So, as you all may know by now (and I only say this btw because my aunt who does not have a computer, nor even a data plan on her phone was asked by one of her friends yesterday if I was okay. Very literally, through however many degrees of separation that was, my aunt who is the least technologically capable person – ever, now knows that I was hurt. Well done social media, well done.) I’ve had staples in my head since the 26th of January.
The experience certainly sucked, but mostly I was just genuinely excited to have a new life experience to talk about. Dudes, I’ve never had a concussion before!! This is going to be radddd!!!
Here’s the lowdown on what I’ve been experiencing, and what it is ACTUALLY like to get a concussion.
1) I never felt whatever hit me – I only felt my brain hit my skull.
I genuinely had no idea I was even hit. Thank GOD it happened where it happened, and those crazy awesome Russian ladies not only helped me but chased the motherfucker down.
My actual skull didn’t really hurt, (even though I did get a gnarly laceration) but my brain throbbed for DAYSSSSSSSS.
When I woke up that Friday after the attack (the day of our live stage show), I woke up with a headache on a scale of 1-10 about a 6. It was constant (thankfully) so I was able to zen myself through it and very literally rise above the physical pain and keep trucking.
Headaches suck man, no doubt about it – and this was one of the worst ones I had ever experienced.
2) My memory has been shit.
I’m doing the dumbest things right now. I already have pretty hardcore ADD and flit around like a butterfly because my brain doesn’t stop moving at a gajillion miles a minute, but this concussion has slowed me down greatly all week. It sucks actually, I feel like I’ve lost about a week’s worth of work – but I’ve been moving with it as much as I physically can. I’m catching myself doing a lot of dumb shit though – like leaving my keys in the doorway or reaching the end of a sentence and forgetting about what I have just said. I’ve had to take a lot of notes all week and leave little reminders for myself so I can stay on track. Not fun.
3) I’ve been sleeping 2 extra hours a night plus I need to nap.
I have been going into HARDCORE REM sleep. This is the deepest I have ever slept in my entire life, and every morning it is PHYSICALLY a pain in the ASS to get out of bed. I feel like I can’t get enough sleep even though I am in fact sleeping 2 hours more each night now.
4) Mood swings
About 48 hours after the attack I was a hot mess. I got through the first 24 hours by focusing on the stage show and making sure we just got that the fuck done, but after that – I couldn’t stop crying over the fact that I ACTUALLY had staples in my head, and that all of this ACTUALLY happened. That continued throughout the weekend and even up until about Tuesday of this week. I just wasn’t my self. Super moody, doom and gloom, INCREDIBLY depressed. I kept my schedule as full as possible as to not fall into any depression traps, but it was hard. I felt like I was back to pre this site and my pre state of “I fucking hate life.” It was weird and a gnarly reminder of a place I never want to be again.
5) Under no circumstances should you ever try to remove your own staples.
So, I have no insurance. I qualify for government funding to help cover my bills from having to go to Cedars, but I still have freaking staples in my head … staples that need to be removed.
The other night, I tweeted out wondering if anyone else had ever had actual staples in their head and if they tried to remove them themselves.
Sure, from a theoretical perspective this sounds like a HORRIBLE idea, but I wasn’t sure how the staples were pronged and if they were easy to take out, or really freaking in there.
Newsflash – staples are REALLY FREAKING IN THERE!!
My twitter feed was about 50/50 split on whether to do it or not – so I finally just grew a pair of balls and said I could do this.
I then went into the bathroom, took a pair of tweezers and tried loosening one of the staples.
The SECOND I touched the staple I could feel how my skin had grown around it (obviously a sign of healing) – and I screamed like a motherfucking banshee.
I have a crazy high threshold for pain, and that was the single most painful thing I have ever experienced in life. Under NO set of circumstances should anyone ever try to remove staples from your head. It sounds like a bad idea because it IS A FREAKING BAD IDEA!!! Don’t do it. Ever.
I’d say as of today, 9 days after the attack – I’m feeling damn good. I’m back to being able to walk around alone again (thank you exposure therapy) and where it goes from here, who knows.
I’m EXTREMELY grateful though for social media for not only the ENORMOUS outpouring of love (thank you all so so so much again), but it helped me not only stay conscious moments after the attack and while I was in the hospital, but I was able to even make this video only hours after the attack and able to check if I was slurring my speech or repeating myself.
It’s insane, but it helped a super duper lot.
It’s been a really rough week for me, but as always, I got through it. Have a lot of work to catch up on this weekend and into next week – but it’ll get done! =)
Concussions certainly aren’t fun, but getting to document a new experience is always pretty copasetic. And not that I hope ANY of you ever get a concussion, but here’s what I experienced with it all.
Re: the attacker – I don’t want to say too much about him, but he is being held on a 1.075 million dollar bail, and he is being charged with battery and violation of a felony probation. I have to be careful what I post about him since I don’t want to put myself in further jeopardy, but we shall see. I’ll also be documenting the criminal process and my experience with it all. Stay tuned!!! =)