during the sexual actions she takes on. Frankly I’m jealous.
Ashleigh: Don’t be. While I see where you’re coming from, as a breast-bearer, I can’t tell you HOW frustrating they can be. I get embarrassed easily, but there’s nothing as awkward as trying to squeeze past a crowd and accidentally have someone rub all up in your rack. Or how about hugging short people? Seriously? It’s like they’re short just so they can fit their face in there! But that’s not the worst thing! Clothes shopping, that’s what! I get SO pissed off when I find something that’s SOOO cute but can’t wear. It’s either that it makes my boobs look boxy, or flat as a board. If it’s not that they don’t look right, it’s that the top fits around my waist and lengthwise perfectly but doesn’t fit at ALL in the chest.
And the fact that some guys (or girls, I suppose) put so much importance on them bugs me. I’m not saying that YOU are, Jordan. You’re too awesome for that. I just hate how that’s the VERY first thing that some care to even notice.
Jordan: It’s hard not to notice them. They are shaped like bullseyes. And that has been frustrating for myself. While I am not a fat person to say I am chunky enough to have “MAN BOOBS!” Dun Dun Dun… a source of endless shame in jr. and sr. high. You are right finding shirts large enough to not accent my lumps of fat on my chest is a difficult task. One I’d rather avoid. Boobs on a guy just don’t work so well, aside from being brilliant for a pillowish place for a lady to cuddle up on. i still admire and love the time girls to put into them. i know not all guys notice when a girl has taken the time to look gorgeous. There are a few of us that notice the little things, like a haircut, new shoes, or even new clothes. Because lets face it guys will never have to worry about accessorizing or bra’s. You can’t tell me it’s not the greatest feeling in the world to watch a guys eyes bug out because you are a drop dead knock out. KO you sealed the deal with a whimsical kiss and you’re out to dinner. Those things have mystical powers that the kids at Hogwarts never dreamed to use… Stupid wizard robes.
Ashleigh: Haha. Ok, ok. It IS fun to make boys stare. You mentioned bras. That’s another pain in the ass! If you’re even slightly off of average it would be hard for you (I’m not saying I’m off of average!! WAIT…I’m not average! CRAP!) to find a perfect fit. Not only that, but boobs are the indirect cause of a sore back. I don’t know HOW many guys snapped my straps in my years of public school! And what can we do in our defense? NOTHING! And not only that…but if you get hit, it HURTS! I guess that goes without saying, though. But seriously! It’s FAR too easy to hurt them when you’re playing around. A basketball hits a guy in the chest and it’s like…”Eh…whatever”. With a girl, it’s like “HOLYMOTHEROFDOG!”
Jordan: Oh I know I’ve been hit in the boob. Still you don’t have ball’s a dangling so even trade i say. Also people don’t hit you in the tits because it’s funny. You see a guy get hit in the junk it’s a riot. You see a girl get hit in the boob it’s a show stopper. Everything ends because everyone trys to comfort that girl. That’s why so many girls just grin and bear it because they hate the sympathy they get from getting hit there. That aside the whole bra shopping thing I totally get. i am a man who isn’t afraid of Underwear shopping for my significant other. There’s a reason guys buy gift cards because if you get the wrong fit they won’t ever wear it except the one tome to show it off. I usually stick to buying panties for them. Panties tee hee… another funny word. You girls and your funny terms for things. So adorable. Frankly i’m surprised yo haven’t brought up hard nipples… Or the side term glass cutters.
Ashleigh: Jordan, you read my mind!! That was literally what I had lined up next. It’s extremely embarrassing to run outside for something RIGHT across the street in the Winter time and come back inside. People are staring and you then realize why…you forgot to wear a jacket. And it’s just as painful to try to cross your arms over them! It’s so obvious! Who crosses their arms that high up, anyway?!? And another thing: nip slips! I can’t say I’ve PERSONALLY had this happen, but I once got on an elevator with a girl who didn’t even realize what had happened! Who wants to ADMIT that they’re looking? Wait!! WHY was I looking?!? I take comfort in the fact that the other girls in the elevator noticed, too. Haha…anyway…poor girl probably walked around all day like that! Sometimes you just can’t keep ’em in, I guess. And when they decide to take a look at the world, it causes a TON of trouble!
Jordan: True we guys don’t get erections all day long or walk around with bulges. It would be just as noticeable though i think. Once again guys don’t usually walk around with their hands over there junk. But as you said you were looking. Isn’t that something you know you would do. even if she didn’t have a nipple out for a breath of fresh air. You still stopped to gander at their gals. Girls size up girls way faster and more obvious than guys. As guys we have spent years training our eyes to not look at boobs first. Girls never took this mental class. I will almost promise you that the next girl you talk to will look at your boobs before the guy does. Double standard! So you don’t care if the girl does but if the guy does he’s a creep!
Ashleigh: Hey now, be nice! I didn’t say that the FIRST thing I noticed was her boob! We were actually a few floors up before THAT happened! I do believe that you’re right, though. There are a lot of male/female double standards. But we’ll get into that another article. What have we decided, anyway, Jordan?
Jordan: I think we agree on a lot of things, I can see valid arguments on both sides and for similar parts of this debate. But my dear Ashiegh I still love boobs and all their mystical powers. I can’t agree with the proclamation that they are only useful for one purpose. Me thinks you can’t say that and truly believe it either. 😉
Ashleigh: Jordan, Jordan. You’re so determined, muh dear! I agree that they have magical powers, but I, personally, am not affected by them. Call it a difference of gender, but I stick with my initial claim that boobs just aren’t that amazing.
Jordan: Guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree. Seems a shame! But maybe in the next episode we’ll sway each other to a single side.
Ashleigh: We shall see, huh? Well…that’s all we’ve got on “boobs”! Check back for the next co-written article! Signing out!
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January 1, 2011