Oh holy moly roli poli oli – I am currently chillaxin at the University of Chicago, about to give my talk on a “nerd’s guide to being unapologetically awesome.” Have I told you yet that I am about to pee my pants?? For reals.
My entire life I’ve been battling two conflicting parts of my personality – I am an extroverted introvert.
If ever given an option in life to go out, or stay in – I will ABSOLUTELY 100% of the time want to stay in and sit behind a computer; I’m an observer and mechanic. (Hence why I started couch surfing for a year – I very literally jolted myself through aversion therapy out of my own pattern.) I like watching people from a distance, analyzing them – seeing what makes them tick and what just ticks them off. Also why I FRREEEAKKKEEEDDD out when social media came bopping up on my radar screen in 2005 – best of both worlds!!!
I spend my life in hoodies with headphones in my ears because it’s my comfort. Anytime I get nervous or am processing something creatively – I very literally tune the world out and feel the rhythm and feel the movement. I don’t do it to be anti-social, quite the opposite – it is merely a coping mechanism for me. I get INCREDIBLY overwhelmed in crowds and with a lot of people. Clearly with the profession I have chosen, it is something I am going to have to get over – but in there here and now, this is what I am experiencing.
Public speaking, like I am doing today, isn’t easy for me. Like at all. I am a performer, for sure – but primarily through modeling or on television where I have no idea who is watching. I’m a ham, and a whackadoodle noodle – and I have to own that, but it’s still hard articulating that. I own my awesome, that part I got DOOOWWNNNNNNN … but speaking for an hour in front of a whole bunch of people staring at you. I dig dialogue not monologues.
Today is a big deal for me. I am facing a fear, and TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. If it goes well, if it doesn’t – who cares – and so it is. No matter what I will learn something that will at least get me one step closer at bettering myself with public speaking – which is all that really matters in the end.
This anxiety shall pass, and in the meantime – don’t mind me if I chill in this conference room for a bit longer rocking out to some Journey!!! Oh yes mothafuckerssssssss – it’s JOURNEY TIME!!!!!!!!
I can do this … I can do this … I can do this … BREATHE JEN!!!
HIT IT BOYS!!!!!