<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jen. She’s a graphic designer by day and a serial monogamist by night that lives across the pond in the UK. She’s currently in a relationship of 8 years, and her dating record prior had been puddle jumps from 3 months here … to 3 months there. These are her thoughts on life, love, and all things nerd. Hit it Jen!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s Jen Randall
Do you ever think to yourself “wow, my friends must think I’m such a ……….”? My inserted word would be ‘bitch’. But the truth is that I’m not a bitch because I may think mean thoughts sometimes, but 9 times out of 10 they never actually make it past the point of being a thought, and it takes a minute to realise that actually people can’t hear my thoughts, so they won’t think that about me.
Well when I was younger (pre-epic relationship) I had a somewhat, how shall I put this, chequered ridiculous fast-paced busy sex-life, and so I’m pretty sure my thought would’ve been “wow, my friends must think I’m such a slut” (I’m not a fan of that word but I think it’s not one we’ll get lost in translation over). This isn’t something many girls will openly admit to, but I don’t actually know how many people I’ve “had relations” (as my granddad would refer to it) with. Whether this is because I’m so old that I can’t remember or the number is so vast it’d take 15.72 years to count* I’ve no idea.
Anyhow, I think I was relatively smart when it came to my friends and dating. Whether they’re your friends or not, people can be very judgmental – even your closest friends may frown upon you for having slept with 2 different girls/guys in 2 weeks, when really as long as you’re happy with that then it should be no-one else’s concern.
Here is how I survived my questionable sex-life (the top 5 anyway):
Rule #1 Don’t Tell Everyone Everything
I learnt early-on that if you don’t want to be judged and you’re happy with your lifestyle just to not tell people what you’ve been up to. I’m pretty sure this behaviour turned me into an introverted extrovert and I’m ok with that. There’s always that rush of excitement when you’ve been with someone new, the excitement that makes you want to shout it from the roof – but I never told the same person too much too frequently. It’s not a case of lying, you’re just being selective.
Rule #2 Group Your Friends for Convenience
I never considered myself anyone’s best friend, though I know other people considered me a best-friend. Had you asked me I might even have described myself as a loner. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of friends….I just preferred them at a safe distance! I kept my friends in groups which made sense to my life at the time. There were the partying friends, the Friday night slumber party friends, the studying friends, the nerdy friends, the sports club friends, the random friends and the friends I didn’t really consider friends. So following Rule #1 each set of friends matched a certain kind of guy / date / sexual encounter i.e. had I kissed some random guy in a club it was the partying friends I’d tell, if there was a guy I really liked / thought I could love he would be presented to the Friday night slumber party girls (PowerPoint was optional), jocks would go to the sports friends and so on. This reinforced Rule #1 as none of these groups of friends ever mixed….thankfully.
Rule #3 Your Friends Aren’t Always Right
Most of us learn the hard way that our friends don’t always have our best interests at heart. I lost count of the number of times I told my friends I liked someone to have them tell me he was no good and for one them to subsequently make a play for the same guy.
Rule #4 Jealous People Don’t Make Good Friends
Rules #4 and #5 go hand in hand. When people say “jealousy’s a bitch” what they really mean is “your friend over there is jealous and she looks like a bitch”…see, the first saying was just a shortened version of what they really meant #truestory! There were a lot of occasions when my friends used to try and turn me off a guy. I can remember one night in particular when I was just chatting to a guy and we were drinking and laughing, you know, like you would with anyone, and one of my friends came over and told me to stop talking to said guy as he wasn’t worth my time. I brushed it off and carried on talking but she wouldn’t leave or let it go. This girl, my friend, stood and looked this guy up and down for at least 10 minutes like he really was a worthless piece of sh*t and made the situation so awkward that I had to leave. And this wasn’t the first time it’d happened either. My friends always claimed it was being “protective”, but looking back I’m sure it was jealousy (in one form or another and not necessarily jealously of me). Everyone likes a bit of attention, just some don’t like it when it’s not directed at them.
Rule #5 Don’t Give Your Friends Reason to Worry
So you have to take a little responsibility for your actions somewhere along the line and an awesome way to do this is by not making other people worry. I was most definitely a good-time party girl (before I got old and boring blahblahblah). I used to hit bars and clubs at least 3 nights a week and obviously there was a fair bit of alcohol to be drunk. Though I drank quite a lot I never drank too much. I would literally have rather died than be one of those girls who drinks too much, can’t stand up straight, makes a fool of herself and goes home with vomit in her hair every night…I’m not saying it never happened at all, just not very often. Though rules #3 and #4 might show friends in a negative light they do (for most) ultimately care about what happens to you (and they’ll also bitch at you if you get wasted, go home with a go but nothing bad happens to you!!! Friends like to gloat #justsaying). Don’t be that girl / guy who gets so drunk that you can’t remember where you live.
*Footnote: The number isn’t so vast it’d take 15.72 years to count – it’s somewhere around 40+ (for sex), just so we’re clear. For anything else the 15.72 years may still count.