<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Valerie. We met through this site, and she’s a raddddddd mofo! For reals – she’s been in need of a creative oulet and asked if she could write for us discussing all things life and love as told through the eyes of a very nerdy lesbian. I was all, oh.em.gee! totes mcgotes awesome sauce! So, now we’re here, and I only have one more thing left to say – HIT IT VALERIE!!! </editorsnote>
Hi, I’m Valerie. I’m a lesbian nerd. How do I know I’m a lesbian? Well I’m obssessed with flannel, tools, and Rosie O’Donnell. Okay, I’m only obsessed with one of those three things. But for real, I know I’m a lesbian because I kissed a girl and I liked it – like in an earth shattering sort of way – the heavens parted and Melissa Etheridge started to play. How do I know I’m a nerd? I rock glasses, carry an inhaler, and geek out on Scrabble and Trivia.
The funny thing about being a nerd lately is that I have decided to embrace it. I will sit at the bar and answer your legal questions (yeah, I’m a lawyer), make witty comments about pop culture (would rather do this than answer your legal questions), and openly announce how I successfully sat out of every gym class in middle school (inhaler, remember?). And for the first time in my life, people are starting to describe it as swag. Lesbian nerd swag. Somehow other lesbians are finding it both endearing and attractive? WHAT?! And these girls are not lesbian nerds. They’re actually quite the opposite. In the gay high school of my city, they’re popular. They listen to cool music, dress like they don’t try and look hot, and basically do whatever the fuck they want with their time. They rage on school nights.
This summer, one of these girls expressed interest in me. Let’s call her KC. When my friend told me this about KC, I literally laughed. KC the hippie who listens to dub step, works at a smokeshop, studies art… is interested in me? Not to mention KC’s best friend and roommate was my student. I was her teacher. The next time I was out at the bar I was on a horrible cleanse and therefore substance-free, she grabbed my face and drunkenly slurred “you better leave before I do things to you.” I was wearing my work sweater, glasses, and day old make-up. This chick is insane.
After I retired the weeks of sober, I hit the sauce once again and got the liquid courage to invite KC, through her friend, to the bar. And at 1am, she came on down. For the first time in my life I made the move, saying at bar closing time “well, do you wanna, like, hang out?” And off we went to my apartment for some more of my effortless game.
When we got to my couch, I thought it would be a good idea to put something on TV. What did we chose? Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest. Maybe this chick wasn’t so cool after all. We made out to the sounds of a cartoon fairy fighting pollution.
I woke up the next morning around 8am, because you know, being a nerd that’s normal even for Saturdays. I surely had meetings, or writing, or work to do but KC kept me in bed. We talked for hours that morning. Hours. The next time I looked at the time it was noon. I laid next to her, KC the cool girl, and learned all about the things she knows a lot about – drugs (that whole smokeshop thing) – and then talked about the deeper shit, like what is the soul?
By 1pm, I got up to go to the bathroom and she figured she should head home and get ready for work. I sat in my living room talking with her for a little while longer as she went to leave. It was just a constant flowing conversation like nothing was up, but we didn’t have each other’s numbers nor were we planning to hang out again. Finally, she opened the door and said “yeah, I’ll read your blog and I’ll follow you on twitter.” And out she walked.
I sat there for a minute, alone, and thought – holy shit I just had a one-night stand end with “I’ll follow you on twitter.”