I got the following email this morning, and wanted to share …
There’s a lot happening with this post so let me break it down step by step.
First of all, hi Sally ::waves::
Thanks for reading and thanks for reaching out.
Secondly, while yes, I have had slaves before, I am by no means a professional.
Okay, full disclosure over.
Let’s cut to the chase …
You’re 21 years old and already exploring fetishes (accidentally or otherwise), good for you!
Step one in exploring any sort of fetish is to decide what you are comfortable with. It’s not easy in the beginning (because how do you know what you want/like if you haven’t experienced it), but I promise you, this will get easier.
I’m not a label person, but I consider myself a “try-sexual;” I will try anything sexually once to see if I like it. For me this experience wasn’t sexual, it was mental (which indirectly is sexual, but they never saw that).
Each slave that I had had very specific and different fetishes (all under the umbrella of being a foot fetish). I have had 8 in total over the years (with one that I met with but did not accept).
Here is my first experience with a slave.
Here is a slave who was into Financial Domination.
Here is a slave that I took to a fetish club. (Which in hindsight I was DEFINITELY not ready for).
Here is a slave that wanted me to murder him. This is the one that I did not accept (because obvi).
But before I accepted a single slave, I sought the advice and help of a friend who is what they call a “switch” (meaning both a sub/ and a Domme).
He and I had been friends for years so I felt comfortable learning from him. You can read about that experience here.
Since your boyfriend is into trampling (that’s what that means when he wants you to walk all over him), I’d highly suggest you do the same (if you are comfortable doing that in the first place).
When I did it for the first time, I went for it.
So much so that the “switch” recommended that if I had a slave who was into trampling that I explain to them that I’m “sadistic.” I applied so much pressure out the gate that he enjoyed it – but to others it might have gone too far.
Not literally because that’s a different fetish …
That’s the part about this world that I love so much – there’s no “wondering” where things will go. I as the Domme very clearly stated my rules beforehand to each of the slaves. If I liked you after our first meeting, I liked you, but I wasn’t your girlfriend and I couldn’t be bought. (My tributes were wine or shoes.)
Here’s a post on what happens when a girlfriend did find out and actually messaged me.
My loyalty in that situation was to the slave. It was his choice what he wanted to reveal to her and I had to respect that.
In terms of “commanding” him, it’s all mental. I started a “trello board of torture” for my last Fin Domme slave. Owning a slave is the equivalent of having a part time job, and as someone who already has multiple part time jobs – I couldn’t lose out on staying one step ahead of him mentally.
This is called “topping from the bottom” and that happened to me once too.
For that slave, I’d write out all of the things I’d want him to do and cut and paste them him whenever I felt he needed to be controlled. Click here for the examples. By being able to rapid fire off requests at the drop of a hat, I was able to command him more effectively.
In terms of how you “command” that’s up to you. For me, it was faking it until I made it. I couldn’t believe it when I said the words “little pig” out loud for the first time, but over the years it gave me a lot of confidence that eventually seeped into my every day life.
I’d suggest your next step with your beau is to have a meeting to discuss it. Set up a time where you discuss exactly what you’re both wanting and or willing to explore (which can change) and establish a “safe word” to prevent the exploration from going “too far.”
(It helps to have this conversation in an intimate but not sexual setting.)
In the meantime, if he is truly into exploring trampling or any other physical activity, I’d suggest reaching out to a Domme on FetLife. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable exerting any sort of pain to someone had it not been for that experience, but everyone is different.
Congrats on being brave enough as a couple to explore this world, and I’d love to be kept up to date on your experiences! They’re certainly never boring … unless you’re actually bored of him, and trust me, there’s plenty more where he came from.