#RealDeal: 3 different men left me alone at bars this weekend. Here’s what happened when they walked away.
Jesus, I don’t know how I’m standing right now. Last night was UNBELIEVABLY random. I had a date and then at 2 am I was totally arriving home from a strip club.
I’m not even sure how to process it all, but let me just start from the beginning ….
On Friday, in an effort to be more proactive with friendship cultivation, I met up with my buddy Javier to grab happy hour.
Javier and I met two years ago at the premier of Extraordinary Measures. We were both waiting to talk to Harrison Ford actually, so he’s not only one of my favorite people in general, we have a SUPER rad story on how we met.
That was in January 2010, so while we dated super briefly there was NO way I was going to get involved with anyone so he and I just stayed good friends.
Javier had just moved here at the time from Spain where he was fresh off the success of his latest film Tres Dias. Studios had then brought him over to work here in the states and flash forward to two years later, he’s now been tapped to direct The Crow reboot.
How freaking RAD is that??
I love love love this human being more than words can describe. He has this playful sparkle in his eye, and he’s SUPER freaking smart and SUPER freaking creative. Not only did I get to obvi kick it with an old friend but with all of his success I wanted to sit down with him and ask what it all means. I knew no matter what he would keep it real, and I could get some answers.
We then meet up in WeHo and the second he walked in the door I gave him the BIGGEST hug ever.
Congratulations on everything, I said.
Thank you, Jen Free-elle he said as we sat down.
I always laugh at how he says my name.
Spanish and latin men in general make me weak in the knees, but you add in the accent and whooooooieee.
Anywho, we briefly talked about the film and all of the fancy pants things he needs to know about his social presence in relation to the flick. (Click here to follow him on Twitter. He’s big on the instagram as well.)
What does it all mean, I asked candidly?
Now you’re super fancy pants big time director – what is different?
The people around you, he said. You’re not any different but when you’re hot people are all over you … then, nothing. The phone stops ringing and suddenly you’re back to just being you.
And what about dating? How do you balance it with work?
I am only as good as the women in my life, he said. You have to find balance Free-elle.
I know for a fact that I am only as good of a writer as the things that I am inspired by. Dating no longer does it for me – at. all.
I’m terribly bored, and want to switch over strictly to an educational role no longer sourcing my life for content but rather taking these experiences and helping others.
I. am. over. it. I admitted. There’s a life cycle to this kind of work.
He then sat down next to me, putting his arm around me.
You mentally have a boyfriend Free-elle. I can see it in your eyes.
I laughed. Not really, I said. But for the first time in a very long time I know I am ready for one and I’m doing EVERYTHING in my power to lay the foundation for one to manifest.
We chatted for a few hours, but by 7:30 the alarm went off on my phone and I had to jet off to a date.
It’s a comedy show, I admitted. They start PROMPTLY at 8. Do you mind if we finish talking later?
Not a problem, he said giving me yet another big hug.
I then literally RRRAANNNNNNNNN .7 miles in my Nike+ kicks to the improv to meet up with my date getting there with 10 minutes to spare.
Now, again, I am not going to source my dating life for content, buuuuutttt I can say that after the show something really funny happened.
My date left his card at the bar, so he left me for a moment while he went to retrieve it.
I then vaguely overhear two men talking about the difference between Buddhism and Christianity.
Having studied Buddhism now for over a decade (and being raised Catholic) I got SUPPPERRRR excited.
I interject …
Excuse me, are you guys discussing Buddhism?
They both turn and look at me.
Yes, one guy said.
I became enlightened last Tuesday.
I stare back at him.
He’s dead serious.
Wait, you what?!
Yes. I am enlightened now.
He then hands me a card.
I’m a healer, he said.
Now, I have my own shaman, and I’ve come across COUNTLESS healers in my life – this dude, had some SERIOUSLY foul energy.
How can one ever truly be enlightened, I asked? What was the difference between Monday and Tuesday? I’m confused.
He then furrows his brows flashing me a micro-expression in anger.
HA! I pissed him off I thought.
How do you know about this stuff, he asked? Have you ever chanted??
My date then returns.
Can I get your number? he asked in front of my date.
No, I say. I don’t give out my number.
Give me your email, he pressed.
I looked up at my date flashing the “I’m really sorry I got myself into this” eyes and I put my email addy in his phone.
We then leave.
Sorry about that, I say.
I leave you for 15 seconds, he said, and I come back and you’re discussing CHANTING at the bar?
Yep, it happens.
I then went to bed kinda early and woke up Saturday in SWEELLLTTTTTEEEERRRINNNNNGGG heat. I hate hate hate this time of year in LA. It’s close to 100 degrees and I don’t have AC in my place.
I then started to write, and got a call from a friend asking to come to Venice.
You don’t have to twist my arm, I said. I’m DYING over here.
I then cancelled a date I had for that evening (something I NEVER do) and went to talk to my friend and watch some college football.
We kicked it over at the Whaler and when I got there, he had a drink waiting for me.
HELLOOOOO, I say with a big hug.
We then talked about life, love, and caught up on everything that resonates in awesome.
Do you mind if I check the score, he asked?
Not at all, I said.
He then turned around and LITERALLY 5 seconds later one of the guys that worked there approached me.
I just want you to know that you’re really beautiful.
Aw, thank you, I said.
He then lingered until my friend came back asking me a series of questions.
My buddy’s not gone for FIVE SECONDS and already a dude is ready to pounce. Men, are predators, man!!!
I say nothing to him when he returns but as we are leaving my buddy walked in front of me and the guy grabbed my arm.
Bye, he says with a smile.
I graciously smile back, but clearly make it known that I wasn’t interested.
This, btw, is how you can tell the character of a woman. My buddy was OBLIVIOUS to the fact that that interaction happened, and I made SURE of it.
If you leave a woman solo at a bar as a dude, she’s ABSOLUTELY going to get hit on. period end of sentence. That’s a constant. Her reaction to it though is a representation of who she is. Does she rub it in your face? Does she freak out? How composed does she remain?
All of it is very telling.
I then spent the night in Venice and woke up the next morning jazzed and excited to take pictures.
I LOOOVVVEEEE photography.
Here were some of my fav finds …
I freaking LOVE Venice, btw. If I could afford it I’d live there in a HEARTBEAT. There’s something so special about the community. It’s family oriented, but hippie … and posh … but dirty … it’s a culture built on juxtapositions and it makes. my. life.
I then decided to bury myself in the sand and ponder the meaning of life.
I don’t know what all of this means, but I know I need to keep following my bliss and following my inspiration.
This website gave me a voice, but now the voice is changing and I have to adjust accordingly.
I won’t allow myself to be unhappy anymore, I thought, and I won’t allow myself to remain so distant from everyone. Life is about expression and love. I’ve got the expression part down pretty well, but to continue to be inspired I have to follow my bliss and right now it is SHOOOUUTTTTTIIINNNNGGG at me to settle down.
I then stared out at a group of kids playing by the water.
Children are SO FREAKING GREAT, man. I can’t wait to start popping babies out of my belly but to get there, I have to first get in a relationship. One bite of the elephant at a time, I kept thinking.
Either way, I then hit up some dudes on twitter asking if they wanted to kick it, but unfortunately two of them weren’t able to make it out.
Rather than just go home I figured why not still go over to Sidewalk Cafe myself and enjoy their AWESOME Strawberry Lemonade. (For reals, it will absolutely absolutely absolutely make your life.)
I then walk in, and grab a seat at the bar.
The bar at this point was SUPPPEERRR packed. There were a few football games on.
Who are you rooting for, said the guy next to me?
All of them, I say with a smile.
I genuinely just like to stare at shiny things. Games make me happy because there’s always something going on.
Who are you rooting for? I ask
He lowers his hat reading Seahawks.
Are you from Seattle, I ask?
Yeah, he said.
That’s awesome! I went there last year and had SOOO much fun.
We then chatted for a bit and I asked him what he did for a living.
I’m a firefighter, he admitted.
Holy shit, I said. That’s GREAT!!! I never come across firefighters.
How long have you been doing it?
10 years, he said. I was in the military before that.
Wow, I said. Between the military and literally saving lives every day – what do you think it all means?
He stares back at me … blankly.
What do you mean, what does it mean?
Literally. What do you think the meaning of life is?
He then sits back, drunkenly.
Well, ah, I, uh …
LET’S GET A SHOT, he shouted in my ear.
You buying? he asked.
Sure, I said. I’ll buy you a shot but in exchange you have to tell me what you think the meaning of life is.
Deal, he said.
We then take a shot of vodka (NAAASSSTTTYYYY) and as he slams down the shot glass he says, treat others the way you want to be treated.
Fair enough, I said. Thank you.
What do you do, he asked.
(I love BTW that this came up only after I asked him about the meaning of life. Way to just get right in there, Friel.)
I run a website, I said.
What’s it called?
Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover.
He almost spits out his beer.
That’s a great name, he said even more drunkenly.
Thank you, I said.
What do you do on there?
Crashed the Grammys to meet Pete Cashmore, danced on stage with Prince, 103 dates in 9 months blah blah blah.
There’s no way you went out on 103 dates in 9 months, he said.
I show him my twitter bio.
Wow, okay then, he says grabbing my leg.
I stare down.
You’re touching me, I think.
You’ve got great tits, he said.
Uh, thank you, I say.
<tangent> Imagine the loudest and MOST obnoxious guy you have ever seen at the bar. Do you have him pictured? Alrite now times that by 5 and you have HALF of the level that this guy was at. </tangent>
LET’S GET A SHOT, he screamed again.
I’m good for right now, thank you. I haven’t eaten yet, and I don’t want to get silly.
Here, let me get you some food.
BARTENDER, he screams. GET HER WHAT SHE WANTS.
I start laughing, this guy is nuts.
I keep looking up at the screen watching the game as to not show too much interest.
How many of the guys did you sleep with?
There were 103 dates, 11 second dates, 6 guys I slept with, 4 I wanted more from. All 4 were emotionally unavailable so I have now spent the last year working with a modern day shaman exploring my own emotional unavailability.
Wait, you slept with 6 guys?
Out of 103, yes.
I’d like to crunch your numbers, he drunkenly whispered in my ear.
I don’t even know what that means, I snap back.
My food then arrives … chicken nachos.
Where did these come from, he asked?
Uh, you just ordered them, I say.
LET’S GET A SHOT!! he screams in my ear.
Buy me a shot, he demands.
Dude, you’re already pretty toasty. (At this point we had been there for about an hour.) I had a shot, I feel fine, but I can’t keep this up.
What is this food doing here? he asks again
You just ordered it, I reaffirm.
He continues to drink.
I continue to sip my lemonade as I watched the game.
Let’s get out of here, he says after about an hour.
I can’t, I say pointing to the screen. There’s still 6 minutes left.
Yeah, but we WONNNNNNN he screamed. Let’s go watch another game, I’ll buy you dinner.
I smile saying thank you, I have the nachos.
These are my nachos, he said.
I WANT A BOX, he shouts.
I then raise my hands in the air as if I was surrendering.
Dude, all yours, I say.
LETS GO, he screamed.
My favorite 30 Rock quote then zapped through my head, “never go with a hippie to a second location.”
This guy was SHIT-TASTICALLY wasted. Like I genuinely don’t know how he was still standing wasted.
Venice may be a happy hippie little community but even sitting there I felt unsafe. The dude was an uber creeper and very … grabby.
I excuse myself to use the restroom.
I’M GOING TO STARE AT YOUR ASS AS YOU WALK AWAY, he screams.
Is this really happening, I wonder?
I then dodged out the side door and RAAANNNNNNNNNNN down Venice to catch the city bus.
I laughed thinking what an interesting series of bar dynamics I have had this weekend. Men. Are. Nuts!!!
On the bus ride back I popped on OKC to answer some emails. I genuinely haven’t been paying as much attention to it, but I don’t want people thinking I’m a bitch for not replying so I make a concerted effort to stay on top of everything.
I see an email from a guy I had been meaning to meet up with …
We then agreed to meet up in WeHo, and after a SUPPPEERRRR fast shower – I jetted over to meet him.
Hi, I say as I see my date sitting at the bar.
We then grab a seat and start talking.
Immediately I notice how present this guy was – it’s a powerful thing having someone’s undivided attention.
We then go back and forth on life and love. I find out he’s not only Buddhist but also got hit in the head with a brick.
SHUTTHEFRONTDOOR, I screamed. That’s nuts!!
I then look over to my right and see a familiar face.
Living in LA for almost 9 years I see a lot of familiar faces, but this one … this one I knew.
Is she on a reality TV show, I wondered? I can’t BEGIN to tell you how many times I’ve walked up to someone asking where I knew them from and come to find out they were on some MTV show.
My brain continues to scan …
She then sits down next to us.
I have to tell you something, I say with a loud whisper.
See the girl behind us?
Yeah, he said turning around.
Back in 2007 I dated Viper from Full House. (I actually stalked him on Myspace first, but we dated a handful of times.)
I don’t remember who friended whom on Facebook, but either way our digitalness then transferred over and within a few weeks of us no longer dating he actually changed his relationship status to being with this girl.
Obvi, being a creeper, I scoped out her page.
She’s younger than me so we’re not in the same circles, but I laauugghhhhheeeedddddd as she sat down. I don’t think she has ANY idea who I am, but how high-lariously small is this world that that just happened.
We then continued our date over to a super fancy pants dinner, and by 11 he said he wanted to take me somewhere.
Where? I asked.
Have you ever heard of Jumbos? he said.
What’s Jumbos? I said.
YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO JUMBOS? he said super excited.
I’ve literally never even heard of it, I said.
Almost NINE years I’ve lived in LA. I didn’t realize how scary of a place it must be if I genuinely hadn’t heard of it.
We drive over to east Hollywood and arrive at Jumbos. I see girls in stripper shoes standing outside.
Oh. dear. god. I think.
We then go inside, and my date hands me a series of singles.
This is genuinely where things got a little weird.
In the past, I’ve never been mad at strip clubs – fuck I WORKED at one, but again, I’m turning a new leaf. I haven’t even watched porn in god knows how long. I’m ALLLLLL about connection and intimacy right now.
I then sat down by the stage watching the girls dance in their bikinis.
All of the girls technically speaking were CRAZY AMAZING dancers, but there was this tremendous sadness in their eyes. Two of the girls in particular were def on something – but the entire situation made me terribly sad.
This isn’t life. This is more of the shiny things that I know I don’t want.
My date even asked if I wanted to go at one point, but I figured things had gone this far, might as well just ride it out.
A few more dancers came and went, and then it was finally time for us to go.
On the way out though I spotted ANOTHER familiar face.
Holy shit!! Is that so and so?
Yeah, my date said looking up.
Not wanting to blow up his spot I will just leave this video riigghhhtttt here. And should YOU be able to connect the dots that’s all on you.
I’m actually a really big fan, btw. I have a playlist for them on spotify.
I then got dropped off back at the house, and my date ended with just a hug.
I don’t want to do this anymore, I said. I need to date older men. I can’t handle the series of shiny things I’m ready to settle down and I’m ready for more.
Stupid self growth and stupid feelings. How dare me actually want to care about someone??