Fun With #OkCupid: A Dude In The OKC Corral (Third Date Syndrome)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we’ve never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go … and now we’re here … HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s @casetines

I really only entered the dating scene hardcore for the first time in 2009. Life was so much simpler back then. I was listening to 3OH!3. Unbelievably, Community and Modern Family weren’t even shows yet, and I’m glad they are here now. Neither was The Cleveland Show though, so you win some and you lose some.

I was late to the game, but jumped into the dating pool with both feet. Fresh off of the first, only, and longest-lasting relationship of my life, I moved to L.A. to start fresh three years ago and I have learned a lot in that time. Things such as:

–        Be honest when you want to end a relationship. Don’t pussy-foot around the issue, it’s easier to just be straight-up with the person when you’re just not that interested.
–        Don’t eat a ton of food at a Super Bowl party and then go over to a girl’s house and eat dinner.
–        Sometimes girls will use you for sex, and it’s not a bad thing.
–        Don’t get blackout drunk and then call a girl you kind of like but have only been hanging out with for two weeks. You might never find out what you said.
–        Don’t get heavily attached emotionally to a girl that only wants to be friends unless you’re sure that you are cool with being friends. Find out within the first couple of weeks where you really stand because she’s already made up her mind.
–        After being in a monogamous relationship for two years, you remember how much condoms really suck but I’ll be damned if they aren’t worth it as compared to the consequences of not using a condom and being unlucky just one time.
–        Match.com has zero benefits over OkCupid and yet it costs like $30 a month.
–        I have never tried PlentyOfFish, but I’ve heard the same thing about that site.
–        The best way to a girl’s heart is by fixing YOU before you try fixing anyone else. All the issues you’ve got in relationships or finding a significant other start from within and the more you focus on bettering yourself, the easier dating will be.
–        If a girl is on OkCupid Mobile while in your bed, take that as a sign that this is goodbye.

Yes, this is my life. Never let it be said that I hold back on the follies of it.

Which perfectly leads me to “Third Date Syndrome,” the potential disease of my dating life currently. I have been on many first dates in the last three years. I’ve been on OkCupid for probably a little over a year, and most of the first dates have come during that time. I’ve met a lot of interesting girls and some not-so-interesting girls, but with every date you should learn something.

Every person that you make a relationship with, no matter how small, should have some effect on your life.

In a way, we are all marbles on a wobbly board, knocking each other back and forth and changing positions while not always being aware of how a marble on the other side of the board is going to eventually move us. You might only go out on one date with “Diane” but isn’t it likely that the 30 minutes you spent with her has taught you something?

Maybe it’s that you don’t like the name Diane. Maybe it’s that you didn’t think that particular coffee shop was a good place for a date. Maybe it’s that you actually want to go ahead with the operation and change your name to Diane. It could be anything. But most likely it’s the sex change thing.

Either way, everyone we come into contact with can teach us something. Something about ourselves, the world, and how we interact in that world. Over three years of dating, I’ve learned a lot but I’ve also learned that I still know very little.

I’ve gone a lot of first dates. I’ve gone on a few second dates. But I’ve been shit out of luck on third dates for awhile. I got Third Date Syndrome.

There’s a lot of reasons a person can acquire this syndrome. For one, I obviously haven’t met anyone that I’ve clicked with on that level. Secondly, I haven’t been too pushy on any of the relationships that I have started. The last girl that I went out with more than two times was gorgeous and in retrospect seemed like she would be an awesome companion. Even after a few dates she was showing a lot of interest in me and doing nice things for me.

It’s not that I didn’t like her. It’s not that I wasn’t being nice to her too. I was just being very passive about the whole situation. Eventually, it got to the point where I just realized I hadn’t talked to her in like a week and then I texted her and got no response. That was that.

To be honest, my personal heartbreaks from the past have made it hard for me to attach to anyone else. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to, it’s more like I just forgot how. Mentally, how do I get back to the point where I have a crush on a girl again?

As I write this, I have a second date with a girl tonight. I really want it to go as well as the first date went or better. I want it to go so well that tomorrow I tell myself “Damn son, I wanna see that gurl again. YOU KNOW?! NAH MEAN!!!!!” (My inner monologue is narrated by Method Man.)

But there’s no guarantee that I will think that. There’s no guarantee that she’ll be thinking something like that. There’s no guarantee that I’m cured of Third Date Syndrome, and even if I am, will I just find out that I now suffer from Fourth Date Syndrome?

Well, life and dating aren’t about guarantees. If you spend your life putting stock into guarantees, you’ll find out that life is sorely lacking. It’s about taking a leap of faith.

I just need to learn how to do that again. Just like I learned to turn my phone off and hide the battery before I start to drink heavily.