<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She’s a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren’t we all??? She’s here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say … HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>
Monday night, 9:48 pm and here I am: Pajamas on, blanket wrapped around me, staring at my bright screen, and listening to my roommates chat in the kitchen. Tonight we had plans to go see an outdoor screening of ET in Pasadena. A friend I never make enough time for and I made these plans over a month ago, only to realize an hour before show time that the website we’d been looking at was from a year ago. So, there went my plans and our group quickly dissipated. The new couple drove off; soaking in the last few hours of sun, getting to know each other in the way you only can with butterflies in your tummy. The others ran errands, met up with friends.
But what did I do you ask? I pulled out my laptop and chatted with one of my best friends who is about to embark on the greatest adventure of her life, who is growing up to be the woman she wants to be. Then my phone rang, another best friend (the sister of the adventurer) who reached a big milestone in her career tonight. At this moment, I cried and I can’t exactly explain why. My emotions have been running at an all-time high and I haven’t necessarily stopped to process them. But what I realized was – I hadn’t taken time to talk to those two people, two of my favorites on this planet, in an absurdly long amount of time.
If you asked me one year ago how I would have felt to be home alone on a Monday night, I would have been pissed. Chelsea one year ago wanted nothing more than plans, and frequent ones at that. She was so tired of sitting at home, reading, lurking, and chatting with friends back home. All she wanted was to be dating and busy and have friends and things to do. Fast forward to Chelsea today and ask her how she felt about today’s lazy, lonely Monday? Relieved.
My life is picking up. I find myself with plans more often that I find myself without. I realize that what you put into the universe eventually will make its way back around. So, by being more confident and more open about myself, I find that people want to spend time with me. Hanging out with the TNTML crew has been awesome. Seriously, such a wonderful group of people who are just accepting and always down for a good time. I’ve also been going out, finding things to do, and making it happen. No more sitting around waiting for shit to come to me.
But what’s weird is I now find that I’m not giving myself enough time to process. As an extrovert, I definitely get my energy from others. I’ve always been one to spend nearly all my free time with my best friends, with the people who know everything about me. But what I’m realizing is that after 6 months of being a forced introvert (Ugh, I’m so dramatic, I had things to do and I had friends. I just spent more time at home than I did before) I’ve learned I need more time to process my experiences — alone.
So here I am asking myself, why? Is there a reason I continue to overbook myself, even when I know I need a few hours to write words that nobody gets to read? Is there a reason I say yes to dates I know I will go on and wish the whole time I was home cleaning my room? Well, the answer I’ve come up with is that I don’t want to say no to people for free it means they won’t ask me again. It’s not an insecurity thing, I don’t think. It’s more of the kind of thing where I am actively trying to make friendships and have made the decision to push myself out of my comfort zone – so I say yes to almost everything. I try to fill my days and nights for fear of falling in my rut again. But another reason why? Because I’m having fun. This weekend I gave up ALL of my alone time. (And if I’ve learned anything in the last year, it’s that I truly enjoy having some alone time. So to give it up to someone means quite a bit but that’s another story for another time.)
All of that being said, I don’t think I should slow down. I function best when I’m busy… At work, when I have crazy deadlines and intense to-do lists I need to blow through, my quality of work increases drastically. I’m a multi-tasker through and through. Adding events to my calendar and keeping track of my life that way brings me more joy than I should admit. What can I say? I’m a nerd. But I do think what I’ve learned from my Monday is that the best part of being so busy is that I’m never sad when I’m left alone with nothing to do. Instead I’m thankful! If you’re bored it’s because you’re choosing to let yourself be that way and there’s nothing wrong with that. Yes, I need to take some time to process and make more time for writing, as I talked about last week. But am I going to give up my 2 am’s for a few extra hours of sleep? Or risk the chance of meeting someone amazing for the chance to catch up on a TV show? Not any time soon! Life is meant for living.