Actual Text Message: #OkCupid

The following is an actual text message I received from a guy I went out on a date with from #OkCupid:

What he said: “Sorry I never heard back from you after your NY trip; hope it went well. If you ever want to hang out again, feel free to gimme a call.”

What I heard: Sorry I never heard back from you after your NY trip. You said you would text, or call me when you got back … and you didn’t you stupid cunt. I now have to say that I hope it went well, when really I’m just being polite. If you ever want to hang out again, cause we totally had fun and now you’re being a stupid bitch by not returning my call, feel free to gimme a call, cause I’m totally available and only knitting my cat a new sweater for the next lunar cycle.

Passive aggressive moaning and groaning. For reals … really liked this dude. Then again, I kinda really liked almost everyone I’ve gone out on a date with on OKC. But comeeee onnnnn mannnn!!! This is sooooo the fastest way to never hear from me again. I am so busy right now, I’m surprised my head hasn’t gone all Linda Blair and shit. I didn’t respond to his text. I do get where he was trying to go with it in theory … but I also cut out the bullshit and just get right to the chase. I can already tell so much about this guy in this text alone.

Here’s an example of what would have gotten a response:

Hey Jen, hope you had fun in NY – free tonight for a drink?

BAMMMMM!!!! Totally would have responded to that. But the other?? No, thanks! Sorry … calling a spade a spade … and you sir, are a spade!