Time To Effing #GetItOn: My Weekend With An International Badass

AHHHH!!! So, the international badass just left mi casa – and I can’t stress this enough, I had an absolute BLAST!

Well, lemme break a few things down … cause like with most things in life it wasn’t all peachy. Creamy, yes. hahahaha I said creamy … omg, stop it Jen!!!! ADD ALERT!!! K. whew, tangent – okay …here, music. Music makes life better.

So, he came in on Saturday night … I picked him up at the airport and I kid you not, I have never been more nervous for anything in my ENTIRE life! Fortunately, I was also executing a one off to the social experiment (see the post tomorrow on it), so I had to get these 2 people in this place … and it was kinda a clusterfuck … times had to change, people needed to be alerted – it was annoying, but fortunately worked out and fortunately gave me something to focus my energy on other than the boy.

Ugh. He’s so hot, and so delicious.

What is his walk going to be like? Does he have swagger? Our skype sessions have been OUT OF CONTROL and we’re both in the social space, it was one of those things that this was going to be totally epic, or totally awful.

I got at the airport about an hour early because I had taken the city bus, and I wanted to make sure I got there on time. It was cool though, I had my Droid Charge which had the Devil Wears Prada loaded in, and I had my Macbook Pro – so I had a few episodes of Sex and the City keep me company.

At 9:15 I get a text. ::beep::

HELLOOOOOOOOO GORGEOUS

I look down, as I see someone walk closer to me – it’s him! It’s him! It’s him!!! The international badass.

I go in for a kiss, and he goes in for a hug.

Wow, awkward – okey dokey.

I kiss his cheek.

He held me so tight, it was literally one of the best hugs ever – and my body just melted into his.

Yes, yes, yes, I thought – this is the moment I’ve waited for. Dude, two LONG weeks of sexy skyping … that is some SERIOUSLY built up sexual tension. I don’t deal well with pent up anything – I get shit done, man. Either we’re going to do this, or not – I very honestly don’t care … but don’t leave me wanting something without having doable actions to execute. hehehehe I said … “doable.” heheheheehehehe

So, we go to get the rental car, and my ADD was just out of control. I was so so so nervous. I get super quiet, and just kinda want to melt into my hood, put headphones on, and drift off to my happy place. I get weird, really fucking weird. I am at least just smart enough now to understand situations that will make me weird so that I can avoid them at all costs.

This however, I could not avoid. I wanted him, he wanted me, he flew all the way down here … and I was just fucking antsy man.

He called me out on it a couple times … Are you skipping?

Yep!

HAHA you’re a trip.

We then get to the car rental place and for some weird reason they wouldn’t let me rent it because I only had a debit card, and his credit cards were from Canada … so yeah, it was bullshit. We instead went outside and grabbed a cab, and I kid you not – that was the NICEST cab I have ever been in! Dudes it was like a limo!!!! INSANE!

We start chatting.

I sat there the entire time relatively quiet wondering if he was going to kiss me.

Just kiss me. I’m right here! We’ve talked about it for weeks … WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!!?!

This wasn’t how I had played it all in my head. I imagined us embracing at the airport in this big movie star kiss where I drop my Samsung Swiss Army Backpack in the heat of the moment and let it fall to the ground without a care in the world.

This wasn’t that.

We were actually talking. Like talking talking … that means we weren’t making out. No bueno.

Tangent: I am SUCH a kissing slut. I can make out for hours. Well, not hours cause that gets lame and my lips start to hurt … but I adore adore adore making out. I just … fucking love it.

We get back to my apartment, and I think GREAT now’s the time. This kiss … this kiss I’ve been dreaming about, this kiss that I’ve been obsessing over for two weeks.

We walk inside, and close the door. I show him to my room where he puts his bag down.

Yep, this is it – I say.

Great place.

He proceeds to take out his 13″ Macbook pro.

Really? Really? Are we gonna have a geek out sessh instead of a make out sessh? Cause I’m totes kosher with either, but I need to tell my hormones to calm down a few if we’re not gonna like … do it.

I turn on the flat screen thing in the living room that doesn’t connect to the internet and flip on the 90s channel.

We start talking, and I ask if he is hungry.

Absolutely, he replies.

Rad! Wanna grab a pizza?

Sure sound good.

I whip out my 15″ Macbook pro (size matters) and order Papa John’s online.

What do you like on your pizza?

Not sure. What do you usually get?

Jalapenos and Chicken. My absolute FAVVOORRIIITTEEE!!!

That sounds delicious – let’s do it.

I order, as he checks his email. I think to myself, this is not at all how I pictured this going down.

I sit over on the bed next to him and stare at him making sexy eyes.

He looks up.

Wanna kiss now?

Yes, I say.

He kisses me … FIINNNNAALLLLLLLYYYYY!!!!

Sparks flew all around our heads, and ugghhhhhhhhhh – I was so turned on. Like REDIC!

Then Gettin Jiggy With It comes on … hahaha not. even. kidding.

Hello 1997, I didn’t hear you come in!

HAHA dudes, I was making out with a dude to Gettin Jiggy With It, while waiting for a pizza to arrive. Like seriously?!?! High-larious.

First base quickly rounds to second, and I go in and steal third.

Ugh – everything about him is hot. I can’t stand it – he’s just … so smart and sexy. SUCH a turn on.

My body starts to shake as I am so UNBELIEVABLY turned on just as my roomie’s dog starts barking indicating that the pizza man was here.

Fuck, man. We were just about to get it in.

I answer the door red, completely disheveled, and obviously flustered.

The words that came out of my mouth were hi, what do I owe you … but what he read from my face was, hi, I’m about to get fucked. Can we like, wrap this up?

THANK YOUUUUUUU, I say as I sign the credit card receipt.

The international badass emerges from my bedroom, and sits down on the couch.

YUM!

Uh, wait, we can’t like still give this whole thing a go … you really want pizza? Cause I can give you something else to eat.

DOWN HORMONES!!! DOWN!!!!

I sit down, and open the pizza box.

We turn on So You Think You Can Dance.

UGHHH!!! That show is amazeballs. The roomster TIVOs it, and apparently he is a fan. We start watching … I snuggle into his chest as I eat a piece of jalapeno wonderfulness.

We then proceed to comment on the dancers, and the host. DUDE!! That Cat woman looks like she has had a SERIOUSLY rough life. She’s a beautiful lady, but man, no sparkle in those eyes of hers. Absolutely crazy.

We finish our pizza slices, and still lay in a little cuddle nuzzle thing.

After a few minutes go by, and I realize this episode is 2 fucking hours, I start to unbuckle his belt.

He looks down, what are you … the strategic placement of my mouth stops him dead in his tracks.

OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He flips the station back to music, and 30 seconds later, we go into my room.

You can’t touch this starts playing.

He throws me down on the bed, and grabs a condom.

AH-FUCKING-MEN. THANKKKKK YOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

20 minutes later, we both get up and notice that we managed to move the bed a SOLID FOOT during our hanky panky.

Dudes- a SOLID FOOT!!! My bed is RIDICULOUSLY heavy … queen size … it is now a FOOT away from the wall.

I laugh and grab my Droid Charge and snap a picture.

He doesn’t flinch at me wanting to document our post hanky panky awesomeness.

MAJOR brownie point!!!!

We then flipped on Netflix, and called it a night. There wasn’t a lot of cuddling which was kinda rad, since I’m not the biggest fan of it. I don’t mind a little lovey dovey-ness here and there, but when it’s time to sleep … I like to fucking sleep.

The next morning, I woke up and looked over at the badass. UGH! Even his dreams look sexy. He’s a pretty sound sleeper considering the streets of Hollywood can be pretty damn loud.

He woke up a few minutes later. I start kissing him.

MORRNNIIINNNNGGG SEXXX YESS!!!

He pulls down my sock monkey PJ bottoms, grabs a condom and wham, bam, thank you ma’am.

HAHAHA dudes, it was HIGH-LARIOUS, when he was done, he goes, we just fucked and all I saw was the Effing Gear logo.

I piped up and said yes, this is guerilla marketing at it’s finest.

He starts laughing – let’s grab a shower.

We then spent all of Sunday Funday drinking … we started off at Saddle for their bottomless mimosas, and followed it up with a trip to 3rd street promenade to hit up Barneys and my friend’s bar Yankee Doodles.

So. Much. Fun.

And I got so. friggen. buzzed.

Dude, day drinking … man oh man … No bueno.

It was incredible though, after a few brews, he really opened up and asked me some pretty serious questions about the state of social media, this site, and where I want to brand to go … etc.

I told him, and he was intrigued. He brought up a few great points that I hadn’t thought of … and then I exchanged some tips to him on his start up.

It was pretty hot, but it kinda got me thinking, is this dude looking to invest in me? Or have sex with me?

I’m fine with either. I really really REALLY respect this dude professionally … he really knows his shit in this space – but I don’t do both. I can’t mix emotion with business, I really liked this boy, and he kinda had to decide.

He then turned and kissed me.

Okay, I get it.

I find you very interesting, he said. What you do is fascinating, and it’s about just living life, so you can do almost anything with it.

Yes, I said – but it has to be something that I feel inside of me. I won’t just do something for the sake of doing it. I’m not ruled by money.

I can tell, he said.

I just really dig what I do, and the life it allows me to lead. There is power in just the simple pleasure of having fun; the response I get from people is insane. I love it.

And then, I got an alert that someone had posted something new on the TNTML Facebook wall …

I slide my Droid Charge across the table … this is why I do what I do.

This is the validation I get – I’m doing something right, I just don’t understand it yet.

He kisses me again, and we order another round.

I can’t explain it other than this entire weekend I feel like I went out on a date with myself. It was CRAZY. From his TV watching, to the way he sort of analyzed me … it was nuts. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone I was so similar to, which is kinda screwing with my noggin because on OKC we are only an 83%. Dudes, he wouldn’t even pass my prerequisites for my experiment.

Insane in the motha fucking membrane!

We got back to the apartment after a solid half hour bus ride where I practically molested him with an audience of 10 watchful riders. Yeah, that was fun.

Not.

hahaha I just didn’t care.

He then met the roomster, and I proceeded to rip my clothes off and run into my room where we boned again … for like 2 hours.

I am not even kidding you – we got back at like 1am, I checked my iPad when we were done and it was 3am. No joke!! HAHAHA INSAAANNNEEEEE!!!

Oh and look how far we moved the bed …

3 FEET!!!

3 FEET has to be some kind of new massive record. AH-MAZING!

He felt great, I dug every minute of him. I had a blast this weekend, but I gotta admit when he left I totally spent a solid 5 minutes crying.

Not because of him, or the chick thing of – oohhhh I’m going to miss him.

Yeah, I might, but that’s what skype is for. I don’t think we’re going to date or anything. Maybe something in the future for sure, I certainly travel a lot … and I know he can as well … but I cried because he made me realize that this life that I created isn’t ready for another person. At all.

When he was asking me about where I wanted to take things with the site, I explained to him that I really want to travel more. I want to go to Egypt this year, and I’m going to contact this sponsor for X and this one for X – I just want to go on adventures around the world and document.

Who wants to date a nomad?

I complain all the time about being single, and about all of this heartbreak I have experienced in dating – but I’m doing it all to myself.

I created this life, I choose this, so why am I having such a difficult time accepting it? Did I create this so that I wouldn’t allow someone else in so I couldn’t get hurt again? That’s total lame sauce. I want to get married one day, I am pretty certain I want kids … but I’m never going to get there if I can’t even just get a fucking Valentine. I turn TWENTY SEVEN this year, and I’ve STILL never had a fucking Valentine for Valentines day.

I just don’t understand how I can do so so so well professionally … and build this thing … that even I don’t fully understand … but I can’t get a guy … and I can’t even stay interested in a guy for longer than a day or so.

It made me super sad, and made me feel even more lonely. I just can’t see this ending until I choose to change my lifestyle a bit – but that’s absolutely 100% never going to happen.

Fuck.

So here I am … with a sore heart. He’s on his way back to Canada with a sore penis which he credits for me “fucking like a champ” last night (hey man, nerds do it right!!) – and I’m not sure which is worse.

I’m incredibly appreciative for him and for this weekend, but I’m just now even more heartbroken and mad at myself which isn’t kosher.

What am I doing, and how can I break this pattern?

UGH!

Oh, but he did also give me a super cool gift from Canada …

It’s a solar powered name keychain. Super rad especially because now I have a home again to put house keys on it!!!

But seriously, thank you International Badass. As with most things in life, I didn’t get necessarily what I wanted out of this weekend, but I got exactly what I needed.

All my love and all my heart. Thank you.

Oh that, and you left your tshirt – but it’s cool, I’ll keep it warm for you.

Special thanks to Effing Gear for sponsoring my latest social experiment. (I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here … and read the rules here.) You can check out more from Effing Gear over yonder! Dudes, no joke their shirts are HELLLAAAA soft!!! Mama likes!!! =)