Talk Nerdy To Me’s @StaffWriter:
When it’s time to end your relationship, it’s good to have a plan. It can be difficult to end a relationship, but if you follow some simple steps, you will make it through your breakup with the least amount of pain and drama.
End the Relationship for YOU
First, make sure you are ending the relationship for YOU. If your partner is not into monogamy or has been abusive in any way, then it may not be best for YOU to end things on good terms. Do what feels right for you and always put yourself first (especially when ending relationships).
Don’t feel pressured to end a relationship from outside sources, like friends or family.
Choose Your Medium
Next, decide how you’re going to end things: by phone or in-person? Most of the time, it’s probably best to do it in person. This gives the other person the opportunity to ask questions and hopefully have a chance to salvage the relationship or build something new if they want it.
If you choose a phone, make sure you know what you are going to say before you call.
Prepare yourself for any questions they may have so that way your emotions don’t get in the way of things. Be honest with how you feel but remember not to be mean or rude when breaking up with someone on the phone. This can lead to greater heartache later during a breakup, especially if there is no closure for one partner because of text-bashing, etc.
For short or new relationships, closing the loop on a relationship by phone may make sense.
For longer relationships, in-person breakups are usually recommended. In-person conversations show more respect to the other person and the time invested in the relationship.
Ending things in person can be difficult, but it’s much easier than doing the long-distance thing if you live apart from each other. If that is the case for you, make sure you communicate your needs and wants with your partner clearly.
(Remember: Narcissists cannot handle any form of rejection or conflict without turning into a crazy-making machine.) Make sure when ending a relationship, especially with a narcissist, that you end it firmly and do not engage emotionally if they try to get upset at you. They will never willingly let go of control.
In this case, go with a phone or text break-up message.
Keep It Positive
When breaking up, it’s best to end things on a positive note. You don’t want to make someone feel like you are rejecting them as a person.
This is one of the most important parts of ending relationships amicably—do not be mean. If the other person gets upset or says something mean back, simply reply with, “I’m sorry that doesn’t work for you.”
Ending relationships can be tricky since none of us know what another partner will say or how they’ll react. Just remember, if you have good intentions and stay true to yourself then things should go well. The breakup will hurt no matter what but keeping your cool during the hard times is doable if you follow simple steps on how to break up.
When breaking up with someone, do it as humanely as possible and make sure you end things on a positive note. You don’t want to leave them feeling like they are not good enough for you. Ending relationships should never lead to any sort of conflict or drama.
Allow the Other Person to Vent
At the end of a relationship, it’s important that you allow the other person to have their say. If you have things you still want to get off your chest, hold them in until after they are done talking.
The key is to not argue with them during this time.
Let them talk and when they are finished, tell them how you feel or what is hard for you about ending things. It will be difficult for them to hear any criticism of why they weren’t good enough for you but remember—this is your breakup; don’t let anyone else (and especially your ex) control what you do or how it goes down.
Understand How They Feel
Before you end things, get a feel for how your partner thinks and feels about the breakup. You need to know if this surprise is going to hurt them or not. If you aren’t sure how they will take it and your relationship was long and meaningful, err on the side of caution.
As you talk them through the breakup, make it a point to listen. Don’t jump in with your feelings if they are taking it well. If they are still having a difficult time coping, give them space and let them know you are there for them.
If the breakup comes as a surprise to your partner or if this is their first heartbreak, be prepared for some tough times.
Even though you have made up your mind that the relationship needs to end, it won’t be easy breaking that news to someone else.
Just remember how they feel when you go through the breakup process. And if their reaction is anything less than positive, be patient with them and allow them to take their time in getting over this loss so that you can both move on in different directions.
Don’t Give False Hope
If the other person doesn’t want to end the relationship, they may look for open doors of hope. Don’t give it to them unless you are seriously considering taking them back (which is almost never a good idea anyway).
Instead, make it clear that the relationship is 100% over.
Often, that means being direct but kind. You can finish it off with, “It’s over. I don’t want to go back together again.”
If they try to change your mind after that, simply reply with something like, “I’m sorry but my decision is final.”
Be Clear About the Breakup Process
After you end things on a positive note, you need to layout the plan for what happens next.
If it is your decision, tell them that you are ready to move on. Go over any logistics about getting each other’s stuff, and what you’re going to do about rent or friends. The less your lives are connected, the less to discuss.
Also, let them know if and when they can contact you again.
By being very clear during the breakup, you can avoid so many painful problems faced by other, less prepared relationships.