<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Christina. She’s a SUPER RAD chica that I actually met on Facebook through a chickadee that I went to high school with. (How awesome is this world we live in!!) The chickadee from high school was all, omg you totes need to meet Christina – you guys are so much alike. I said rad! Where she be? And just like that, an email was sent, and now I have a new bestie! YAY LIFE! She lives and plays in the bay area (working for a super fab online company), but is going to be discussing with you each week her life and love of all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say – HIT IT CHRISTINA!! </editorsnote>
what makes me nerdy? ha. seriously? i mean if i was a celeb and could make a trillion dollars off of my perfume line, it would smell like straight up nerdfumes. i emanate nerd from my pores and every fiber of my being. picture that friend with the dad who has the most awful cheesy sense of humor, and you laugh just to be polite. my jokes are a thousand times worse but i think i’m hysteeeerical. im a hardcore loser who someeeehow made a shit ton of friends. and i don’t mean just my imaginary ones, but real actual life people who want to hang out with me friends. i credit my late blooming awesome natural knockers and chat rooms. it took me a loooong time to figure that social shit out though. headgear and scratch and sniff tees were NOT any help. AIM basically saved (er, who am i kidding… created…) my social life. i’m a total instant messaging whoooore. like, a dirty dirty slut. if gchats could have stds, i would have been solely responsible for infecting three quarters of new york city, boston, and san francisco. i’m pretty sure if instant messaging pop ups were bullets i could fight an entire war on my own on any given day. pow! pow! pow! take that motha fuckaaaasss!!! i remember EXACTLY where i was the first time i entered an AOL chat room at 12, and i remember EXACTLY how it felt. my heart was pounding, my flesh was perspiring, my eyes were bugged out, and i could barely sit down. dial-up could not dial the fuck up fast enough. the next time i would feel that way i would be watching christian bale in “newsies” and feel a tingly sensation that made me absolutely positive i loved men. but i digress. so here i was in my first chat room, getting my first high from being connected to a bunch of total strangers who wanted to talk through the written word in real time. i was HOOKEDDDD.
in 8th grade my favorite course was typing class; i OWNED that shit. i’m quite positive i still hold the record for perfectly typed sentences in the least amount of time. i played that keyboard like mozart stroked the piano. booya!
in 8th grade part duex (no seriously. i did 8th grade twice. best. thing. ever. here lies a fun tale that involves my overprotective insightful parents, my too-brilliant-for-catholic school-curriculum nerdy self who could get straight As by sneezing, my cringeworthy naive social awkwardness, the reality that i wasn’t even close to hitting puberty, and the impending social terrors of highschool ). so ok, 8th grade part duex i created a crazy popular chat room that introduced 5 boroughs to each other before we all went to the huuumungo regional high school the next year. i can still probably recall everyone’s screen names to this day. it was like, THE thing to do on friday nights in our lameo small towns. and all i had to do was go to my friend’s house for a sleepover and stare at the computer screen for hours on end charming the fingernails off central massachussetts.
i would pay serious serious money if i could get a mega-transcript back of all of the instant messages i’ve sent into cyberspace throughout the years. my LIFEEEE is in those freaking boxes attached to screen names that would make my parents cringe. sneekyangel. rideMcowgal. yep those happened. and then helloooo gmail. i would give gchat the biggest gsmooch on the lips for saving my relationships with friends and boyfriends and keeping me in the loop with every single person i cared about in the real world when i was thousands of miles away. i give my soul into chats and keep each conversation totally unique with my undivided attention. i split myself into a bagillion pieces of love and storytelling and pourrrr it into the confines of times new roman font.
love and instantmessaging,