<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like “a” dating coach … lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called “Game On” and he’s a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No … like for real. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s Jordan Harbinger
Have you ever looked at someone and thought that he/she just looked mean? Or saw a beautiful woman out who looked angry, but after talking to her you realized that she was actually cool? I call that the Jessica Rabbit syndrome. This is about giving everyone a chance and not judging a book by its cover.
Not everyone is clued into the power of a beautiful smile, and some people just have a chronic pissed off looking face.
Jessica Rabbit had an amazing line in the movie, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.” She said, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.” Some people look pissed or bitchy and they just don’t know it. I see a lot of girls out that can look really intimidating. They are all dressed up, possibly shy and are trying their best to allow themselves to get comfortable. They end up looking a bit bitchy.
I know lots of guys who would be turned off by this or are nervous about talking to them. When I go out, no matter what the situation is, I try to keep an open mind. I try to give everyone the opportunity to surprise me. I try to stay curious about people.
It’s human nature to be judgmental. It has protected us and has allowed us to evolve, but in today’s society it actually hurts us. Writing off a venue or certain groups of people ruins your evening without any real evidence.
If I rolled into a venue and judged everyone on the clothes they were wearing or the music that they were listening to, I would be setting myself up to have a bad time. After all, why not try to enjoy myself if I’m already there? Sure I have my preferences of music and types of people I dig. When I’m doing my thing, I go to places that are playing my tunes with cool people I like. When I find myself in a new place, I’m going to feel it out and give everyone a chance.
I often hear the words, “This place sucks” and “These people are lame”. That is not setting yourself up for good time. You can’t write off an entire place because you assumed the worst. My attitude when I go out is to give it a chance. How can I have fun in this moment? I wonder if she really is as bitchy as she looks? Let’s go find out.
You’ll be surprised how your assumptions can be wrong. Challenge your thought process. If I end up talking to someone and they really are an asshole, I’ll leave. I’m not sticking around to speak with them.
The next time you catch yourself writing off a situation without much reason, stop yourself and think of reasons to challenge that thought and go experiment. Create new beliefs about people. You do not want to pass up the opportunity to meet a new awesome person.
Don’t let the Jessica Rabbit Syndrome fool you into not saying hello.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit https://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.