#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: You attend a regular party dressed in a costume & are greeted by 3 guys you dated.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I have had LITERALLY the most BAT SHIT 48 hours ever. From losing my phone at a bar and having someone swipe it, to discussing anal sex in front of Emma Roberts and that dude from Glee … I just … can’t even begin to describe the awesome randomness; I now present you with my best effort …. ::deep breath:: 

Here’s the song that goes with the post: 

I cannot handle how much Pitbull turns me on. I just watched his Behind the Music too – what a really cool human being with a very … very … bald head. RAAWWRRRR!! HOT!! =) 

Anywho, so on Friday I had to write out the script for the dramatic interpretations of OKCupid emails for our third stage show (March 23 at 9:30!!). See, all of the emails are 100% real, but I have to pick them out, and order ’em, while writing in witty commentary. It’s not easy but I enjoy it, and make a little event with it by going to a bar and drinking some beer while I do it.

Everything with the script went off fine – I emailed it to the guys, and by like 7:30 was feeling pretty toasty but I didn’t want to head back home just yet. I then plopped my fanny over at the bar and literally within seconds this guy sits down next to me and starts talking. 

I don’t remember how he introduced himself to me, but shortly after he sat down I asked what he did, and his response was “I manage talent that you’ve heard of on networks that you watch.” 

Did that really just come out of your mouth right now?? Is this REALLY happening??? Sniffing that I could at least get a story out of this dude, I humored him asking him to “tell me more” while seductively stroking my hair and his ego at the same time. 

Oops did you hear that? It was the sound of my panties dropping at your AWESOMENESS!! ::yawn:: 

I’ve lived in LA for 8 years, I’ve met this same exact guy 100,000 times, but again sensing I could get a post out of our interaction excited me. 

We chatted for about an hour; he kept buying me beers and even a few shots of patron. Now at that point I had been drinking for almost 5 hours, on a diet of three chicken tenders … dudes, I got fucked up fast. 

As I was about to excuse myself from clearly being too intoxicated (when I get super drunk I actually don’t get rowdy, I am conscious of the fact that I am drunk and I normally just sneak out a back door not wanting anyone to see me), this OTHER guy comes up from behind me and asks if this is my boyfriend that I am with. 

No, I replied. 

UGH BIG MISTAKE FRIEL!! Stupid liquor making you say the stupid truth. 

The original guy then feels threatened and goes in and KISSES ME AT THE FUCKING BAR!!! 

I was like wooah … woahh … woah … I didn’t slap him, but I was GENUINELY stunned. Who does that? I’m certain he was obviously drunk as well, but I just met you – your tongue does not need to be crammed down my fucking throat. 

I take that as an excuse to close my tab and leave the bar. This guy is LUCKY that I didn’t smack him for kissing me, and if he thinks for even 30 seconds he’s getting anything more, he’s in for a RUDE awakening when my knee hits his fucking dick. 

I was super pissed, super overwhelmed, and super drunk – not a good combo. 

I grabbed what I thought was all my belongings and cabbed it back to the apartment where I passed out until the morning. I woke up around 9 and started freaking out – omg, where is my phone. 

It was this … JOLT to my system that I knew something was off.

FUCK 

FUCK 

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

I start panicking. 

I tear my room apart, run outside … look. freaking. everywhere. 

About 20 minutes later my roommate wakes up and I ask if I can borrow her phone, mine is missing. I then start calling my phone, and tweeting out my findings. 

Then one of my twitter buddies Adam goes, oh! so that’s why you called me at 5 am last night? 

WHAT?! I replied back. 

Yeah – your phone called me last night. 

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKK I screamed into my macbook pro. I must have left in too much of a hurry and left my phone on the bar where someone swiped it. 

It honestly serves me right, but I was so unbelievably overwhelmed by the guys at that point that I just wanted out … and fast. 

I then get an email notification pop up on my screen … it’s from one of the guys at the bar (who I gave my card to since it still promos the site) … 

Are you for SERIOUS right now?!?!!? Dude, I lost my FREAKING PHONE because of you butts, you are the LASSSTTTTT person I want to hear from right now. 

Realizing that my phone is in fact gone though, I slip into ninja mode and IMMEDIATELY change all of my passwords on my social media accounts. 

My hands were shaking as I was doing it feeling so exposed. This person can read my texts and private emails … as a lifecaster I don’t have a lot of privacy, but my phone is my diary. 

Thank god I don’t have a boyfriend right now, so there were no naked pics in the phone, I thought. Focus on the positive Friel, focus on the positive. Remove the emotional components and figure out logically what makes the most sense to move forward. 

Next step? Need a phone.

I was fortunate that Samsung had sponsored my last phone, so I was actually eligible for an upgrade on my Verizon account, and had been wanting to get the iPhone for MONTHS but just had decided financially speaking it didn’t make sense. 

Now, it had to make sense. 

I laced up my high tops, grabbed an umbrella, and hauled ass up to Sunset to grab the bus to the Verizon store. 

In the most dramatic of fashion however it was POUUURRRINNNGGG cats and dogs. Not wanting to be too soaked I waited inside the Rite Aid for the bus, and while I was there the song “It must have been love” came on by Roxette. 

I immediately thought of my Droid … 

It must have been love little Droid, but it’s over now.

You and me had some amazing times together; we took great photos, you were there for me in my greatest time of need – but now I must replace you, and say good bye as I switch operating systems. 

I’d be lying if I said in that moment a tear didn’t escape my eye. Losing your phone is SO FREAKING TRAUMATIC!!! It’s my thing!! My baby!! And to a nerdy girl, her phone is her gate keeper of awesome. Dudes, I even had Ron Jeremy’s number in that phonnneeeeeeeeee!! 

Fuck. My. Life. 

I then headed over to the Verizon store, where I got a new iPhone 4s. It’s pretty fancy pants … 

Because I saved the majority of my contacts on my google accounts I was able to recover a lot of the numbers – but not all. I don’t have any of my “do not answer – EVER” numbers, or anything pre-smartphone which sucks. 

It’s not a joke btw if you call or text me within the next however long and my response is, I’m SO SORRY I lost my phone – please remind me of who this is. I genuinely now no longer have ANY old numbers, so now I get to have a series of awkward moments. 

YAYYYY!!! 

So, that happened. I then went out with my LA based family (aka the people I used to kick it with pre this loverly site and community) and we went to this beer festival in WeHo. It was pretty cool, we got to wear funny hats … 

and hang out with people that looked like this … 

It was great to get to kick it with my non-nerdy, non-techie friends for once. I have to learn how to create better boundaries for myself and my friends in relation to this site. I don’t currently have an off button – I don’t EVER stop working … and that’s no bueno. The balancing I know will be a process, but this was step one – hang out with old friends. 

The event started super early, so by 5 we were all pretty toasted. I then got a text from a buddy of mine from NY saying that he was in town and wanted to meet up.

Sure! I texted back, where do you want to meet? 

How about Goal, he typed back.

I start laughing. Out of alllllllll of the bars in LA, you pick the one that we host trivia at? 

AH-MAZING!! 

I then rallied the troops and got in a cab heading over to Goal. Within seconds of walking in the door, I bumped into two big groups of friends. Of COURSE everyone would be over at Goal, it’s St. Paddys day!!! 

It was great to see so many people especially at so many awesome levels of intoxication. 

We hung out there for a bit, and as I was closing out my tab I spotted a familiar face. 

That woman looks exactly like Jill Zarin from The Real Housewives of NYC … she then turned into the light more and I freak out; THAT IS JILL ZARIN FROM THE REAL HOUSEWIVES!!! 

I’m a huge huge HUUUGGEEEEEE housewives fan. When Andy Cohen tweeted me back after seeing him at the Oscars – a part of me literally DIED with excitement. 

It’s my guilty pleasure. It’s RIDICULOUS but I adore it. The women are so all over the place, I’m HOOKED! 

Huge fan … huge. 

She was actually talking to Brittny Gastineau from the Gastineau girls. 

Who knew that these chicks were even friends, let alone the fact that they both kick it where we play trivia? How rad is that!!! 

So, that happened. 

We then closed out our tabs, and my buddy suggested going to this party in the hills. 

What’s going on there? I asked 

It’s an eyes wide shut party, his friend replies, referencing the Tom Cruise Nicole Kidman movie where they’re naked and wearing weird masks. 

I’m not actively participating in an orgy, nor am I getting naked – but sure, I’m down to watch! 

See, I gave up casual sex at the end of last summer, and have also made a note of lessening my sexual experiences as to not intimidate men too much. 

How many chicks are totally down for threesomes, and have gone to multiple orgies in the last year alone? 

Not many. 

Guys want a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets. I’m being both right now, and that’s no bueno. 

I have to tone it down, but again – I’m not mad at watching. 

I then tell the guys that I don’t have a costume, and one of the guys pipes up and says, I have something you can wear!! 

He hands me this … 

If I want to stay covered at an orgy you might as well just wear a robe, right? Sexy without being … too much. (The hat was mine from the beer festival, btw.)

Here’s what the guys wore … 

We were hot. I’m just gonna throw that out there, that this was pretty freaking amazing. 

We then headed over to dinner in our costumes and wound up at a super fancy pants place called Izaka-ya which is actually just a few doors down from Goal. 

When we walked in the ENTTIIRREEEE restaurant stopped and stared. 

I mean how often do you see a lion, a centurion, and a chick dressed as Hugh Hefner with a leprechaun hat on walk into a restaurant? This is like Halleys comet and the zombie apocalypse happening in the same week!!! EPIC MOMENT OF EPICNESS!! 

The guys and I then start talking, and the conversation quickly turns to sex. 

Not in a overly titillated manner, but educational. We were all inquiring out each other’s dating and sex lives in a frank and candid manner.

I then notice two familiar faces walk into the restaurant … it’s Emma Roberts and Chord Overstreet from Glee. 

If you can’t tell I’m CRAZY good at spotting random celebs. 

I temporarily freak out being a former Gleek, but the guys barely notice continuing the sex talk.

The question then turns to first date sex, to which I say is no bueno; my buddy then pipes up and says, well what about first date anal? 

I nearly spit out my soda laughing. 

Did he really just say that? That’s AMAZING!!! 

We then keep talking, and I confess that I’m not mad at anal, I actually like it – but don’t ever know how to bring that up to someone. 

I mean how do you casually just drop that into conversation? Maybe this comes with the communication portion of dating someone and sharing these intimate details – but in the meantime, it’s all just an awkward mess. 

I then take a moment to reflect on the conversation we are all having, in our costumes, in this fancy pants restaurant and post a status update on Facebook … 

We then wrapped dinner before getting kicked out for our inappropriate table manners and costumes – and cabbed it WAYYYYYYYYY the fuck up Mulholland to the eyes wide shut party. 

I didn’t really know what to expect from the scenario, but I knew enough about orgies that people aren’t predatory and you can just kinda do your own thing if you want to. 

We walk up to the house, and see all of the lights on. 

No, like literally – the house was lit up like a freaking Christmas tree. Not exactly something you see at these kind of places. 

I smile, just deciding to go with the flow of everything. 

We then walk into the house, and see a sea full of black expensive looking blazers and cocktail dresses. 

Yep, this is definitely NOT a costume party, and DEFINITELY not an orgy. 

The guys quickly take off their costumes, while I have nothing to change into, so I just decided to be entirely badass and stay in the robe and rock it like it was the latest fashion craze. 

I then started to take pictures next to all the fancy art work … 

Good times were being had by all. Plus wearing this robe was a pretty gnarly conversation starter. 

I’m there for less than 5 minutes, and I spot yet ANOTHER familiar face. This time though, the uncomfortable kind of familiar face … it was of a guy that I dated … and not just “a” guy I dated, a guy I grew up WORSHIPPING, had a super big crush on and subsequently stalked on Myspace and got him to go out with me a few times (I was even his date to his birthday party. YEAH BOY!). 

 Remember Viper from Full House and Jayce from She Fought Alone? 

Yep, that’s David Lipper (read more about how we started dating here. go halfway down the page). 

He’s an amazing guy, we went out like 5 or 6 times, but I dunno … there was this void. We never got sexual past the point of making out with some slight boobage one night when I was wearing a backless dress. 

I haven’t seen David in almost 5 years? wow, crazy to think that – but yeah! 

So I see him walk by, and I shout in the least subtle way ever … DAVID LIPPER!!! 

He turns around saying, JENNNNNN!!! How are you?? as he reached to embrace me. 

It was kinda awkward for a minute, he definitely I think was going in for a kiss, and I hugged – I NEVER FREAKING KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THOSE SITUATIONS!! Do you hug or do you kiss? 

WAH WAH WAH WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO AWKWARD!! 

He then starts introducing me to these fancy directors that he’s working with. This is Jen, he goes, she’s an actress. 

I bite back, oh no no no, I run a website. 

See, I might have spent time as an actor, but I fucking hated it. It made me miserable. I need to write, and produce …. create. Not fucking act. 

He then kissed me on the cheek telling me we should hang out soon. 

Absolutely, I replied back. Maybe just a time when I’m not in a bathrobe with a leprechaun hat! 

He laughed as he continued on his way. 

I walk into the kitchen to grab another corona laughing at the randomness. What are the ODDS!!! 

As I reached for the beer shutting the fridge door, I spot yet ANOTHER familiar face. 

Oh dear god, oh dear god … it’s JOSH!! This guy I met off of Match in like, 2005!! 

Again, I absolutely never forget a face, and can spot people like NO OTHER!! 

I pipe up to one of my friends saying, I’m not a gambler, but I will guarantee you when I introduce myself to this guy he is going to say his name is Josh. 

I then walk over saying, excuse me – your name wouldn’t be Josh would it? 

JENNNNNNN!! He says back, giving me a hug. 

Ah yes, you remember too. 

I’m not entirely sure what happened between Josh and I. He’s super cute, but I’m sure there was something weird going on for me to stop dating him. Unless, I actually don’t remember the situation and maybe HE stopped dating ME. That’s entirely plausible and … oh boy … never mind. 

5 minutes of awkward conversation later, we talked about nothing, and both went again on our merry ways. 

I grabbed my friend, the now disrobed lion, (who I ALSO met off of Match in like 2004) and laughed at the situation. First off, this is not at all the party you thought it was. Second of all, I’m having a night of ghosts of Jen’s dating past. This is really fucking weird. 

He laughed and said, well, what in you attracted this? 

I think back, and start to freak out a bit. 

This is exactly what I’ve been experiencing for the last month or so with the Shaman. I’m closing a chapter on my life. Literally in the sense that I am also writing my first book, and have 100 pages of origin stories, but I genuinely can feel it in the air … life is about to change. I’m welcoming a new chapter into my life. 

Maybe this is here to just help you facilitate that change? 

I guess, I reply. 

What are the odds with this entire situation though? There were MAAYBBBEEE less than 50 people there, and I had dated THREE GUYS there all more than 5 years ago??

Even for me, that shit is fucking weird. 

So, that was my weekend. How was yours?? 

#thatisall