HAHAHAHA can I just say how HILARIOUSLY amazing this entire trip has been? I’m currently sitting in one of the most private, exclusive members only clubs in all of the world in the most RIDICULOUSLY touristie t-shirt, basketball shorts, and my Nike Plus kicks …
First up, lemme at least explain how I got here, and what the hell is even going on.
Here’s the song that goes with the post …
So, last week, I got hit up by this duderino from London asking if we could meet up. Sure, I said, but I don’t travel abroad just for dates.
<tangent> After spending a year with literally only $10 to my name I know for a FACT that I can be dropped ANYWHERE in this country and not only manage to get a ride, but also get a room, food, and find a party with literally no money to my name. That’s just period end of sentence and all courtesy of my connections in social media. I have yet to be brave enough to test this theory abroad since my worst case scenario could be me not being able to get a flight back home. As a strategist, there are just WAY too many variables that make me feel uncomfortable. </tangent>
Let’s meet in Vegas, I suggested.
Eh, he shot back, I don’t want to go to Vegas. How about Miami, he suggested.
Miami is GREAT, I said.
He then booked my flight last week, and then came Friday night at the Abbey where my cell and debit card got stolen.
NOOOOOOOOO, I thought.
In hindsight, however, it gave me tremendous perspective on what everything means, but I was PISSSEEEDDD. They cleared out my entire checking account (courtesy of charging a shit ton of drinks on my card) AND they stole my freaking iphone!!!!!!! I was grateful that I had forgotten to put my ID back in the Speck credit card iphone case, but MAN – what a violation and a total pain in the ass that there was nothing the bank could do until Monday morning at the EARLIEST.
I laughed Saturday morning thinking I joke over and over and over how I can get around without any money and now I LITERALLY have -.74 cents to my name and I now have to travel across the country.
Fortunately, because of twitter, my buddy (and fellow TNTML writer) @Jtwebman hit me up and told me he’d happily take me to the airport.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I said.
He then picked me up at 7:30 and dropped me off at LAX for my red eye.
FTR, I’ve done some SUPER dumb shit before – but this is up there. To travel across country with LITERALLY no money, and NO phone is extremely, extremely ballsy. I talked to my parents beforehand and my dad was COMPLETELY freaking out at my perdicament.
Daughter, why are you still going to Miami? he inquired.
Because I have my ID, I said. From a very literal perspective that is all that I need to travel. The rest I can figure out.
Yeah, my parents weren’t pleased to say the least.
I figured I had my iPad so as long as I could continuously find wifi throughout my trip I’d manage to be okay, and at least check in with people as often as possible to let them all know that I was alive.
I then arrived in Miami at 5:45 am and had arranged again via twitter, a ride at the airport from @JnAStudios.
I told him I’d meet him outside when I arrived but upon my arrival I was nervous that he wasn’t going to be able to find me.
Sure, he knows what I look like and what I’m wearing, I thought – but what if I’m at the wrong pick up area? I’ve never been to the airport in Miami before in my LIFE so to just say to some “I’ll meet you outside” and to be truly confident that you will be able to meet them outside is the most insane thing ever.
Trusting my travel instincts, and trusting the fact that I’ve never put myself in a situation I couldn’t talk myself out of – I had to had to had to know that everything was going to be okay.
I then arrived in Miami and after only about 10 minutes of waiting, Al arrived.
Holy shit, I thought completely relieved when I saw his car.
I then put my bag in the back and gave him the BIGGEST hug ever.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for this ride I said.
Where am I taking you, he asked as I got in the car.
I’m not sure, I said.
See, my date still had yet to tell me where we were staying and due to the time difference I got on the plane before he had a chance to email me back. Miami’s airport also didn’t have wifi, so bottom line all that I knew in this scenario was that I knew nothing.
South Beach, I said. He’s a super fancy pants dude, so clearly he’s going to be staying somewhere super fancy pants.
(I also remember in passing him saying something about during the day on Monday me needing to find something to do in South Beach as he was going to have to work.)
Al then drove me all the way down to South Beach and after driving around a bunch of times we found an open diner.
Remember, it’s only 6:30 at the EARLIEST at this point and it’s Sunday morning.
We went into the diner and sat down adjacent to this man that was passed out on a table.
Literally passed out.
Al and I then talked exchanging stories on life and love.
I then excused myself to the restroom and came back to no less than 6 police officers huddled around the passed out gentleman.
I laughed to Al as I sat down in the booth – dude, I can’t make this shit up!! I’m a magnet for random adventures. What’s going on?
He laughs saying, they just waved something under his nose to wake him up.
The man then lifts his head up, and there is puke ALLLLLL over the menu and the table.
Gross, I said to Al.
We then stare intently as they literally have to carry him out of the deli and instruct him to go home.
Amazing, I said. I’m here for less than a half an hour and already there’s an adventure.
After we wrap up killing time at the deli, we then walked over to a Starbucks (which was now open) so I could check my email and figure out where I was supposed to go.
I pull up my email.
Soho house, he said. I’m in the lobby.
Great, c u soon! I typed back.
We then headed down the street and Al dropped me off at the door of the Soho House.
Thank you so so so much for this, I said. I really appreciate it.
That’s what friends are for, he said.
I smiled grabbing my bag.
I then walked inside and met my date.
Now, at this point, I had not only been on a red eye, but was the literal definition of hot mess in the Miami heat.
No make up, really nappy hair – and now I am on a date.
Own it, Friel, own it! I thought.
I greeted him placing my bag on the floor.
We then leave our bags with the concierge.
Want to go for a walk on the boardwalk? he asked.
Sure, I said. After sitting for so long I could DEFINITELY use some exercise.
We then left the Soho house walking down the boardwalk of South Beach.
I. Fell. In. Love.
Wow, I said staring out at the water and the pristine boardwalk. I’m not quite sure what I expected of Miami – but it DEFINITELY wasn’t this!! Everything here is so CLEAN and so TROPICAL!!!
He then immediately started in on business.
So, tell me more about what it is that you do.
Now, even with only 3 hours of sleep I can give the elevator pitch on my business, but this guy went. to. town.
I wasn’t mad at it, obvi, but when I’m genuinely tired, I stop functioning. He’s an OG affiliate search and marketing GURU but I only caught every 6th word that came out of his mouth.
Google pays Yahoo search traffic newsletter.
Huh? I thought.
We then walked for about a half an hour and arrived at the cafe to grab breakfast.
I struggled GREATLY at the table to keep my eyes open.
Do you mind if we cab it back, I asked? The heat is getting to me and I’m also going on just a few hours of sleep.
Not a problem, he said.
We then grabbed a cab (AIR CONDITIONING YAY!) and about half way back to the hotel, he said he wanted to get some swim trunks.
Do you mind if we stop, he asked?
Absolutely not, I said.
We then hopped out of the cab and walked into a super touristie shop.
My date then held up a brightly colored Miami Beach t-shirt.
This is great, he said. I should get it.
DUDE!!! I said excited.
TOTALLY!!! Rock that shit!!!
I’ll get you one too. Let’s be obnoxious together!
YES YES YES!! I said suddenly SUPER awake and SO excited to make randoms uncomfortable.
He then buys a bright pink Miami beach muscle tee, and purchases me a bright white with neon writing “I’m in Miami Bitch” shirt.
This. Is. Amazing. I said. We’re going to have SO much fun!!!
We then head back to the hotel and the adrenaline rush from the shirt buying starts to wear off.
I’m sorry, I say, but I really need to get some sleep. Do you mind if I take a nap?
Of course not, he says.
I then go up to my room and pass out on their RIDICULOUSLY comfortable beds.
Somewhere around 3 I wake up, shower, and email my date asking where he is. (Again, no phone means email is my only form of communication.)
I then walk downstairs greeting my date again, and he says let’s go sit over here.
He then grabs a chair from another table and places it down next to a beautiful woman sitting down.
Oh shit, I thought. What’s going on now?
Hi, I say extending my hand and introducing myself.
We then start chatting and I connect the dots that this is the business associate he mentioned to me earlier in the morning.
Again, I only caught every 6th word, but he spoke extremely fondly of her.
We all then start chatting as she grills me on who I am and what I do.
So you’re kind of a dating expert then? she concludes.
No, I say. I just have a lot of experience and I’m passionate about people.
Can you edit my dating profile? she asks.
I start laughing thinking how meta it is to be editing a dating profile while on a date.
Sure, I say.
I take her Macbook air placing it on my lap and begin reading her profile.
You’re a very guarded person, I say.
This profile isn’t marketed towards a man, I continue. If your profile was a dog it would be barking shouting get away! get away!
She starts laughing.
Yes!! She said.
Do you mind if I rewrite it for you? I ask.
PLEASE!!! She says super excited.
It takes me about 5 minutes, but I then re-work her profile removing the emotional components and just cutting to the bottom line of what she ACTUALLY wants.
This is what you think you’re saying, but this is what I’m reading, I explain. Men are not going to want to touch you because you’re shouting “I’m independent, I’m independent!! I don’t need a man!!!”
You’re WAYY too guarded. Here is how to word that you can support yourself but also that you have plenty of room for a man to make his way into your life.
Wow, she said. This is great, I say handing her back her profile.
If you like it, click save. If not, no hard feelings.
She smiles, thanking me greatly for my service.
We then talk about the site and I explain some of my adventures.
I have been, I explained.
It’s actually helped me tremendously in business as psychologically I can put myself in that place and literally have men bow to me.
He starts laughing grabbing her Macbook air and immediately reading some of my posts.
Did you just bring her for entertainment? This chick is great, says his associate.
We then all share a laugh as we packed up our stuff and headed to the spa.
Let’s go down to the beach, said my date.
We then went into the ocean, which btw, in Miami is GOORRRGGEEEOOOUUUSSS and so warm!! The water has that slight hint of green that I LOVE and holy crap!! It was like bath water!!!
I could totally spend a lot of time here, I thought. LA is NO DOUBT my home, but I could DEFINITELY see myself spending a lot of time also in Miami.
After about a half an hour down at the beach we then went back up to the spa and his associate and I agreed to grab a steam in the steam room.
The “spa” btw at the Soho House is the most RIDICULOUS thing ever. Thank GOD my phone was stolen or I’m SURE I would have snuck a gajillion pics.
FTR, they don’t allow cell phones or cameras in the Soho house. Look, it’s even on the room key …
Big, huge, no no – but arrrrghhhhhhhh!! this place is SO freaking beautiful!!!
We then undressed and got into the steam room.
I laid down on the tile closing my eyes for a moment thinking how extremely grateful I was for this life moment.
I’m COMPLETELY unplugged, I thought. I have no phone, no true means of communication – nothing. Here I was upset at having it get stolen, but it created this amazing little oasis for me to be able to just get away from everything in a very literal sense.
Do you think you’re ever going to settle down, asked the associate?
ABSOLUTELY, I admitted. I couldn’t be more ready to and I’ve not only restructured things accordingly but I’ve already plotted how I’m scaling this brand providing myself with not only an exit strategy but also my next brand (which will not include lifecasting).
Isn’t it part of your brand though being so public?
Absolutely, I said, but I’m almost 28, I’m not going to be interesting for much longer. I just figured out a formula and a business model to be a walking, talking billboard. I can now groom others.
We then talked about life, love, and all things awesome.
She just so happened to be a leo, and I get along SUPPEERRRRR well with leos.
As the steam filled my lungs and every pore in my being I realized how intimate of an experience this was. Here is this person I met only a few hours ago but we are now in one of the poshest hotels in Miami (a city I’ve never spent serious time in), in a spa, laying naked on tile, discussing boys, attraction, the meaning of life – AND I could not feel more comfortable.
I laughed saying to her that I had no idea what to expect from this experience. I think Miami, I said, I think party party party. This is EXACTLY what I needed, you have no idea.
She laughed saying the universe tends to do that if you believe.
We then went back upstairs putting our bags in the room and we all agreed to head over to Nobu to meet up with some more of their friends in town for dinner.
Should I wear the pink shirt, asked my date?
ABSOLUTELY!! we both said in unison.
First though, let’s take some pictures, said the associate.
My date then began posing …
This is going to make great content for your blog, said the associate.
I bursted out laughing saying, I think I’m pretty much covered on this end.
We then went over to Nobu catching stares as we walked into the Shore Club.
We all couldn’t stop laughing.
I go up to the bar and order a drink.
Can I have a dragon fly, I ask staring down at the menu.
Sure, says the bartender.
My date then walks up.
What would you like, sir?
I’ll have a babycham, he said.
Everyone bursts out laughing COMPLETELY unsure of what is going on.
The bartender walks away confused.
Have you never heard of babycham? I’ve always wanted to say that to someone, said my date.
<tangent> See, it is from this advertisement in the 80s. See below. Our barely legal bartender didn’t get the reference, nor did I to be honest, but between the name and the delivery you couldn’t help but laugh.
After we all stop laughing the bartender comes back.
My date then orders a gin and tonic, as I finally get my dragon fly.
We need to document this, said the associate. He’s ACTUALLY wearing this shirt at Nobu.
I turn as she takes out her iPhone taking a photo …
The rest of the party then joined us minutes later and we had a SUPPPEERRRR delicious dinner.
Argh! The sushi is so freaking fresh at Nobu!!!
We then left the Shore Club and as we were waiting for a taxi three men approached my date.
Are you going to Twist later? asked one of the men.
What’s Twist? asked my date.
It’s the gay bar, he said touching his chest.
The associate and I IMMMEEDDIIAAATTEELLLLLYYY burst out laughing as we both literally started tearing up.
This always happens to me, admitted my date.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH we wonder why!!! we both said.
We all then piled into a car back to the house and called it a night somewhere around midnight.
You are a brave soul, I said to my date as we bid each other good night. It takes an extremely confident man to pull off what you did.
He smiled as we both went to sleep.
ANNNDDD there you have it, nerderinos!! I am still kicking it at the Soho house for a few more hours before my flight back to LA. I think I’m going to head back to the beach in just a few minutes. I was supposed to actually see mi madre today, but unfortunately my parentals are a bit peeved at this adventure so I will have to see them the next time I am out here.
Many blessings all, and thanks to Jeff and Al GREATLY for their assistance in helping me get around. You guys KNOCK MY FREAKING SOCKS OFF!!