#HowTo: Find out the identity of a fake internet boyfriend/ girlfriend

Every.single.day.now. I wake up to an email, comment, or tweet about someone telling me their version of a “catfish” story. (read mine here)

Having a fake internet boyfriend/ girlfriend is an extremely, extremely shameful experience. We all think we are too smart to have something like that happen to us, but you have to remember, these people are EXPERTS at pulling at the heartstrings.

Particularly, when they attack you for questioning them when they can’t meet you for “whatever dramatic reason.” 

My guy (who was actually a girl) told me I was heartless for not feeling empathy when his dad died. 

Here’s an exerpt from his blog on Myspace that he posted when I wrote out our story on this site:

I have not had any contact with you for a year, even though you presumably constantly stalked me here. I’ve looked the other way when you talked shit about me to one person, because frankly I don’t care to get back in contact with you. Especially after you told me to “Get Over It” when I wouldn’t give you my full attention due to my dad being in the hospital at the time. To which you then denied ever saying and conveniently responded you “blacked it out” when I confronted you about it.

It sucks. 

Nothing about this life experience is pleasurable or something anyone should ever strive to have. The problem is knowing where to go and what to do after you’ve experienced something like this. What are your options? 

Well, first take as much info as you have on the person and head to the google!!! 

In my case, I had his myspace handle No1Uknow00. 

If you put that into a quick google search this is what pops up … 

The top hit is a photobucket account. 

From there, I clicked on the photos and as you scroll down you can see one of the photos has the title “me.” 

I then went through the album and saw the other photos of this person and one of the titles had this … 

The name Sarah. 

That was all I needed to know that no1uknow00 (which is not a common handle) was connected to this person who is not a guy named Dare, but rather a woman by the name of Sarah. 

My story happened years ago, and by the time I had written about it (after being contacted by another victim on Facebook) I was absolutely and utterly over this person. 

I knew Dare at that point was a phony and while I hadn’t connected the dots in the search quite yet, I had let all of it go and moved on with my life. 

I’ve never spoken to Sarah, nor do I know her last name. (In writing this post though I did conduct a reverse google image search to see if anything came up, and nothing did.) 

Who knows if it really is “Sarah” or if this is some inception-type Catfishing with a story inside a story. 

All of that karma belongs to “Sarah” and not me. My next doable actions in this scenario were to identify what in me attracted this into my life. 

This was pre my ah-ha moment of emotional unavailability courtesy of the 103 dates in 9 months, btw.

My suggestion to anyone looking to find out more info on their Catfish is to work with what info you have. This is obviously a case by case basis, but let’s say you met them in a chat or forum, why not google the handle and see what info comes up on other sites? 

In my case, his fake name also had an address linked to it. In my frustration I drove to AZ once to see him, but felt showing up at someone’s apartment was a bit “next level.” 

I don’t suggest showing up at someone’s door since it could put you in harms way (maybe your catfish is a Dexter type), but that’s your call. 

At the end of the day though, again, you have to understand that there is no “winning” in this type of scenario. Even if you find them, and track them down the answers aren’t really going to solve anything. (Although it does make for good TV on the Catfish TV show.) In most cases this experience isn’t even personal. These people talk to 15-20 other people at a time and show very little remorse for their actions. 

The best course of action is to employ a lot of self love, and lick your wounds darling. No answers will ever solve the pain and it can actually impede in your emotional growth and healing process. 

My suggestion, food for thought. Oh look a kitty!!! 

#NerdsUnite

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