#NerdsUnite: Finding Strength and Self-Worth

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He’s not just saying “this is how to get the girl” he’s here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say … HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s @Redolpho

When I wrote my fuck you piece I wasn’t sure what was going to come from it. Then at the end I realized so many truths about myself. I realized how far I still had to go and how many things I repress. I sometimes delude myself into thinking everybody experiences life the same way as me but I’m discovering more and more everyday how unique we all are. I’m realizing that my path is entirely my own and that owning it and living my own truth takes strength and that real growth comes with a fair amount of discomfort.

I know that I seek validation and I seek it a lot. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I’m asking for advice but really I’m looking for people to validate my decisions. Having understood that more, I feel I made some big steps this week. One of those was super hard.

Six months ago I started my first business. I have been fortunate enough to partner with a brilliant serial entrepreneur who has a number of substantial successes under her belt. Like most of the brilliant people I’ve known in my life her intelligence comes with quirks. Our relationship had reached a breaking point. There were many times where I repressed how I really felt and was left to dwell in my discontent internally. This frustration mounted and I had started on a predictable path. I slowly pulled away, I stopped working as hard and started venting my frustration in other ways. I would snap at her or I would take extra time getting ready in the morning to intentionally arrive late, because I wanted her to feel the irritation that I felt. And although the way I dealt with my feelings was childish, the reasons I was unhappy were perfectly legit. So I wrote a letter to my partner and said everything I was feeling.

There is no doubt that being an entrepreneur forces you to be a stronger person. It pokes at your weaknesses until it punctures you and you either mend yourself and become stronger, or flee. My weakness was that I didn’t stand up for myself enough and it came from a lack of self-worth. I almost ran. In my letter to my partner I said I was willing to run, and after thinking about it more I realized that I had to fix some things about myself first. It wasn’t time to run yet. During our meeting that followed the tears welled in my eyes as I did what I rarely do, I stood up for my values and put myself first. I know that true growth will come with consistency and I think I’m ready to grow into someone who doesn’t place their values at the wayside of others, but rather someone who holds strong in their priorities and through that strength is able to find synergy with the world.

In another big step, I yolo’d hard this week. When I started working at a hostel in Venice I thought the job would be a dream but unfortunately I was mistaken. This place exploits its employees and the owner is a dick. There are upsides like being right on the beach in Venice and the staff, but I rarely get to hang with the guests because I’m always working fucked up graveyard shifts that jack my sleep schedule and leave me constantly exhausted. It’s also frustrating when the girl I was making serious headway with goes to bed with another guy because I wasn’t able to hang and close the deal. It’s happened more times than I can count.

So I’ve been passively looking for other opportunities and then at 2am during another graveyard shift the beautiful twitterverse provided some love. If you’ve read Jen’s piece “I just checked into an orgy on Foursquare” then you may know who Dr. Suzy is. She’s a Yale doctorate and sex therapist that’s appeared on HBO’s Real Sex series and a number of other reputable media outlets. She was looking for a live-in editorial assistant. This job would entail me living in her 14,000 sq ft loft and writing content for a number of different channels. But the fun part is that every Saturday she has a live show that talks about everything from squirting to transgenderism. I would be at the show taking notes and prepping content for her and getting to enjoy the wild after parties that ensue.

As part of my growth I knew I needed to react on the guttural elation that struck me when I read the ad. So that night I wrote an extensive letter selling myself as the perfect fit that I knew I was. I trusted myself and went for it which was a big step for me.

I was excited to hear back the next evening that they wanted to interview me. I arrived the next night to her downtown speakeasy, as she calls it, and was greeted by a pretty little blond in her thong and push up bra. She escorted me to the bar and asked me to wait. As I sat there I looked around at the penises in every medium imaginable that lined the loft, there was a blow up pool in the middle of a living room area, a Sybian, and an 8 foot cross equipped with leather shackles. My excitement grew. I made it through the preliminary interview and headed for Dr. Suzy’s office. I sat and she explained how private this place actually was and that six nights out of the week there was practically no one there except the staff. She continued to explain how special Saturday was to them and then nonchalantly stated that every once in a while they have an orgy. My excitement grew again. I left the interview feeling pretty confident that I’d make it to the next round and I did. The best part was that the Yalie picked me because of my writing. This compliment was a little surreal.

I arrived back at the speakeasy Saturday to take notes during their Domination Nation episode of the Dr. Suzy Show. Three professionals from The Dominion showed up-one domme, one submissive, one switch-as well as a porn star couple. The show proceeded and I watched as the sub was spanked and caned to her fulfillment. Her ass was tomato red by the time she was dragged to the cross by her collar and the shackles were placed around her wrists and ankles. The pornstar couple took the stage and received a lesson in spanking that ended in them exchanging oral sex. All this happened while the submissive squealed in happiness as she was flogged and slapped on the cross. It was unfortunate that I had to leave back to Venice to finish a shift at the hostel. I’m still awaiting confirmation that I got the job, but I’m optimistic.