Fun With @MirrorReviews: Text Date, Threesome, And Stripper Poles

oh dear god.

What a friggen night last night was. I’m home … alive … but I’m not quite sure how or why.

Lemme get a song to go with the post, hold up.

So, last night was my very dear friend’s 30th bday. Kind of a big deal.

Immediately before that though, I got a text from this dude that I met via him texting the wrong number a month ago.

Back in March I got this and instead of being offended or weird about it, I was genuinely curious and asked him to elaborate more … lemme just show you …

This guy and I have now been talking for a month, and yesterday when I got his text I just told him that we should meet up at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset. Saddle isn’t normally a “go to” but it was super close to where the party was so I could do a two pop shop and get both in in the same evening.

He was game, and at 8:30 we met up.

I’m not going to lie, I was super freaking anxious going into this thing not knowing ANYTHING about this guy. Like literally, nothing. I knew his name, and he sent me a picture once … outside of that, nada.

I was entering this situation excited to meet someone new and explore something that scares me.

So we meet up, and he was pretty freaking rad! He was way cuter than I expected and we had an amazing conversation on life and love. He works in finance so it was interesting to see how analytical he has to be because of his job, but how much he leaves dating and his personal life “up to chance.” He didn’t exactly like how matter of fact I spoke on dating, but I explained to him it’s like a dance. The guy takes two steps forward, the chick takes two steps back. Everything in life has movement to it – you just have to learn as many of the basics as you can and then shake yo’ booty.

<tangent> While Romeo and I are “seeing each other” we aren’t formally dating. I still have to check where his head is and make sure everything is kosher before proceeding. I’ve never been in a situation like this before though where we are going into dating each other already in love. Romeo and I love each other so freaking much it’s ridiculous. HOOWWEVVVEERRRR, we aren’t currently “in love” we’re just really good friends that never had a shot at dating. Very Ross and Rachel. (It’s also maddening because he’s 32 and I’m 27 now, so it’s like if this is going to happen it’s shit or get off the pot time.) He’s gotta court me for izzles and make an effort before I even THINK about stopping to date other people. </tangent>

After a glass of wine we then ended and I jetted over to the party which was in a mansion above the Sunset strip.

Everyone in LA has a friend with a mansion above the Sunset strip, btw.

I get to the house party, and find my friends.

The birthday girl then introduces me around, and instead of saying hi this is so and so and they work in so and so – she would say, you look good naked. He looks good naked – make something happen.

It’s been awkward for me at parties lately because EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. someone there has read the site and will then keep me hostage for the rest of the evening. Clearly, I’m not mad at it – I adore you all SO FREAKING MUCH, but I was very much looking forward to just chilling and having a good time. I’ve known most of these girls for almost 8 years so it’s very much a non-work environment.

The party was absolutely stunning, and I’m SUPER SHOCKED no one caught their hair on fire with so many extensions and candles lit.

I then toured around the place a bit and found the stripper pole in the backyard. I laughed considering the formal nature of the party that at least my friend was keeping it real in some capacity.

WHO DOESN’T LOVE STRIPPER POLES???

<tangent> I’ve actually never been on a stripper pole before BUT I did have to clean one once when I worked at a strip club. That was no bueno. </tangent>

THENNNNNN somewhere around my third glass of champagne sangria, this duderino that works in software and I started to make out … in the middle of the party … on the bright red couch.

Yep, we were “those people.”

Keepin it classy, Friel.

It was all very PG, no booby grabs nothing. Just simple first base. But moments into us making out this girl approaches me.

Are you into threesomes, she asks.

Wow, I think. That is an AMAZING way to start a conversation with someone. I want to have balls like that!!

Yes, I say. (read more about that here)

Great, she replies. I’d like to have your number.

Bing bang boom, I thought. This chick wastes NO time annnnd it is quite the compliment as a female to not only get hit on by dudes, but also CHICKS!! Talk about a great life moment!! YAY LIFE!

SOOOO that happened. I’m pretty sure I kissed her too – my memory is a bit unclear at that point where my mouth went. Again with the class.

I then excused my drunky mcgee self from the party and started to walk down the hill back home. See, when you’re at a mansion party you never. ever. ever. want to cab it. They don’t friggen go up there and it is SUCCHHH a pain in the ass getting out. No prob getting THERE, but going back – you’re fucked. Always walk down the hill whenever you can and use the iPhone flashlight app to guide you since most of those hills are littered with pot holes.

I made it less than a block away from my apartment before I felt someone or something grab my right arm. Mind you, it is now 2am and NOTTHIINNNNNGGGG should be touching me that late at night.

The second my brain registered that it was a person, I immediately pull out my best 1993 after school special on rape and scream NO as I put my arms up indicating I was about to fight.

<tangent> I used to box. I had to give it up since it hurt my hands so much and typing all day – it’s too much of a risk … but I genuinely do know how to knock someone out. It will hurt like a mofo, and I’ve never had to do it without gloves … but I think ALL women should know how to fight if they are ever in a situation like that. Information is power, people. </tangent>

I COMPLETELY freak the guy out at that point as he starts running. I’m 99% certain he was just trying to hit on me, but at that hour, so close to my house – it was NOT going to happen.

Note to nerds: don’t ever ever ever approach a woman on the street that late at night. never ever ever.

I then got back into the apartment safe and sound. Definitely a bit spooked by the situation, but proud of myself for knowing what to do and for handling it all so fast.

ANNNNNDDD that’s all folks. OH! One more thing though, here is my text date’s dateAbility on Mirror.net:

Super excited to see that dude again.

OH! And this week, I also have a date with a guy that I asked out on twitter from one of my favorite TV shows. This dude is SOO freaking badass! He was locked up for 3 years in a jail in Pakistan. I literally cannot wait to kick it with him!!!!!

#yaylife

Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don’t forget to like ’em on Facebook.

OH! And here’s how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh

Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo