Took this in when TNTML hit a record amount of uniques. Was so fucking rad!
So, yeah – that’s my life. These are things that all mean something to me, and represent who I am at my core. You can tell a LOT about who I am based on these pictures alone. I looked for the same in guys. I don’t care if you have a commercially attractive default, a guy that shows a sense of adventure and has a bit of a playful side will win HANDDDSSSS down every time!
Tangent: I personally tried to stay away from guys that had dogs (as I travel so much, and was looking for a partner in crime in that regard), but hey, I wasn’t mad at dudes with ’em either. Love me some animals; I kept that limitation in mind without it being a disqualifier.
After I looked through the users pictures, I would move to the profile. Like your pictures (it’s not how attractive you may appear to be in them, it’s the pictures you choose to say yes, this is how I represent myself to the world), it’s not necessarily what someone says in a profile, but how they say it.
I am a deeply deeply sarcastic human being, and I very rarely take myself seriously; that bleeds from my profile.
“I enjoy talking like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire when he picks up the phone and does the horrible Indian-like voice of “I … am … job.” If you ever call me and answer the phone like that, I might have to have your baby.”
I don’t say hey, I’m fun and I’m adventurous … no, you can tell that I’m fun based on the weird shit that I write, and you can tell that I’m adventurous clearly because I went skydiving. Anyone that blatantly put, I’m fun immediately got the ax. If you’re not witty or sharp enough to actually find something funny to put in your damn profile we are not at all going to get along. Like period. End of sentence.
That narrowed the results down even more.
I wasn’t interested in having dinner with everyone (dinner takes too long. I’m very efficient and very ADD – if I’m not feeling it, I will leave.), so I agreed to grab a beer with willing participants. Again though, I put a disclaimer on my profile indicating that I was in fact conducting a social experiment, and if they had a problem with potentially being written about, I was not the person they wanted to date. Bottom line, the dudes knew what they were getting into, and were pretty cool about it.
All of the dates were a total blast. There were less than 5 that I can honestly say I didn’t enjoy, and only 2 that I actually wanted to walk out from. The OKC algorithm is AMMAAZIINNNGGG at matching people, but chemistry is intangible. I was curious to find the organic root of attraction. What are the butterflies we say we feel when we meet that special someone? If I no longer believe in this notion of there being a “one” or a “soul mate,” – what is the “it” then? And how can I solve for it?
It took me 96 dates to find out that the “it” was me. Life is reflective. What I was attracted to in dudes was something that resonated deeply in myself – I am emotionally unavailable.
Out of 96 dates, I had found that there were only 4 that I wanted to pursue something more with (there were 10 second dates … but 6 of ’em got the ax). Of those 4, the only common denominator in each of them was that they were all emotionally unavailable. They had all recently come out of something with someone, were in a time of transition – just were not 100% able to give themselves to someone. (See this post for the breakdown)
FUUCCCKKK me in the goat ass, again.
Having that as my constant, and not fully aware of what my next doable action was – I decided to face said emotional unavailability within myself with the understanding of life’s reflectiveness, that something would change. I then wrote the epic saga, This is a story about #love, but this is not a love story.It addressed how I had my heart broken, and how that was the catalyst for starting this site – etc. It’s a really fucked up story to be honest, and definitely a lot to read … but peeps dug it, and for that I am grateful. Felt great to release.
While I was writing those posts, I had a few more dates. 99, and 100 were weird. 99 was pretty rad. Really really really cool dude, but his timing was horrible. Also too, he’s latin. Latin men are very protective, seductive, and like to be close to females. I do. not. like. to. be. touched. Don’t touch me unless I touch you. Period end of sentence. So, his timing was horrible for taking me out on a date during that series of posts, and the fact that he can’t help but organically be a very expressive lover meant we totally weren’t a match. Anyway … it wasn’t until I hit 101 that I truly had an amazing date. Really really really nice boy. Is into psychology, reading body language – kinda freaked me out actually. I wondered how much he had read up about me, but then I very genuinely read on his face that he didn’t know much.
Oh yeah, I have tests I give dudes throughout the night to spot the fame seekers. I can tell if a dude knows a lot about me and what I do based on a series of questions I would ask them throughout the night. It was dependent upon whatever was posted on the site at that time, but I would repeat myself often and wait for them to cut me off saying they had read it. If they didn’t and pretended like it was the first time they heard it, I would be able to tell they were lying based on certain facial reactions they had. That part I got – I am DAMMNN good at spotting that shit.
Had 3 amazing nights with 101 (one night he just stopped by to say hi and dropped me off at a coffee shop), but alas after our second date – dinner, he got weird and sent me a text saying that he couldn’t believe he just boned an internet celebrity. Yep, we totally got it on after dinner in an alley in Venice (dude, I’m such a classy broad) – and when he got home he texted that to me. I was like NOOOOOOOO!!!! Way to ruin it. That’s a total dealbreaker for me.
I’m a lifecaster. My job is to live life and report back what I am experiencing in the form of stories told as close to being in real time as possible. If some guy is going to be a part of my equation and be conscious of me writing about it, etc – it’s not honest or organic; I very genuinely want someone who isn’t phased by it. I even tell dudes, don’t read the site while we are going out on dates because I’m going to be able to read on your face that you are reading it, and when I say something to you and you’ve already read it – I’m going to know that you’ve read it based on your reaction and then I’m going to have to pretend that I don’t know that I know that you know, and it’s going to get weird. (HAHA did any of that make sense? OMG my head hurts – but I hope you catch my drift)
He hasn’t stopped emailing me. Bless the dudes heart, but not gonna happen. Whether it’s a joke or not, I don’t care. Disqualifier. NEXT!
I can honestly say there were less than 10 that I knew of that were fame seekers. I filtered them out pretty quickly. There were only a handful that straight up petitioned to go out on a date with me, and one of them I wound up living with for 2 months in a completely platonic way. He’s literally family to me now, and we were off the charts on Match and Friend. OKC really really really knows their shit.
I was a bit taken a back by how many people were genuinely intrigued by what I was doing. No, like literally – it was not my intention to get buzz from this thing, just post honest reactions – and occasionally have a post or two chiming in from our dating coach, The Art of Charm’s Jordan Harbinger, on what guys can do about these problems that I am addressing.
Like for example, one dude I dated totally friended one of my best friends on Facebook without ever meeting him. COMPLETELY creeped me out … and is a HUGE faux pas. Here’s what Jordan had to say about it:
