<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She’s a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say … HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>
“I think I should consult my “NO MAN MISSION” manual to see if this is even allowed” I said to myself as I got ready to go out. Yep, I came close to a relapse this weekend boys and girls. It was bound to happen I suppose. I felt like an addict who was acting shady, avoiding people so that they don’t ask questions. As I drove home I felt like I had just been hanging out with my drug buddy, like I bought the drugs but didn’t take them. It felt like I had the drugs in my possession and they were calling my name, enticing me, reminding me how good it felt to be on them. When I arrived home I found myself engaging in casual conversations with Tim (roomate/baby daddy/friend for life/family). Thank God he didn’t ask what I did that night.
Since everyone knows I am on my NO MAN mission I feel somewhat safe, and until recently I hadn’t met anyone that made me feel like I could fall off of my NO MAN wagon. Well, there was “Kryptonite” but that is another story. I digress. Since I work with this person I feel like it is okay for me to hang out with him. I will call him “Trainer”. “Trainer” is a personal trainer, a yogi, he is cute, charming, spiritual, filter-less like me, he has enthusiastic energy, and I dig it. We are into the same things, we get along wonderfully and when I am around him my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Shit, this feels good, but somehow, bad at the same time.
Even though I am single and free to do what I want, I feel like I am doing something I shouldn’t be doing when I am around “Trainer”. I still feel like I am dishonoring my ex by enjoying the company of another man. I know I feel this way because it is too soon for me to be attracted to someone else. It has only been a little over two months since “Someone” and I broke up. I even hesitate to write about this because by writing this, it may actually “cut the cord” between “Someone” and I. I am not ready to feel his pain when he knows that my energy is being pulled from him and us- but perhaps that his what needs to happen to break us both free from something that will never work.
In the end, I stayed in control and did not break my “NO MAN mission”, but I’m pretty sure I was indulging in a “gray area” which, as we all know- there is no gray area with my “NO MAN mission”. I might have to amend my “6 Month NO MAN Mission” contract to say that “NON-Dating” is allowed. “NON-Dating” means hanging out, each paying our own way, and not having any physical contact. I said in the beginning of this whole thing, that if an awesome cutie came along I would not shun him, but he would have to hang around and just be my friend. “Trainer” is doing that, but then again, I could be making justifications. I am good at that.
My name is Tiffany, and I am a man-a-holic.