<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like “a” dating coach … lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called “Game On” and he’s a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No … like for real. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s Jordan Harbinger
Many guys will get into social dynamics to acquire what they think will be validation for themselves (higher numbers). The truth of the matter is that if you have done the work properly to become a highly charismatic guy, then you probably don’t have much time for the droves of girls you want to hang out with.
I’m not saying you can’t have many girlfriends, I’m saying, let’s be realistic with ourselves and our development.
Those of you with experience with girls know that even one can be more than a handful. There is a lot of management that comes with keeping a lover happy. More girlfriends means more time and energy to manage the relationships. Sure, girls want to fool around too, but they can only stick around for so long. Most women want to be in relationships that are growing and going somewhere.
If you set boundaries and are active in your passions, your time is steadily dwindling. As we all know time is our most important asset. It is always fleeting with no chance to make more of it. If you are already in full swing with a full-time job, at least 40hrs of your week are already eaten up. Let’s throw in a few hours a week at the gym and a few more for hobbies and sleep. So, how are you going to take care of these hordes of women you want to have in your life?
Unless you are making money while you sleep, it’s going to be hard maintaining a good balance to keep yourself happy. Think about it. More girlfriends mean more birthdays, disagreements and drama. What happens when the holidays roll around? Valentine’s Day will probably be the most stressful day of the year for you.
Relationship management is not an easy task. It takes work and patience to be able to meet others’ needs for them to feel comfortable in the relationship. If women are not being met with the requirements they need, they will leave and look for those things elsewhere. You may be able to keep her around for a couple of months, but unless she has the lowest self-esteem, in the end she will leave.
The best thing for you to understand is how honesty plays a role in keeping everyone happy without trying to live into expectations you have set up for people. At least with honesty you can allow people to know exactly where you stand and they can make the choice about whether they want to be a part of your life or not.
The point I’m trying to make here is that rather than chase women around, try working on you. Watch how things change from, “Why isn’t this girl answering my texts?” to “Why is this chick blowing up my phone?”
Your priorities should look something like this.
- Work / Career
- Hobbies / Passions
- Socializing / Women
When you do this successfully you will wonder when you will have time to hang out with the girls you are interested in. You’ll come off as aloof and hard to get. Let’s work on becoming the man we truly want to be and women will be knocking down our door to get to us.
When you clear your life to make time for women any time they present themselves, you’ll find yourself chasing them rather than having them chasing you.
The same goes for women who think that they need a boyfriend to feel good about themselves. In the end, if you are happy, you’ll be attractive to others. They will want to pull from your energy and strength.
The secure will always draw people in while the insecure will always push people away. Remember that the next time you would rather go out “gaming“ for the 6th time this week than hanging with your best buddy at a concert you really wanted to attend.
Get your skills up and then switch gears to get a fantastic life.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit https://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.