Dudes, I very literally cannot believe that as of last week, I have been out on 103 dates in 9 months. Like seriously, that blows my fucking mind – it didn’t seem like that many at all. Wait, there’s one song I gotta hear right now … you ready?
I’m going to write a thesis on my findings later this week to sort of bring a close to the old, and welcome the new … but yah! I’m STOKED to announce the next social experiment.
First, a little background.
I hate being touched. Like hate. hate. hate. hate. hate. cuddling, hand holding … just don’t touch me. Ever. Hence why I loves me some online-ness, and spend so much of my time here. I can express my thoughts, and have it be the end of it. You stay in your dance space, I stay in mine.
Wait, that kinda sounds harsh. I’m not a cold person – the opposite, I have like the biggest heart ever … alrite, alrite, alrite – spit it out Jen … I’ll really break it down for you all.
I’ve pretty much been sexually harassed in various capacities for the majority of my life. For real, when I was like 5 I was taken out of my softball classes because apparently the coach gave me the eye one too many times and it made my mom wayyyyyyy too nervous. When I was 12, I had a doctor perform a very not so kosher for passover exam on me … and subsequently spent my late teens thwarting off unwanted sexual advances in one way or another. Hence why I know how to box, I’ve very literally had to throw down. I’m a scrappy scrappy bitch.
On the brighter side of things, I’ve pretty much spent the majority of my adult life playing in boys clubs, and honestly succeeding because I knew how to play the game; I was conditioned for it growing up. Albeit in a way that I would never. ever. want anyone to go through – but at the same time it just is. I don’t regret it, I’m no longer mad at it – but it’s my constant. I can’t stop being this person that I am, I can only make it work for me.
That being said, online dating has been super super SUUUPPERRRRR rad, but I don’t think it is allowing me to really get over any of my emotional unavailability. I still get super spooked when a guy on a date touches me, and I dunno man, after all that shit went down with the mentalist – I just kinda felt like damaged goods. I have a following online, so it was super easy for me to put myself out there – I knew you all had my back. But it’s now time for me to spread my wings and really submerge myself in the real world. This is complete aversion therapy, btw. I do not. do not. do not. want to do this. Which is why I am doing it – I ALWAYYYSSSS have to walk towards things that make me uncomfortable.
So here’s my plan …
As an off shoot of my OKCupid experiment, I also invested $4 in a University of Buffalo School of Medicine sweatshirt from goodwill in the hopes that if I wore it out to random bars boys that went to med school might see it and subsequently hit on me … attracting nerdier boys!!!
It totally didn’t work. At all. Like UBER. UBER. FAIL!!!
… All I got were boys from Buffalo … Which whatevs, I’m not mad at … but just didn’t really know where to go from there.
IN COMES @EffingGear!!!
hahaha this was so unbelievably organic – it blows my mind. I heard about them a month ago, but they JUSTTTTT contacted me last Monday …
They have really rad college-ie town shirts.
(Super soft btw – SERIOUSLY! Feels like the bum of a Pomeranian!)
What I’m going to be doing is wearing their shirts to a series of cool dive type bars here in LA and see with each shirt if one city or another is a hit. Could there be nerdier boys from Austin? Or how about Lawrence Kansas? It’s LA!!! NOOOOO ONNNEEEEEEEE is from here. I know for a fact it’s going to get a response, just not quite sure what kind. hahahahahahaah … I’m SOOOO excited for this, you have no idea!!!
Guys don’t talk to me at bars … like at all … ever. I have to be proactive … and I’m WAYYYYYYY too shy when it comes to dating to actually be proactive. I don’t know what happened to me, I never used to be shy – clearly if I can pick up a boy at 16 in a pool hall and end up losing my virginity to him. I dunno, I just don’t even know what I’m looking for anymore, that’s the biggest part of my problem. Back in the day, I used to date GQ looking boys – and they were dumb as fucking rocks. Literally, I’ve been in a handful of relationships, and outside of the mentalist … every single one of ’em was dumb. Love ’em dearly, but fuuuckkkkkk me. I feel like we should all be required to wear our IQ badges as breeding qualifiers or something. I dunno where I’m going with that, but I’m going to own it. HAHAH!!
Bottom line, I have no idea what I am looking for, but I KNOW I am going to be proactive and at least put myself out there. At least by wearing these shirts however, I KNOOOOWWW guys will approach me, as so many of them did in my University of Buffalo sweatshirt … so that part I have down – what’s going to happen from there is going to totally be left up to chance.
Unlike OKC there is no algorithm to test compatibility, I am just increasing my odds of at least making myself be more approachable. Dude, I even allocated a beer budget for this experiment as well. So, I know I am setting myself up for something rad, the rest will be documented to psychoanalyze.
Each night will be sponsored by a town, and Effing Gear is so effing rad they’re sending me their entire line – haha, so this is going to go on for a bit.
Also too, I’m not only going to continuously switch up locations but dude, also too – wearing a bra. When I wear one do I get more attention, or not? That’s certainly a variable from the actual city and said dive bar.
Lots and lots and lots to play with … I’m super stoked. They just sent out the package today, so I should be able to conduct my first night later this week. Again though, I’m telling you right now this is going to make me UNBELIEVABLY uncomfortable, but at least I am walking towards that place of uncomfort in the hopes of doing something about it.
So yeah, there ya go!
Thanks so much again Effing Gear. Super stoked to wear your shirts that don’t suck in this experiment, but more importantly even more curious as to what my findings are going to be. There’s just so much to play with in this one. Here goes nothing world! BAHHH!!!!
or do they??? mwahahahhahaha stay tuned