OH! SO DUDES!!!! The weirdest thing happened to me on Monday that I had to share …
I was leaving the Paramount lot, and I got a text from my friend Heather inviting me out to dinner in Brentwood. Dude, love me some @heathermeeker – so yah, was totally game. Fortunately, I had a crap ton of change in my backpack – so I was able to afford the bus trip, with transfer.
I wind up getting on the wrong bus, or the wrong something … and end up having to switch at Sepulveda and Wilshire.
Alrite, not a prob … I’m a big girl … I can do this …
I get off the bus, cross the street, and read on my droid that I had to be at the north corner of Sawtelle to pick up the bus that I needed to get to Brentwood.
So, I walk over … stand there … and not 5 minutes later this dude comes up totally wrecking of alcohol and had the deliciousness that are Butterfingers smeared all over his face and a half eaten one still in his pocket.
He says something to me, but I had my headphones in – so I just pretended like I had no idea what was going on. He walks over to my left and stands less than 2 feet away from me waiting for the bus as well.
30 seconds or less later, I look over and see this other dude coming up and standing equidistant to me, but on the other side. I read their body language, and HOLLYYY FUCKKK these two monkeys were about to square off.
I carefully pretended to play with my earring and took one of my headphone buds out.
I hear SCCCRREEAMMMINNNGGGG … not even yelling … SCREEAMMIIINNNNGGGGG
How dare you disrespect this fine young woman – I ought to kick yo … ::earbuds go back in::
Oh fuck me in the goat ass. ONE YEAR of traveling all day everyday, this was a first. I’ve never caused a fight.
I stand there not knowing what to do, since I literally didn’t even open my mouth to either of them.
No Doubt’s New was playing … I felt like I was in a chimpanzee cage at the zoo …
MONKEY POUNDS CHEST … Gwen Stefani sings … MONKEY POUNDS CHEST … Gwen Stefani sings …
Then the monkey on the right stepped a bit closer, and was squaring off his chest. I knew that body language, they were about to THROOOOWWWWW down. I take two steps to the right, as he moves left.
Now both monkeys are on my right, and holllyyyyy fuckkkkkk they were screaming. He kept pointing behind the 711 as if he wanted to throw down, but not in front of the lady. Again, I could only see their exaggerated movements, hahahaa I wasn’t about to stop listening to my song. Dude, it’s No Doubt! Come ON!!!
Either way, 5 awkward minutes of wondering if these dudes were about to fight later – the bus showed up. The monkeys were so busy, they didn’t even notice. FTR, had they even gotten on that bus, I would have caught a later one.
The dinner was yummy … and I got a ride home from a friend. High-larious though that literally in ONE YEAR of traveling, no one has bothered me like that … ever. I’ve learned how to blend in with my environments as much as possible … or be the total FREAK of nature and wear super weird clothing so that people don’t even dare to fuck with me.
Had to share.